Good Monday to you. Here's your weekend news roundup, tardy and in a crappy mood.
FRIDAY, SEPT. 15:
Duke Energy missed its self-imposed midnight-on-Friday deadline to have power back on in Pinellas County. People still without power were not happy — and, given that this is one of the world's most advanced countries and also one in which job opportunities continue to dry up in the name of making companies as profitable as possible, it's getting sort of hard to blame them for bitching about it.
Cases of animal abandonment are up all over Tampa Bay as the dust settles and some of the residual effects of Hurricane Irma begin to reveal themselves. Some people are shitty, that's all. We would remind you not to bring an animal into your house/lives if you wouldn't bring your grandmother into your house/lives, but some people abandon their grandparents, too. Because some people are shitty, that's all. We're doing a gofundme for Bay area animals, you can donate here.
At Gatorama south and east of the Skyway, property damage has alligators and crocodiles intermingling. Awesome. In five years we'll all be eaten by a dinosaur that cries fake tears.
SATURDAY, SEPT. 16:
It's been a brutal week. Let's give Saturday a break.
SUNDAY, SEPT. 17:
The Bucs trounced the Chicago Bears 29-7. No, I'm not suddenly a fan because they handily won their first game of the season. Professional sports are still a tacky display of our nation's misplaced priorities, and the Bucs are still a particularly egregious example. But let's take our good news where we can get it just now, OK?
In the wake of the Broward County nursing home tragedy, Florida Governor Rick Scott ordered all assisted living facilities in the state to get a generator and stockpile fuel for future crises, which is apparently something that needed to be officially said out loud. Capitalism: It kills people so other, richer people can make more money.
And finally, the Emmys were last night. Hurrah. Life is meaningless.
This article appears in Sep 14-21, 2017.