I had a job once. I know what you're thinking.

"Can this wait until Monday?"

"Okay, I've already said 'hi' to her in passing so now I need to come up with a joke."

"I can't believe that asshole called a meeting on a Friday. Ever heard of email?"

"Ugh, here comes the douche again. Pick up the phone and look busy."

"If I perfectly position myself over this memo, I wonder if I could get a quick nap."

"Dammit! Again? I thought I took care of that this morning. I'm using a bathroom stall on another floor. Hope someone left a Creative Loafing."

I understand. We are truly, as the poets of Loverboy wisely proclaimed back in the '80s, "working for the weekend". So in the interest of finishing it up, shutting it down and blowing it out, here's the quickest, most ADD riddled Binge to date to give you just enough knowledge to keep from embarrassing yourself at Happy Hour. That is until you motorboat the hot receptionist. Again.

Rays lost a game they should have won. We get it. If Cocoa Crisp hadn't had a rocket up his butt to catch that fly ball, if Pennington's hit landed an inch to the right, if my aunt had balls, if frogs had wings, and if if's and but's were candies and nuts, every day would be Christmas. Now get back out there boys, and win a game you're supposed to win (sorry, I'm a little cranky from the WNBA Tulsa Shock loss to the New York Liberty last night. Rays! I meant the Rays loss).

Speaking of Shock. There's a Storm a-brewin in Spokane. Washington that is. The Tampa Bay Storm play the Spokane Shock for all the Washington's in ArenaBowl XXIII. I'm watching for the commercials. I hear there's an animated PBR Bowl (look, the cans are playing football! Delightful). There's a watch party at the Rock-n-Sports Bistro in Centro Ybor at 7p. Strict dress code so bring your dressy Jorts.

Quickest Hits Ever:

This article appears in Aug 19-25, 2010.