First and foremost, I want to apologize for being a couple days late this week-ish. Sunday night was a wash, thanks to four and half hours of Lost and I was still reeling from my island-style tearfest on Monday, so here we are and I finally have some news for you on Wednesday morning. Enjoy.
- Lindsay Lohan managed to dominate "the news" this week with "staged" cocaine pictures, "lost passports" in Cannes, "non-affairs" with cougarish photographers, a "super-serious court appearance" rocking the kind of suit women wear in bad movies about sexy attorneys/porn* AND she has forced me type a run-on sentence and overuse quotation marks in the first bullet point. Damn you Lindsay, damn you and your quotation-worthy lifestyle.
- While we are talking about people who are mildly unbelievable and make me want to claw out my eyes and ears in one fell swoop, Megan Fox was also making news (must resist urge to use quotation marks… OMG, it's so hard!) this week. She was fired from, or ummmm, is choosing not to return for Transformers 3… riiiiiiight. Also, she so can't cook, she could totally live like a week without food if she had to, that's how much she doesn't cook. I hope they replace her with Janice from Friends for Transformers 3, she is less annoying.
- In an interesting and sad twist, Brittany Murphy's husband, Simon Monjack, was found dead this week in their home. Don't do drugs. Lesson learned.
After the jump, Girls Gone Wild drama, a Jonas Brothers' marital bliss, Bieber gets accosted, I am moving to New York, and Tila Tequila minus the tequila….
This article appears in May 20-26, 2010.