UPCOMING RELEASES
THE COVENANT (PG-13) It's The Craft meets The Lost Boys as action-flick hack-for-hire Renny Harlin adapts a graphic novel about a quartet of supernaturally powered teens facing off against evil entities. Stars Steven Stait, Sebastian Stan, Toby Hemingway and Chace Crawford. Opens Sept. 8 at local theaters. (Not Reviewed)
THE PROTECTOR (R) There's a tremendous amount of hype floating around about Thai martial arts artist Tony Jaa being the "New Jackie Chan," or perhaps even the "New Bruce Lee," and most of that hype turns out to be well-deserved. Jaa may not have Lee's raw charisma or Chan's self-deprecating comedic chops but, just on the strength of 2004's Ong Bak and now this quaint little bone-crusher (alternately known as The Warrior King, Tom Yum Goong and Ong Bak 2), there's nobody in contemporary action films that can touch him. The plot of The Protector is pretty simple (even silly) stuff — Jaa plays a simple country lad who travels to Sydney Australia when his prized elephant is stolen by evil thugs — but the energy level is unflagging and the action is frequently spectacular. Jaa faces off against a seemingly endless stream of increasingly lethal opponents in a variety of unusual settings, the highlight of which is an uninterrupted 10-minute tracking shot of our hero fighting his way floor by floor through the bad guys' lair. Also stars Johnny Nguyen, Mum Jokmok and Petchtahi Wongkamlao. Opens Sept 8 at local theaters. 3.5 stars
RECENT RELEASES
ACCEPTED (PG-13) After being rejected by every college on the planet, a group of oddball high school graduates appease their parents by secretly creating a fake university, which conveniently accepts them all as students. Complications, as if you couldn't guess, arise. Stars Justin Long, Blake Lively, Mark Derwin and Columbus Short. Opens August 18 at local theaters. (Not Reviewed)
THE ANT BULLY (PG) If Antz was Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead tweaked as kiddie animation, then The Ant Bully might just be Das Kapital for tykes. Both movies put us up close and personal with a colony of plucky, stylized ants, but the inevitable life lessons learned seem to point in different (albeit equally warm and fuzzy) directions. Antz celebrated heroic individualism; the somewhat blander The Ant Bully extols the virtues of collective teamwork, but both movies culminate in group hugs and are cut from pretty much the same generic cloth. The story here concerns Lucas (Zack Tyler Eisen), a 10-year-old boy who takes out his frustrations on an ant hill, gets shrunk down to ant-size by a bug wizard (Nicolas Cage), and then must live among the colony until he proves to its six-legged inhabitants that he's got the right stuff. Exciting adventures ensue involving ominous wasps and hungry bullfrogs, sprinkled periodically with touchy-feely moments, uplifting speeches, and culminating in a life-or-death showdown with an obsessed exterminator (Paul Giamatti). Featuring the voices of Nicolas Cage, Julia Roberts, Meryl Streep, Paul Giamatti and Zack Tyler Eisen. 3 stars
BARNYARD (PG) Can't get enough of those computer-generated animated movies about cute, talking animals? Here's this week's — although the writer-director here is Steve Oedekerk (Ace Ventura, Kung Pow), which might indicate something's going on just a tad bit more subversive than the norm, if you squint hard enough. Featuring the voices of Courteney Cox, Kevin James and Danny Glover. (Not Reviewed)
CARS (G) As animated opuses go, this one doesn't quite scale the heights of the Toy Story movies, Monsters, Inc., The Incredibles or Nemo, but — and of course you knew this was coming — even the least of Pixar's efforts is better than 99 percent of the competition. The story here — of an ambitious, self-centered racecar who learns to slow down and smell the diesel — hits all the right emotional notes, but feels a bit scattered and long-winded in the telling, and there are lengthy stretches where not much of anything seems to be happening. The animation is up to Pixar's exalted standards and then some, but the film's style doesn't leap out at you like the company's other efforts, and the anthropomorphic autos, while readymade for marketing tie-ins, seem a touch or two less endearing and enduring than what we've come to expect from the guys who gave us Toy Story. Pound for pound, there's still some solid family entertainment to be had in Cars, but the movie's nearly two-hour running time may have you checking your watch more than once. Features the voices of Owen Wilson, Paul Newman, Bonnie Hunt, Larry the Cable Guy and Cheech Marin. 3 stars
CLERKS II While it doesn't pack the fresh creative punch Kevin Smith's original low-budget classic, Clerks II is still a reasonably funny follow-up to a movie that was pretty darn good standing all on its own. Picking up more than a decade after Clerks, the movie opens with sardonic store clerk Dante Hicks (Brian O'Halloran) discovering that the Quick Stop where he works has met a most unfortunate end. All this is punctuated by the wall-leaning antics of Jay (Jason Mewes) and Silent Bob (Smith), who are still dealing drugs but loving Jesus and practicing sobriety in the midst of various entertaining dance sequences, the best being a Silence of the Lambs homage that you really have to see to appreciate. Also stars Rosario Dawson and Trever Fehrmann. 3.5 stars —Leilani Polk
CRANK (R) Not sure if anyone's formally acknowledged the debt to the old noir standby D.O.A., but this sounds suspiciously like a pumped-up remake. Jason Statham stars as a guy who's been poisoned and, with only an hour to live, begins tearing up the joint in an effort to locate his killers. Also stars Amy Smart. Not Reviewed)
THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA (PG-13) Much like the HBO sit-coms for which its director, David Frankel, is best known (Entourage and Sex and the City), The Devil Wears Prada zips along at a bright, busy clip, is competently crafted, mildly amusing and ultimately disposable. It's surprisingly easy to overlook the lack of substance and originality, however, when you've got Meryl Streep, in one of her most fully realized and thoroughly entertaining performances, holding court at the center of your movie. Technically speaking, our main character is a schlumpy, aspiring journalist named Andy Sachs (Anne Hathaway) who lucks into a job as assistant to the notorious Miranda Priestly (Streep), the powerful and ultra-sophisticated editor of a fictitious, Vogue-like fashion magazine called Runway. Tastemaker, queen bitch and snob extraordinaire, Streep's Priestly is an icy dragon lady who speaks softly and carries a big thermonuclear device, and every moment she's on screen is something to see. Just about everything else in The Devil Wears Prada, however, is negligible. Doe-eyed Andy transforms from fashion victim to couture-conscious swan and, as her career takes off, her personal life predictably disintegrates. Several bland romantic interests hover at the edges of the story, various minor characters deliver periodic speeches moralizing about Andy's impending loss of integrity, and Stanley Tucci pops up as the obligatory gay co-worker with whom our heroine bonds. Stars Meryl Streep, Anne Hathaway, Stanley Tucci, Emily Blunt and Adrian Grenier. 2.5 stars
THE GREAT NEW WONDERFUL (R) Although it's been conspicuously hyped as a post-9-11 think piece, the real strengths of this ensemble drama lie in its rigorous powers of observation as it puts a group of more-or-less ordinary New Yorkers through their daily paces. Not much that's particularly extraordinary happens, but that's exactly the point. An elderly woman (Olympia Dukakis) flirts with the idea of an affair; a troubled couple (Judy Greer and Tom McCarthy) deal with an incorrigible problem child; a celebrity baker (Maggie Gyllenhaal) faces off with her arch rival (Edie Falco); a cheerful office drone (Jim Gaffigan) receives counseling for some nameless tragedy he may or may not have witnessed. Perhaps the most memorable and oddest thing of all about The Great New Wonderful, however, is that it was directed by the same guy who gave the world the whacked-out stoner opuses Dude, Where's My Car? and Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle. Also stars Tony Shalhoub, Nasseeruddin Shah and Sharat Saxena. Opens Sept. 1 at Tampa Theatre. Call theatre to confirm. 3.5 stars
HOW TO EAT FRIED WORMS (PG) An 11-year-old boy is threatened by a bully and winds up having to prove himself by scarfing down a fully-stocked buffet of fat, wriggling worms. The title might just say it all, as the movie is basically being publicized as a bunch of kids trying not puke as they consume a series of gross-out recipes including "worm a la mud," "the green slusher," and the always popular "peanut butter and worm sandwich." Fans of MAD magazine and Fear Factor get in line. Stars James Rebhorn, Kimberly Williams-Paisley and Tom Cavanagh. (Not Reviewed)
THE ILLUSIONIST (R) Eisenheim (Edward Norton) is a master magician in 19th-century Vienna, summoning ghosts from mirrors and commanding orange trees to grow from seeds in seconds. Exploiting the power of art and of the supernatural, the charismatic Eisenheim's cosmic parlor tricks soon gain him a rabid following among the local hoi polloi — putting the magician on a direct collision course with their sadistic, egomaniacal ruler, Crown Prince Leopold (Rufus Sewell). There's also a beautiful woman (Jessica Biel) in the mix, natch, desired by both men, and so making this royal pissing match all the more personal and vicious. For most of its running time, The Illusionist has the good sense to keep its mysteries exactly as they should be: mysterious. It's a handsomely crafted, pleasant enough diversion, but the film nearly squanders its accumulated good will in a cheap-shot ending that attempts to "surprise" us by tying up every loose end in an elaborate M. Night Shyamalan meets The Usual Suspects bow. Also stars Paul Giamatti. 3 stars
AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH (PG-13) This is the Al Gore Movie in much the same way that Brokeback Mountain was for the longest time the Gay Cowboy Movie. The movie is gussied up with lots of slick visual aids, but it is essentially a filmed lecture delivered by Gore to a polite, well-groomed audience. Gore comes off as authoritative (in his crisp blue blazer) but friendly and approachable (note the lack of tie) — but although the messenger is friendly, the message is anything but. An Inconvenient Truth is designed to scare the hell out of us, and that's just what it does. Gore provides ample but concise evidence of global warming, debunks the phenomenon's would-be debunkers, then gets down-and-dirty with an extended cataloging of the effects of unrestricted fossil fuel burning. Unfortunately, the movie is flawed by periodic interludes that look a lot like campaign ads for Gore's 2008 Presidential run (complete with endless shots of Al as government's last honest man, staring pensively out of doorways and windows, the weight of the world on his broad shoulders). Even more troubling, however, is that after nearly an hour and a half of ecological doom and gloom, we get barely a few minutes of suggestions as to how global warming might be fixed. The "solutions" scroll simultaneously with the closing credits almost as an afterthought, as if the filmmakers hope we won't notice how pathetic it is to believe recycling a few cans is going to stave off the next tsunami. That might just be the scariest thing of all in the scariest disaster film of the summer. 3.5 stars
LEONARD COHEN: I'M YOUR MAN (PG-13) As tribute concerts go, this 2005 all-star homage to pop-poet/man-about-town Leonard Cohen certainly has its moments, but few of the performances really add to our appreciation of the man they're meant to honor. Fortunately, however, Leonard Cohen: I'm Your Man is sprinkled with extensive insights from a variety of exotic talking heads (of whom Cohen himself is by far the best) that get much closer to the heart of the matter. Stars Leonard Cohen, Rufus Wainwright, Kate and Anna McGarrigle, Nick Cave, Antony, Linda Thompson, Perla Battala, Bert Orton and U2. 3 stars
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE (R) The current darling of the Sundance crowd and the feel-good bummer of the summer, Little Miss Sunshine is all about gawking at the geeks. The family members in this bittersweet comedy are all hugely dysfunctional and the movie turns them into such ridiculous figures of fun that it often feels condescending, but Little Miss Sunshine is ultimately much more interested in being endearing than offensive. Or, heaven forbid, edgy. Everything here is fair game for comedy (the more embarrassing the better), but husband and wife co-directors Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris diligently avoid letting comic exaggeration slide into cruelty, supplying a comforting squeeze of the hand of a full-blown group hug whenever possible, so that we walk away from even the most potentially unpleasant scenes feeling uplifted rather than dirty. The result is a movie that, although often very amusing, also feels more than a little forced as it struggles to balance its quirkiness with the big, fat heart it wears so proudly on its sleeve. The excellent ensemble cast includes Greg Kinnear, Toni Collette, Steve Carell, Paul Dano, Abigail Breslin and Alan Arkin. 3 stars
MIAMI VICE (R) About the only thing this movie supposedly has in common with the popular '80s TV show is the name and director Michael Mann. Forget the '80s and those dopey blazers with the rolled-up sleeves — this big screen, R-rated Miami Vice takes place in a gritty, decidedly contemporary Miami with nary a pastel color or stubbly Don Johnston in sight. Bolstering the movie's box office potential are Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx in the lead roles. Also stars Gong Li. (Not Reviewed)
MONSTER HOUSE (PG) The night before Halloween, sleuthing middle-schoolers DJ (Mitchell Musso), Chowder (Sam Lerner) and Jenny (Spencer Locke) suspect that the spooky house across the street possesses supernatural powers and a ravenous appetite for trick-or-treaters. Though way too loud and intense for small kids, Monster House at least proves less nightmarish than The Polar Express' attempts at holiday cheer. It also feels like a deliberate throwback to the 1980s' shrill, silly suburban adventures like The Goonies, so take that either as an endorsement or a warning. 2 stars —Curt Holman
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST (PG-13) Most of the elements that turned the original Pirates of the Caribbean into a surprise hit are in place here, retooled in a more lavish, frenetic Indiana Jones-ish manner that invites us to slam-gaze through an array of exotic locations, head-hunting cannibals, voodoo priestesses, swordfights, bad teeth, brawls, lots of swashbuckling pirates and, of course, zombies, zombies, zombies. This sequel achieves an admirable fusion of adventure, romance and horror that's similar to but not quite as effortless as the brew cooked up by the first film, with fabulous special effects but a story that comes off less like a crisply shaped narrative and more like an assortment of North by Northwest-inspired wild, wild goose chases in which various friends and foes collide while scurrying after a series of red herrings and holy grails. As with the summer's other recent blockbuster, Superman Returns, Pirates is too long by at least a half-hour and takes its sweet time getting going, but once that final hour kicks in, the movie takes off and doesn't look back. The stunts and battles of Pirates get bigger and better, finally achieving serious forward momentum, and the movie's impact finally catches up with its inflated budget. Stars Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, Bill Nighy, Stellan Skarsgard, Tom Hollander and Jonathan Price. 3.5 stars
A PRAIRIE HOME COMPANION (PG-13) The off-kilter yet pleasantly homespun America on display in this good-natured collaboration between Robert Altman and Garrison Keillor isn't really a story so much as a series of riffs, routines and odd ends that add up to considerably more than the sum of their parts. Then again, you might also say that the film's collection of small moments, tall tales and off-the-cuff anecdotes is nothing but story. Like so many Altman movies, this one is a wash of detail without concrete beginnings or ends, covering everything from love and death to sugar rushes and shoplifting. A Prairie Home Companion takes place on the set and behind the scenes of a long-running radio variety show in the process of broadcasting its final program. The show's musical guests, comedians and commentators compose a sort of family, both on stage and off, and Altman flits between observing their public performances and the backstage feuds, flings and foibles. The ensemble cast seems to be having a great time together (the chemistry between Harrelson and Reilly is particularly inspired), the overlapping dialogue is quintessential Altman, and most of it plays out in a way that's as effortlessly natural as it is enjoyable. Stars Garrison Keillor, Kevin Kline, Meryl Streep, Lily Tomlin, Virginia Madsen, Woody Harrelson, John C. Reilly and Lindsay Lohan. 4 stars
THE QUIET (R) Director Jamie Babbit moves a half-step up from the clumsy campfest of But I'm a Cheerleader to this sleek, angsty oddity about a lonely deaf girl who moves in with a suburban family and discovers some very ugly secrets. Like Babbit's previous film, however, The Quiet is also very much about the social politics of high school, and the movie sometimes feels like an after-school special imperfectly fused with some existential art flick where everyone wanders around mumbling about how much they hate their lives. The family that takes in poor, deaf Dot (Camilla Belle) consists of a pill-popping, semi-comatose mom (Edie Falco), a predatory dad (Martin Donovan) and a perky, blonde cheerleader daughter (Elisha Cutbert) who delights in tormenting the new houseguest. For her part, Dot may as well have a sign on her back reading "Kick me, I'm a misfit," and her snobby high school peers dutifully oblige by shunning the shabbily dressed outsider (all except for the local jock stud, who also has ADD, and apparently digs girls who can't hear him talk). The secrets and lies accumulate, along with whiffs of everything from incest to lesbianism; long, tortured gazes into the camera abound and the whole thing is set to creepy death-trance chamber-muzak ripped off from Crash. Also stars Shawn Ashmore and Katy Mixon. 2.5 stars
QUINCEANERA (NR) The title refers to that special celebration in the Latin-American community when a young girl turns 15 — a milestone that's just around the corner for Magdalena (Emily Rios). Unfortunately, Magdalena also happens to be pregnant, and consequently finds herself thrown out of her house and forced to move in with kindly old uncle Tomas (Chalo Gonzales), a welcoming angel who seems to specialize in smoothing over the family's rough edges. Uncle Tom's already taken in Magdalena's cousin Carlos (Jesse Garcia), who was kicked out of his own home for being gay, and the two young misfits soon form an uneasy but workable alliance that forms the basis of this sweet-natured indie. Rios and Garcia bring an appealingly intimate chemistry to their roles, and the film makes a few on-target observations about the gentrification of ethnic neighborhoods — and it's certainly nice to see a movie where Mexican-Americans aren't all portrayed as loco gangbangers — but Quinceanera is essentially pretty predictable stuff, in some ways little more than a barely tweaked after-school special. Also stars J.R. Cruz. 3 stars
SKETCHES OF FRANK GEHRY (NR) With four decades of big commercial features under his belt, director Sydney Pollack (Tootsie, The Way We Were, Out of Africa) chooses his old chum, legendary architect Frank Gehry, as the subject of his first foray into documentary filmmaking. As you might imagine, Sketches of Frank Gehry occasionally verges on a love letter from one old lion to another, but Pollack has the good sense to pepper the doc with a few talking heads who suggest that Gehry may be over-rated, and Gehry himself supplies enough self-doubt to keep things real. The film doesn't dig particularly deep, but Pollack manages to ask a lot of the right questions, cover most of the bases in such a way as to make Gehry understandable to lay viewers, and the imagery of those amazing, fluid buildings, is often simply astonishing. 3.5 stars
SNAKES ON A PLANE (PG-13) The title tells it all (mobsters sneak hundreds of deadly snakes aboard a plane to keep a witness from testifying), but Snakes on a Plane is a genuine phenomenon that's been snowballing for months. Largely thanks to an Internet feeding frenzy, Snakes on a Plane arrives with plenty of hype to live up to — but, luckily for the film, it's the sort of hype that's not particularly demanding. Stars Samuel L. Jackson, Byron Lawson, Kenan Thompson, Rachel Blanchard and Flex Alexander. (Not Reviewed)
SUPERMAN RETURNS (PG-13) What to do with a ridiculously old-fashioned icon in these jaded, post-postmodern times? Why, make him an even more iconic icon, of course. Superman Returns is classy pop art that pushes every heroic anachronism and narrative inconsistency of the Superman mythos to its outer limits, then steps back and dares us to deny it. Taking up pretty much right after 1980's Superman II, Superman Returns meticulously recreates the spirit and particulars of Richard Donner's first two Superman outings, with our hero (a slightly wooden Brandon Routh) back in action after a prolonged absence — only to discover former flame Lois Lane (Kate Bosworth, also wooden) hooked up with another man, and perpetual arch-enemy Lex Luthor (Kevin Spacey, putting a slightly more sinister spin on Gene Hackman's version) waiting in the wings. There's certainly fun to be had here, but Superman Returns takes such a reverential approach to its famous hero that he sometimes seems like an insect in amber, and consequently the film floats as often as it soars (it doesn't help that the pacing of this 2 1/2-hour opus is a bit dodgy, particularly in the beginning). But when the movie does get down to business, all is forgiven, with spectacular special effects sequences and elegant cinematic poetry that lifts Superman Returns several notches above standard popcorn fare. As superhero movies go, Superman Returns isn't quite the success story of Batman Begins (although both films reinvent the wheel by getting back to basics), but it makes a solid case for the continued relevance of Superman and his franchise. Also stars stars Parker Posey, James Marsden, Frank Langella and Eva Marie Saint. 3.5 stars
TALLADEGA NIGHTS: THE BALLAD OF RICKY BOBBY (PG-13) Will Ferrell trots out yet another variation of his standard character — clueless, a bit pompous, but thoroughly silly and ultimately redeemable (think Adam Sandler crossed with The Mary Tyler Moore Show's Ted Baxter) — in this enjoyably ridiculous outing from the folks who brought you Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. Ferrell's redneck racecar driver in Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby is basically just TV talking head Ron Burgundy with a different accent and worse table manners, and the new movie is even more of a plotless excuse for Ferrell's riffing than Anchorman was. That said, much of Talladega Nights is really quite funny, cruising along with considerable energy as it unleashes volleys of bizarre comic non-sequiturs and what appear to be semi-improvised skits. A lot of it falls flat but every so often a scene appears out of nowhere and simply floors us (case in point: the priceless sequence of an extended family dinner, featuring one of the oddest graces ever uttered.) Stars Will Ferrell, John C. Reilly, Sacha Baron Cohen, Gary Cole and Michael Clarke Duncan. 3 stars
THE WICKER MAN (PG-13) Not sure why the studio opted not to screen this in time for press deadlines, but I'm going to be optimistic and hope that the decision wasn't based on the usual reasons (ie: the film sucks). Neil LaBute, a director best known for his own psychologically brutalizing material, remakes one of the more beloved and best cult horror flicks of the '70s, in which a police officer investigates strange events on a remote island. Stars Nicolas Cage, Molly Parker, Ellen Burstyn, Leelee Sobieski and Frances Conroy. (Not Reviewed)
WORLD TRADE CENTER (PG-13) Oliver Stone's curiously conventional new film comes a little too close to being the movie everybody feared United 93 would turn out to be. Stone's movie is both too much and not enough, too calculating and often alarmingly bogus as it proceeds to boil down the events of September 11 into the ordeal of a couple of Port Authority cops trapped in the rubble of the twin towers. World Trade Center is essentially an old-school disaster flick, a based-on-real-life Apollo 13-ish drama that segues predictably between the plight of beleaguered, confined heroes and the agonies of their free-roaming friends and loved ones. The scenario plays out in methodical, surprisingly formulaic fashion (Stone, whose best films have always been written by himself, works here from a script by Andrea Berloff), with the director sublimating his unique filmmaking instincts and brazen stylistic flourishes in the service of a final product that, frankly, looks like it could have been made by any old hack. The nominal star here is Nicolas Cage, literally a talking head here, spending most of the movie completely immobilized and buried up to the neck in debris like some sooty reject from a Samuel Beckett play. When the movie isn't dwelling on Cage howling into the darkness, it's following around his significant others as they strut and fret, seizing on every sentimental cliché in the book. Also stars Michael Pena, Maria Bello, Maggie Gyllenhaal and Michael Shannon. 2.5 stars
YOU, ME AND DUPREE (PG-13) Fans of Owen Wilson films will be disappointed to know that his latest picture falls short of the comedy bar he's so firmly established. When the loveable yet immature Dupree (Wilson) gets fired from his job and kicked out of his apartment, he's forced to move in with his newlywed friends, Carl and Molly (played by Matt Dillon and Kate Hudson). Of course, he quickly manages to turn their world upside down — which includes accidentally setting fire to the couple's living room — but while the are a few humorous scenes scattered throughout the movie, and, despite the star power of Michael Douglas as Molly's father and Carl's manipulative boss, You, Me and Dupree's overall plot lacks true comedic substance and it comes to a rather predictable conclusion. Also stars Amanda Detmer and Seth Rogan. 2 stars —Amy Moczynski
ZOOM (PG) Tim Allen is an over-the-hill, super-powered teacher at a school for budding young superheroes. No, it's not Sky High and it's certainly not an X-Men movie. It only seems that way. Also stars Courteney Cox, Rip Torn and Chevy Chase. (Not Reviewed)
This article appears in Sep 6-12, 2006.