It's a beautiful day! Don't fall for Fake Almost Autumn, though — that shit's a heartbreaker of a con.
Pasco County estimated it suffered $89 million in damage from Hermine, just regarding residential stuff alone. Wow, that's a lot of — wait. No. NO. Sorry about that. We're a snarkalicious sort, but we're not gonna kick our people when they're down. (I know we almost did, but that just makes us almost assholes, OK?) Heal up, and we'll help where we can, Pasco.
In other Pasco news, a resident pled guilty to impersonating a U.S. Senator — that's right, future journos, the past tense of "plead" is "pled," not "plead," never forget — on the phone with a collection agency. That ol' Important Guy On The Phone scam only works if you've got the charisma and chutzpah of a young Matthew Broderick, people.
David Jolly brought a jar of the type of mosquitos that typically carry the Zika virus on the floor of the U.S. House of Representatives, to prove a point about Congress's failure to OK financial help for Florida in combating the disease — the point being that not even our nation's leaders can resist theatrics more suited to a junior high school debate team, one assumes.
And finally, a Southwest Florida man was reportedly rescued from Lee County waters after being stuck on a sandbar and surrounded by 10 aggressive and curious sharks. The man was unscathed; unfortunately, the same cannot be said for his board shorts.
This article appears in Sep 8-15, 2016.