Weekends are like snowflakes. Every one is different, and they taste delicious on your tongue. Of course, fuck snowflakes, because this is Florida and right about now we've worn all our pretty winter clothes and are thinking longingly about sitting on a warm beach with a rum drink.
Unfortunately for us, that fucking groundhog is a selfish bastard and we're looking at another weekend of what the Danes call "lovely summer weather" but you and I call "some cherry-crusted bullshit."
Nevertheless, a weekend is a weekend, and not to be wasted. Here's how to make the most of yours:
You know what? Have a light lunch, then leave work early to make the 5 p.m. crawfish boil at Ricky P.'s, From there, head to Gulfport's Catherine Hickman Theater lobby to see Ducks, Kittens and Puppies: Our Love Affair With Animals, a photo show that includes some of Gulfport's irregular pets, some of CL's staffers' pets, and a few protected animals. The artist reception lasts from 6-8 p.m., leaving you plenty of time to grab a cocktail from the warm and cozy bar down the street. Which one, you ask? Take your pick: Pia's Trattoria or Boca Bay both make great options!
On to Saturday, have a leisurely breakfast – grab a cafe con leche and a muffin at St. Petersburg's Slate Door Brew– and then head to the third annual Localtopia in William's Park.
Check out everything local – from the beer to the bags – and then head south for Clyde Butcher's spring open house. No one photographs Florida like him; go see his breathtaking black and white landscapes. Yes, Venice can be quite a haul, so pack a windbreaker and take advantage of nearby Venice Beach to grab some great shark's teeth, then have a quick meal on the pier at Sharky's. On your way back, stop by the Citrus Place (if you haven't read Kate Bradshaw's piece about Florida citrus, you should – she interviewed owner Ben Tillett) in Terra Ceia for some fresh-squeezed Florida orange juice.
Now, as for Sunday: Get to the Florida State Fair. Yeah, yeah, deep-fried everything, potential deathtraps disguised as rides, the chance to flirt with career carnies… you want to see the fish tank competition. Seriously. Also, the Hollywood Pig Races. That's thing, people. Check out or non-deep-fried coverage of the fair, get a picture of an outrageous chicken, and tweet it to us (@CL_arts). Make sure you see the Hollywood Pig Races, the Insect Encounter (complete with explanations of how medical examiners can tell how long someone's been dead) and, while you're at it, feed a butterfly or two.
OK, so for a cold winter weekend, you accomplished a hell of a lot. Well done, you guys! Let's do it again next week – same bat time, same bat channel, but maybe we can wear shorts, eh?
This article appears in Jan 28 – Feb 3, 2016.