Shrieking purveyor of delusional word salad Sarah Palin endorsed creepy blowhard Donald Trump Tuesday in Ames, Iowa after a couple of days of speculation, an endorsement that could hurt Texas Sen. Ted Cruz's chances in the Iowa Caucus Feb. 1.
Slate called her endorsement speech "post-apocalyptic poetry."
Cruz called the move a "blow to Sarah Palin."
Before she got on stage, Trump's introduction remarks were…thoughtful?:
"This is a person who I've known for a long time, who I've respected for so long. An incredible husband,* an incredible family. And somebody when I heard that SHE** was going to endorse me, you have no idea how honored. And I would like to bring up, if I might, Governor Sarah Palin. Special, special person. Thank you."
Palin walked on stage, and surprisingly didn't seem drunk as she uttered the following:
"Thank you so much, it's so great to be here in Iowa, we're here, just thawin' out. He is from the private sector, not a politician. Can I get a hallelujah?"
(Crowd screams "Hallelujah!")
Then she came out with a fifth-grade level rationale for a Trump presidency:
"Where, in the private sector you actually have to balance budgets in order to keep the main thing the main thing, and he knows the main thing, a president is to keep us safe economic and militarily. He knows the main thing, and he knows how to lead the charge. So, troops, hang in there, because help is on the way there, because HE, better than anyone, isn't he known for being able to command fire? Are you ready for a commander-in-chief? You ready for a commander-in-chief who will let our warriors do their job and go kick ISIS' ass?! Ready for someone who will secure our borders to secure our jobs and to secure our homes? Ready to make America great again? Are you ready to stump for Trump? I'm ready to support the next President of the United States, Donald Trump."
At the beginning of the 20-minute I-don't-know-what-except-that-I-need-a-cocktail that followed, she made sure to point out how the media that was covering the event just so shocked!
"Mr. Trump, you're right, look back there in the press box. Heads are spinnin'. Media heads are spinnin'. This is going to be so. Much. Fun."***
*Yes, the most important quality of a woman is the incredibleness of her husband.
**Yes, we, too, are surprised that someone with ovaries would endorse you, Donald, with the exception of Palin.
***Okay, first of all, no. Not fun. You represent all that is not fun. Second of all, there's no such thing as a fucking press box at political rallies like this; you know damn well the media were all situated on a scaffold in the back to the room. Also, no one was really all that surprised, given the speculation over the last couple of days. You are walking clickbait and an easy target and that's all you'll ever be. Unless you become Trump's running mate and then vice president, in which case you will find me deep in a Cambodian jungle for the subsequent eight years.
The rest of her speech is below:
This article appears in Jan 14-20, 2016.