Good morning. The earth has definitely had enough of humanity's shenanigans. Why would the planet hate us so? Oh, right.
An Odessa elementary school teacher was arrested and charged with grand theft for allegedly stealing another teacher's wallet and subsequently using her credit card. Some things can't be taught in school — things like "how to not screw over a coworker" and "yes cameras are everywhere now even in Publix," for instance.
In other news regarding crime that's even lower than the usual crime: scammers claiming to assist with Duke Energy bill payments are working the Bay area in the wake of Hurricane Irma. If your first reaction to a situation in which people are shaken and confused and alone and just looking for some guidance is to exploit those people, you're the lowest of the low; at least have the common decency and ambition to forgo phone scams and go straight into politics or religion, please.
Now back to regular ol' classic Florida-style crime: Tampa cops were on the lookout yesterday for a man who robbed a dollar store. Where does one go after robbing a dollar store? To a strip club, obvs.
And finally, Tampa Bay's Ciccio Restaurant Group will become one of the first not located in one of food culture's epicenters (NYC, Vegas, etc.) to feature the Impossible Burger, that engineered plant-based patty that bleeds. "Gross," said somebody who eats "chicken" made out of pink poultry slime at least three times a week.
This article appears in Sep 21-28, 2017.