Good morning. The President of the United States of America doesn't understand the First Amendment. OK, moving on:
FRIDAY, SEPT. 22:
Canadian indoctrination conspiracy Arcade Fire played its first-ever Bay area show at the USF Sun Dome, and everybody lost their minds over it. That's how they get you, the Canadians. With inclusiveness and arty pop-rock music and conceptual performances and weird haircuts and calling ham bacon. Which I guess is a better advertisement for the aesthetic of one's nation than, say, suggesting that black men should be fired for publicly expressing their concerns about how people of color are treated by cops. OK, now, really moving on.
Southern Living's much, much hipper niece Garden & Gun named St. Pete one of the South's best food towns. Oddly enough, the article doesn't mention the 'Burg's latest super cool unofficial delicacy: the jumped shark. Mustachioed vegan velocipede food tours to begin at The Kale & Belly.
SATURDAY, SEPT. 23:
After what seems like a year of speculation and months of anticipatory run-up, beloved music venue and hangout New World Brewery hosted the final show at its original, 22-year-old Ybor City location. It's pretty safe to say one could gauge one's passion for the local music scene by the number of times one cried Saturday night. Unless one cried four times just while scrolling through Facebook; then one is just a crier. (I'm a crier.)
A large number of trucks that were slated to help haul away Hurricane Irma storm debris in the Bay area abruptly ghosted us to head for south Florida, where there's more money in it. Everybody just go out front and Scotchgard your piles of limbs, we'll call 'em monuments. Never forget.
SUNDAY, SEPT. 24:
A Wawa gas station in Pinellas Park was evacuated and the bomb squad was called when somebody noticed a cooler sitting next to some gas tank vent pipes. We at Sh*t Happened like to poke a little fun when the bomb squad gets called out for, like, a ratty suitcase sitting by the side of the road, but this was a prudent call, even though it turned out somebody was just hoping for the Beer Fairy to come along and top that shit off.
And finally, Snooty the manatee got his long-delayed memorial at the South Florida Museum in Bradenton, following an investigation into his death and a postponement due to Hurricane Irma. "Who? Oh, right right right," said a bunch of people who were outraged two months ago.
This article appears in Sep 21-28, 2017.