And now for something a little different. File this under "library, treasures of the."

Whenever I'm blue, I get a book down from the shelf, turn to page 78 and begin to laugh.

It's Fred C. Harris.

It's one of those books available by special order. You can also find a used copy online for $85 or so. It's worth every penny. You can also find it at the library, which is a pretty cool place. It's like the Internet, only with stuff printed out.

On page 78, the authors simply list their favorite nicknames of ballplayers. I've never needed more than five bites of the first column before I begin to feel better.

I present this selection of names as a public service to all humanity. If only the United Nations General Assembly would join me in my mission to bring peace to the world . . . .

If this was read aloud before that body, in all the languages of earth, we could achieve a just and lasting peace.

It's hard to fight when you're laughing.

(I use the Rocky Bridges card as an illustration. The nickname 'Rocky' isn't nearly as funny as his real name — Everett. But Boyd and Harris write an essay on every baseball card in their book and the essay on Bridges is probably the funniest.)

Unfortunately, the tradition of baseball nicknames seems to have been lost. Since Boyd and Harris compiled this list three decades ago, there haven't been too many colorful additions. Chris Berman does his part on ESPN. There was a player on the University of Florida baseball team some years back named Dave Majeski. I tried to get one of my sportswriter friends to work Purple Mountains Majeski into his story one day. He did, but it didn't catch on.

The baseball nickname is the entymological equivalent of the dodo. So appreciate these names while you can.

This article appears in Jul 29 – Aug 4, 2009.