Looks as though Rays pitcher David Price came back from the disabled list much the same way astronaut Steve Austin returned after a disturbing "Lifting Body" crash in 1973. I can still remember him on the operating table … barely alive. The guy looked like it would be easier if they just grounded him into hot dogs and called it a day. Yet this dude Oscar Goldman insisted they could not only rebuild him, but also to the point where he would be better. Stronger. Faster. Everybody thought old Oscar fell off the wagon again. But sure enough, they had the technology and Austin was crushing tennis balls and running in slo-mo in no time, costing taxpayers a cool $6 million. Five months later, Nixon resigned. What … look it up.
Anyhoo, the point is, Price is back. Like bionic back. Granted, recently the Rays have enjoyed the American League weenies. But when it's time to beat the teams you need to beat, a 98 pitch complete game with zero walks is nothing to sneeze at. And cover your mouth, for God's sake. What are you, three? After sweeping Chicago for the first time in (papers rustling) hey, look at that … ever, the Rays went ahead and mopped up the Minnesota Twinkies … okay, who kind of suck … in a four game series this week (Twinkie the Kid was arrested at Ferg's Wednesday afternoon on a drunk and disorderly and is currently on suicide watch). Keep rolling, boys.
This article appears in Jul 11-17, 2013.