Welcome to Thursday. Hope you're safe. Don't lose it. Here, have some distractification.
Florida's orange industry may be facing massive losses as a result of Hurricane Irma, due to dropped fruit. That's gonna leave a bruise.
Speaking of post-Irma horribleness, buying a pigtail dryer plug cord so you can try to wire your generator into your breaker panel and power your entire home? This is not a good idea. You could potentially fry a line worker, among other things, and we've already had too many wholly preventable tragedies in a very short time as a result of people using gennies improperly. We like to joke about humanity's end beginning with the words "hold my beer," but it's probably gonna start with somebody glancing at the instructions, shrugging and tossing them aside.
On that note, some genius in Highlands County blew up a boat by using a shop-vac to siphon gasoline. So, not an approved container for dispensing, then.
Members of the deaf community are demanding an apology from Manatee County authorities after they basically forced a county employee with less-than-perfect signing skills to act as an interpreter during a televised pre-Irma press conference. Obviously panic makes some in civil service forget every comedy that ever included a character that spoke a different language, ever. ALWAYS HIRE THE PRO.
And finally, soulless pharmabro and human payday loan scam Martin Shkreli, whom you might remember from jacking up drug prices and being convicted of securities fraud last month, had his bail revoked after he publicly offered to pay cash for some of Hilary Clinton's hair including follicles — in other words, maybe inciting people to assault one of the most powerful women in the world. He probably thinks the whole thing is epic.
This article appears in Sep 14-21, 2017.