Dear Oracle, We’ve had to reschedule our wedding/reception three times due to COVID-19. We eloped to have spousal rights in October, and we will be married over a year by the time we can have our reception. The elopement was perfect for us. We still have to have our reception, or we lose thousands of dollars in deposits, and I’m honestly dreading it. What do I do to get excited for our delayed reception?—Exhausted Covid Bride
Cards for the situation now: Ten of Cups, Ace of Pentacles, King of Cups, Five of Swords
Carts for party prep: Seven of Pentacles reversed, The Hierophant, Three of Cups reversed
Dear Exhausted, Congratulations on getting married! Last year was exhausting for those wanting to get hitched. My own sister rescheduled twice before eloping; my best friend, thrice. And while it wasn’t ideal, both loved the experience. Elopements have a way of stripping everything down to the naked truth: you two love each other and want to get hitched. With the Ten and King of Cups, I can tell you love your spouse, that you’re happy in your marriage. But in the current situation, we have the idea of money (Ace of Pentacles) and a nasty ego block. (Five of swords).
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If you are dreading the reception, are you the one also pushing to have it? Are you having it out of spite because you’ll be goddamned if it goes to waste? Or is there someone else who's pushing for a reception? (Spouse? Parent? In-law?) First and foremost: you do not have to have a reception if you don’t want to. The deposits are gone, but that doesn’t mean you have to pay for a party to be miserable at.
But, I do want to offer a perspective that may help. We have The Hierophant, a figure of institutions, of spiritual orders; it might help to think of your reception not as a rescheduled party but as a second ceremony.
In Wicca, there’s a concept of “a year and a day.” In their weddings, called handfastings, some couples are only bonded together for a year and a day. After that time, they have the choice: continue onward or part ways. It’s a sort of natural check-in, a time to see how you’ve evolved as individuals and as a couple.
So, perhaps your reception can be a “year and a bit” ceremony. The Seven of Pentacles is getting deeper into work and learning complex skills. If you were to repeat your vows, how would they be different a year in? While your elopement was perfect, do you think you would get any joy in declaring your intentions in front of friends (Three of Cups)?
The term “vow renewal” comes with cynical baggage, but there’s something beautiful in re-declaring your love and intentions for someone over time. We aren’t the same people throughout our lives or our marriages. I think it’s sincere to say, “We did this. We married, I saw you in the cold light of catastrophe, and I want to keep growing with you.”
Perhaps if you don’t think of the reception as a delayed party but a celebration of what is to come as you unlock the door for Year Two of marriage, that might give it more emotional heft for you. And it might be nice to get that send-off with your friends in attendance.
You and your spouse know what’s best and what’s feasible. Again, if you want to cancel, you can. But if you think you could bring in some of that elopement energy into the reception, and that could make you happy, why not try? (Cake’s paid for anyway.)
Best of luck, my dear!
Dear Oracle, I miss my soulmate. The last four months apart have been challenging and sad. It has made me realize how in love I really am. I am anxious to reach out to him because I have said many hurtful things at times when I felt hurt by him. Do you see a future of us together again?—Law Bae in Love
Cards: The Hermit, Seven of Pentacles, Four of Pentacles
Dear Law Bae, one of the hardest lessons to learn in life is that love isn’t really all we need. Two people can love each other, but the relationship might not be best for them.
Now, I can’t tell you if you and your soulmate will be together in the future. Tarot is more diagnostic than predictive, and right now, the cards suggest that you spend some time caring for yourself.
We have The Hermit reversed, suggesting more alone time might be necessary. The Hermit isolates not because they hate the world but to hear their own inner voice and reflect. While I do not doubt you love your soulmate, you do mention saying hurtful things to him at times when you felt hurt by his actions in return. Looking back on those instances, do you feel like you were justified in hurting him? Do you feel like your soulmate meant to hurt you, either through malice or disregard?
As I mentioned above, the Seven of Pentacles is working on deeper skills. Coupled with the therapy-loving Four of Pentacles, you might consider seeing someone to work on issues you felt in your past relationship and process why you two parted ways. This is not to say that you and your soul mate may never be together again. You might!
Each relationship is different, and we learn about ourselves in them and out of them… but you’re the only person who’s in your life forever. You were there on day one, and you’ll be there ’til closing. Right now, you have the opportunity to learn about yourself in a more profound way. What’s important to you? What do you wish you did more of? Are there any habits that aren’t serving you? What do you want to let go of?
As for soulmates, I don’t think we get just one. The writer Kurt Vonnegut coined the term “Karass,” which is the group of people you’re supposed to move through this life with. Deep platonic friends can be soulmates; so can pets. You may very well end up with a soulmate, even if it’s not this particular one.
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This article appears in May 6-12, 2021.