Let's recap the events leading up to the exciting conclusion of America's Next Food Network Hack next Sunday! Who will be tapped to "host whatever Sunday morning ghetto slot they have in store for the winner"(Bourdain's gone soft on the show over at Ruhlman)?
I haven't updated you on the status of this titannic competition since the beginning because, well, nothing's really happened. People stammered and stuttered on camera, mediocre food was made to look edible and people were dropped. No big whoop.
Let me help out the judges. If you were still, this late in the game, looking for that indefinable "star quality" out of the final contestants, you may as well give it up. All this show has proved is that almost any schmo with a little training and minimal stage presence can host a show on the Food Network. Is that the message you want to portray, Tuschman and friends? Mission accomplished.
This week, though, things have changed — there's some drama! The judges slotted JAG into the final two, then managed to pick busty Rory over the milder, but vastly more competent Amy. But wait! Don't vote yet!
It turns out that JAG likes to pad his resume. Maybe it was a typo – "I meant to say that I had never been to Iraq and I did not graduate from cooking school." In a tearful confrontation, he comes clean with the judges, who pat him on his back and send him on his way with no hard feelings. Sad, 'cause he was the best cook of the bunch.
That does bring Amy back into the fold, which makes me happy. Her "gourmet next door" or whatever she names her "style" is always just an excuse to bring some serious French cooking into the kitchen. Me likee.
The final battle is up to you. Do you want Busty Horseteeth? Or Frenchy McNoLips? Go vote already.
This article appears in Jul 11-17, 2007.