have been in the swinging lifestyle for more than eight years.  I guess you could call Soccer Dad and I seasoned swingers.  Even with this vast amount of experience I still don't know what swingers are looking for all the time.  Sometimes I rely on other means to get to the bottom of that burning question:  what are they really looking for?

Many swingers have an online profile on a swinger website.  This is a good place to start.  Here are some examples of what swingers are looking for:

We are looking for couples with similar interests.  This means if they are a full swap couple they don't want a soft swap couple.  If they don't smoke, neither should you.  This doesn't mean if they like to read crime novels they would appreciate you are well read and ready to discuss over whiskey and cigars.

Susie is bi, but prefers the boys. John is only interested in girls.  Susie will let the female go down on her, but don't expect her to reciprocate.  John is plan Jane straight.  Don't enter into the situation expecting a great bisexual experience.  It's going to end up being straight sex.

We are not Ken and Barbie and don't expect you to be either.  They aren't in shape.  If you don't mind someone potentially heavy, then you are set!

Not everyone previews profiles and pictures, makes plans, and then meets at a bar before hooking up.  Some meet in a club and strike up a conversation.  Do you ask what they like in bed?  How do you know if she or he is bisexual? How do you know if they want to fuck you?

Swinging is a lot like hooking up on the first date.  Some things are discovered only after the magic starts.  Other things are important to know before diving in such as is she bi or is he bi?  Most women who are totally uninterested in other women will say that upfront to avoid any potential uncomfortable moments.  Men on the other hand have it a little harder (no pun intended), being bi is still a bit taboo even in this lifestyle, and men will  hide the fact they are bi unless they are certain the other man is bi as well. I really do find this an unfortunate fact of life, I wish all people could be accepting and non judgemental.

Part of the excitement of swinging is being with someone new.  The newness factor leads to the fun of discovering what each other likes.  Maybe we should not worry so much about what everyone is looking for and just enjoy the fun.

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This article appears in Sep 30 – Oct 7, 2009.