Outtakes

AMERICAN SPLENDOR (PG-13) The movie American Splendor, like the comic book American Splendor, is about real life — the life of Harvey Pekar, a rumpled, cranky, middle-aged file clerk at a Cleveland veteran's hospital — in all its drab, dreary, petty glory. It's also about the ways that life is like a cartoon and the ways life sometimes transcends its own mundane details and becomes something sublime. The movie effortlessly blends live action and stylistic devices borrowed from cartoons to show us a series of darkly humorous vignettes from Pekar's life — his failed relationships, his daily grind, meeting up with a struggling underground cartoonist named R. Crumb (a meeting that led to a longtime collaboration). Filmmakers Shari Springer Berman and Robert Pulcini have a ball communicating all the rich contradictions in the material, even breaking the fourth wall from time to time to offer us the real-life Harvey and company commenting on the actors playing them on-screen. American Splendor is ultimately more heart than head trip, however, and all the movie's elaborate self-reflexivity is really just a means to an end. Stars Paul Giamatti, Hope Davis, Judah Friedlander and James Urbaniak. 1/2

AND NOW LADIES AND GENTLEMEN (PG-13) A jewel thief and a lounge singer, both with matching brain tumors, have some sort of mystically fateful encounter in Morocco while a variety of half-baked lounge songs gurgles away on the soundtrack, indirectly and directly commenting upon what we're seeing. The nuts and bolts of director Claude Lelouche's new film are just as wildly, impossibly romantic (and as shallow) as his best known movie, A Man and a Woman, but the whole thing's gussied up with someone's idea of what a cerebral, postmodern art film should be like. A director like Jacques Rivette might — might — have pulled off something this theatrical and self-reflexive, but in the hands of a lightweight like Lelouche, it all seems rather coy, pretentious and often simply ludicrous. Stars Jeremy Irons and Patricia Kaas.

ANYTHING ELSE (R) Woody Allen doing a teen comedy? Either a sure sign of the apocalypse or a desperate plea for continued relevance in a youth-dominated market. Maybe both. The rosy-cheeked stars of this strange bird are Christina Ricci and Jason Biggs (American Pie), whose nerdy screen persona might just turn out to be a weirdly appropriate alter ego for the rapidly wrinkling director. Also stars Stockard Channing and Jimmy Fallon. Opens Sept. 19 at local theaters. (Not Reviewed)

CABIN FEVER (R) A workmanlike fusion of Evil Dead, Blair Witch Project, Deliverance and I Know What You Did Last Summer, this slackly paced, wildly over-hyped splatter flick feels long even at a scant 90 minutes. Cabin Fever plops a group of vacationing college kids in a backwoods cabin and marks them all for death (via a mysterious, skin-disintegrating infection). The movie then takes half its running time to do what 28 Days Later did in less than five minutes — get everybody contaminated and spewing blood. There are a few cheap but effective scares scattered throughout, but the level of filmmaking is generally pretty pedestrian and entirely unoriginal.

COLD CREEK MANOR (R) Director Mike Figgis puts his cerebral experimentations on the back burner with this supernatural thriller about a yuppie couple who buy a country home that turns out to be possessed. The early reviews on this one are almost universally negative. Stars Dennis Quaid, Sharon Stone and Sephen Dorff. (Not Reviewed)

DICKIE ROBERTS, FORMER CHILD STAR (PG-13) David Spade's latest features the former SNL comedian as a 35-year-old parking valet desperate to reclaim the celebrity he briefly enjoyed on a TV sitcom when he was 5. Also stars Mary McCormack and Jon Lovitz. (Not Reviewed)

DIRTY PRETTY THINGS (R) One of the happiest and most unexpected surprises I caught at last year's Toronto Film Festival was this delightfully quirky thriller set within London's diverse immigrant community. In its own small, singular way, director Stephen Frears' Dirty Pretty Things has all the makings of a cult hit. The film features some great local color, an offbeat but steadily gripping plot involving black marketeers and organ-selling, a star turn by lead actor Chjwetel Ejiofor, and Amelie's Audrey Tautou as an illegal immigrant from Turkey, with a moustache. Also stars Sophie Okonedo. 1/2

DUPLEX (PG-13) A sweet little old lady turns out to be the neighbor from Hell when Drew Barrymore and hubby Ben Stiller move into the apartment just below her. Danny DeVito directs. Opens Sept. 26 at local theaters. (Not Reviewed)

FIGHTING TEMPTATIONS (PG-13) Sounds like Sister Act minus the nuns and with the addition of a down-home, country setting. Cuba Gooding Jr. stars as a sophisticated Manhattan ad executive who finds himself running a gospel choir in a sleepy little Southern town. Also stars Beyonce Knowles. (Not Reviewed)

FREAKY FRIDAY (PG) Taking a look at the lighter side of the generation gap, early 21st century-style, Disney remakes its 1976 comedy about a young girl switching bodies with her mom. It might have been fun if Jodie Foster, who was 14 when she played the daughter in the original movie, returned as the mom in the remake. Instead, we get an incessantly mugging but seriously unfunny Jamie Lee Curtis doing the honors, while fresh-faced Lindsay Lohan (star of Disney's Parent Trap remake) steps into Foster's old shoes. Lohan is mildly amusing playing the post-switcheroo teen with an adult's personality, but it's often just plain embarrassing watching Curtis strut around playing "young." Also stars Mark Harmon and Chad Murray.

FREDDY VS. JASON (R) Buckets of blood are the main ingredients here, along with oodles of siliconed breasts and an almost perverse disregard for anything smacking of imagination, originality or sense. The story, such as it is, is simply a collection of dated fright flick conventions and cliches, and amounts to a lame excuse to bring together the titular pair of horror has-beens. And, yes, they do actually go at it monstro e monstro — a battle which, despite all the grand guignol gore, turns out to be played mostly for laughs. Stars Robert Englund, James Callahan, Monica Keena and Lauren Lee Smith.

GRIND (PG-13) Eric Rivers (Mike Vogel) and his best friends decide to take a summer road trip together to follow their dream of getting noticed by the professional skateboarding world. Missing the transportation they would need for this venture, they secure the help of fellow skateboarder and van owner Sweet Lou (Joey Kern). They face countless obstacles but the cheesy and sometimes bizarre moments make the movie strangely endearing — and the cameos are simply priceless. Grind just might be the gem of teen movies this summer. Also starring Randy Quaid and Jason London. —Leilani Polk

HAUNTED CASTLE (PG) There's a story (albeit a lame one) somewhere in this latest giant screen 3-D featurette, but what Haunted Castle is really offering is just a stroll through a virtual reality spook house. The computer generated animation and effects are elaborate but not terribly imaginative — mostly a lot of twisted tree limbs, bats and birds of prey swooping in and out of the frame — and the main character simply walks around gasping at things. The highlight is a gravel-throated demon who sounds like a Jersey hit man straight out of The Sopranos (and voiced by Harry Shearer). The scares are generally pretty mild, but be aware that Haunted Castle contains a few scenes involving torture and mutilation that seem to warrant a much tougher rating than the PG the film was awarded. 1/2

I CAPTURE THE CASTLE (R) A charming but otherwise ordinary film about extraordinary people, as well as a coming-of-age tale narrated by the coming-of-ager herself. That would be Cassandra (Romola Garai), a sensitive 17-year-old who's part of a family of mad hatters stuck in a once grand, now badly deteriorated castle in the English countryside. Cassandra, like the rest of her tightly wound, emotionally unstable clan, experiences life in convulsive lurches, spewing and soaking up feelings as if they were bursts of rapidly misfiring synapses. And when a family of rich Americans comes calling, including a pair of handsome young brothers, things get particularly complicated. The film is literate but a bit on the light side, a little like a lesser Masterpiece Theatre production re-imagined as a BBC sitcom. Also stars Rose Byrne, Bill Nighy and Henry Thomas.

JEEPERS CREEPERS 2 (R) That Jeepers Creepers 2 is as exciting and occasionally freaky as it is becomes even more impressive considering its minimal premise: a stranded school bus full of football players and cheerleaders become a meal for a flying, undying creature on the last day of its feeding cycle. The movie offers plenty of deliciously horrible scares despite the basically no-frills approach, and even dares to eventually recast itself as Moby Dick (with Twin Peaks' Ray Wise playing Ahab to the bloodthirsty creature's Great White Whale). That said, and at the very least, Victor Salva's Jeepers Creepers movies now stand as the best horror series ever created by a convicted and reformed child molester. Also stars Jonathan Breck, Justin Long and Nicki Lynn Aycox. 1/2

LE DIVORCE (PG-13) Kate Hudson and Naomi Watts play modern Americans in Paris, dealing with everything from errant husbands and fickle lovers to contested inheritances. A small army of remarkable players flits through the film (Leslie Caron, Stockard Channing, Stephen Fry and Bebe Neuwirth among them), and the movie places some of its choicest lines in their mouths. None of it's meant to be taken that seriously, but, enjoyable as it is watching the movie's bits and pieces unfold, things get considerably less delightful once those pieces tumble into place. Also stars Glenn Close. 1/2

LUCIA, LUCIA (R) The titular Lucia is played by Cecila Roth from All About My Mother and other Almodovar films, and, indeed, this Mexican import sometimes comes off like an overly polite take on early Almodovar. Roth's character has issues, as they say, and the film seems to be about her midlife crisis and personal awakening, although it's also about a very convoluted scheme to kidnap her husband. Oh, and did we mention the subplots with the handsome young hunk, the obligatory, eccentric parents or the cute little dog? Nothing really hangs together, so there's never a clear sense of where the movie's headed, although a few of the individual elements do offer some nice, unexpected fun here and there. Also stars Kuno Becker and Carlos Alvarez-Novoa. 1/2

THE MAGDALENE SISTERS (R) Although it might have been a lot more fun if they'd played material this lurid for laughs, The Magdalene Sisters is a fairly effective bit of agitprop about corrupt and sadistic priests and nuns running an institution for "fallen girls" in Ireland. The "fallen" are mostly youngsters dumped by their parents for becoming pregnant — although one unfortunate lass finds herself imprisoned simply for having the bad luck of being too attractive (and tempting) — and the nun overseers all fairly drool with glee at the prospect of making the girls even more miserable. Director Peter Mullan, also an actor himself, coaches some wonderful performances from many of his stars, although the drumbeat of his litany regarding Catholic institutional cruelty is nothing if not heavy-handed. Stars Geraldine McEwan, Anne-Marie Duff, Dorothy Duffy and Nora-Jane Noone.

MARCI X (R) A subtle, biting satire about the appropriation of black culture in American society? Not quite. Poorly acted and full of offensive jokes, Marci X might actually be the worst movie I've ever seen. Lisa Kudrow stars as a young Jewish socialite who's forced to take over her father's hip-hop label for two weeks. Non-hilarity ensues. Damon Wayans is particularly painful as the world's most famous gangsta rapper, a role he plays for some reason like a Michael Jackson impersonation. The one saving grace of the film: Christine Baranski (Chicago, How the Grinch Stole Christmas) as a right-wing senator. —Laurie Stark

MASKED AND ANONYMOUS (PG-13) Bob Dylan's first big screen opus in a zillion years has accumulated more bad buzz than From Justin to Kelly, and with good reason. Masked and Anonymous really is a pretty awful mess, albeit an epic and, on rare occasion, a fascinating one. The Big D stars as Jack Fate, a burned-out, over-the-hill singer recruited by a promoter called Uncle Sweetheart (John Goodman) to participate in a rally in some war-torn, unnamed country that may or may not be America (or is it Amerika?). There's some compelling music in the film (including a half-dozen performances by Dylan himself), but the film itself is even more stilted, self-indulgent and incomprehensible than Dylan's 1978 Renaldo and Clara. The muddled concept here falls halfway between failed political satire and half-baked musing on the nature of celebrity, and it's all conveyed through dialogue delivered almost exclusively in the form of insufferably pretentious and cryptic speechmaking. Cameos from the likes of Mickey Rourke, Val Kilmer and Bruce Dern are interesting, but seem flown in from other movies (or other planets). As for Dylan himself, he appears so painfully uncomfortable and self-conscious as he shuffles through the film, it feels like the decent thing to do would be to simply look away. Also stars Jeff Bridges, Jessica Lange and Luke Wilson. Opens Sept. 26 at Tampa Theatre. Call theater to confirm.

MATCHSTICK MEN (PG-13) Nicolas Cage plays a con man in Ridley Scott's breezy, bouncy new film, but the movie's less about the art or mechanics of the con, and all about what lies behind it: suspension of disbelief. Cage turns in an extremely amusing performance as Roy Waller, a hopelessly neurotic bundle of ticks who tries to will himself into becoming a different person when his long-lost daughter turns up at his doorstep. Matchstick Men avoids most of the gooey parent-child bonding stuff, and proceeds directly to the dark, juicy comedic bits, all driven by character and fueled by a swingin' soundtrack dominated by Sinatra and a host of other lounge lizard faves. It's all quite a bit of fun, although there's not much actual heisting in the movie until the final moments, at which time the film clobbers us with a convoluted switcheroo that's just too audacious not to love. Also stars Sam Rockwell, Alison Lohman and Bruce Altman. 1/2

THE MEDALLION (PG-13) This season's Jackie Chan picture finds the aging martial arts virtuoso trapped in a disaster of a Hong Kong film. Chan plays a HK police officer who teams with Interpol agents Lee Evans and Claire Forlani to protect a child, who possesses a magical/mystical medallion, from a megalomaniacal ne'er-do-well (Julian Sands). The heavily edited and manipulated action scenes can't redeem Evans' lame Jerry-Lewis-meets-French-Stewart slapstick or Chan and Forlani's romantic hamming. For Chan fans only. —Andrew Stewart

MONDAYS IN THE SUN (NR) Javier Bardem virtually disappears into his role as one of a group of balding, bearded, middle-aged men who haunt the unemployment lines in a Spanish port city. The film does an exquisite job putting us inside the skins of these beautiful, quietly desperate losers as they pass the time drinking in bars, talking about soccer and politics, making stupid mistakes and dreaming of something better. For all the obvious injustices with which the film concerns itself, the tone here is one not of anger, but of compassion and bittersweet hopefulness. This little gem is Spain's official Academy Award nomination for last year's Best Foreign Language film, and the winner of five well-deserved Goyas (Spain's equivalent to the Oscar).

NORTHFORK (PG-13) Ostensibly the story of a small Montana town about to be flooded by a new hydroelectric dam, this aggressively odd film by twin brothers Mark and Michael Polish feels more like an extended dream sequence. Wildly enigmatic images and sequences abound, filling the film with one-of-a-kind moments of astonishing visual and thematic richness. On the down side, more than a few of these moments become more than a bit pretentious or just plain silly, so that, from time to time, Northfork plays like an unintentional spoof of a bad art film. If Northfork occasionally falls hard on its face, it's only because it aims higher than any movie released so far this year. Stars James Woods, Nick Nolte and Daryl Hannah.

ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO (R) Robert Rodriguez's follow-up to El Mariachi and Desperado isn't as effortlessly enjoyable as either of those movies, but it's an infinitely more ambitious effort. Once Upon a Time in Mexico is a fascinating but not entirely successful mix of comic book shoot-em-up, spaghetti western, historical epic and dreamy, druggy meditation on all of the above. Johnny Depp is magnificent (again) as the film's center — a gonzo Zen CIA agent — and Antonio Banderas is suitably iconic as the nearly silent, world-weary gunslinger. Salma Hayek is here too, although just barely: she only shows up in a series of flashback/fantasy sequences that add to the movie's confused, elliptical feel. The movie is hopelessly convoluted, playing better as a string of loosely connected individual bits than as a cohesive story — but some of those scattered moments are as brilliant as anything Rodriguez has given us. Also stars Willem Dafoe, Mickey Rourke and Eva Mendes. 1/2

OPEN RANGE (R) Kevin Costner (who also directed and co-produced) plays a conflicted cattle driver pitted against a greedy land baron. A sleepy opening and sometimes tedious pacing make the first hour drag, but Robert Duvall's fine performance as a fatherly cowpoke keeps things moving along until the explosive final gun battle, which is worth the wait. —Tray Butler

THE ORDER (R) This religious thriller is a far cry from the classic horror of The Exorcist. Heath Ledger stars as Alex, a young, rebellious priest who goes to Rome in search of answers when his mentor, Father Dominic, dies. Wacked-out characters and a confusing plot leave viewers scratching their heads: Alex, fellow priest Thomas (Mark Addy) and buddy Mara (Shannyn Sossamon) discover that a "Sin Eater" is responsible for Dominic's death. The movie takes a predictable turn when Alex renounces his vows to the priesthood and accepts his fate of becoming the next "Sin Eater." Although Ledger isn't believable in his role as a priest, he is the saving grace of the film. —Emily Anderson

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN (PG-13) The story here isn't much more than you'd expect from a theme park ride turned big screen blockbuster, but so what? The real reason to see Pirates of the Caribbean is Johnny Depp, who's a total gas-gas-gas as the Keith Richards-inspired rock "n' roll pirate Jack Sparrow. Geoffrey Rush is no slouch either as the scenery-chewing leader of a pack of zombie pirates straight out of an old Scooby Doo cartoon. The rest of the movie basically amounts to a skillful and modestly engaging blend of battle scenes and comedy (with just a sprinkling of romance and horror thrown in), all given a nice spit-and-polish thanks to director Gore Verbinski's usual high production values. Also stars Keira Knightley. 1/2

RESPIRO (R) The film is set on a little island off the coast of Sicily, and focuses on the manic-depressive mother of a family of fishermen (Valeria Golino, Charlie Sheen's main squeeze from Hot Shots). The film's melodramatic tendencies sometimes feel forced, and there's a quasi-mystical final act that seems to come out of nowhere, but, for all its flaws, Respiro remains a lovely little film. The movie is particularly good at capturing the daily rhythms of life in its small, fishing community, and the naturalistic feel is underscored by unaffected performances from a cast peppered with nonprofessionals. Also stars Vincenzo Amato. 1/2

THE RUNDOWN (PG-13) A mission to rescue a wacky rich kid plops a "retrieval expert" (celebrity beefcake The Rock) in the middle of a mess involving a jungle dictator (Christopher Walken), a nefarious master plan, a bunch of sex-crazed monkeys and a very hot local (Rosario Dawson). Also stars Sean William Scott. Opens Sept 26 at local theaters. (Not Reviewed)

SEABISCUIT (PG-13) Seabiscuit chronicles the over achieving stallion that captured America's fancy during the height of the Great Depression. This sentimental drama focuses on the three diverse people in Seabiscuit's life, who team up to conquer long odds. Fire-blooded jockey Red Pollard (Tobey Maguire), eccentric trainer Tom Smith (Chris Cooper) and nice-guy owner Charles Howard (Jeff Bridges) work together to take the horse all the way to the top. The film's relatable characters and attention-grabbing race scenes prove that a historical sports drama can gallop ahead of other summer blockbusters. 1/2—Chris Berger

SECOND HAND LIONS (PG) Haley Joel Osment (The Sixth Sense) plays an introverted youngster who begins to come out of his shell when he spends the summer with a pair of cranky, crazy old uncles (Michael Caine and Robert Duvall). Also stars Kyra Sedgwick. (Not Reviewed)

THE SECRET LIVES OF DENTISTS (PG-13) Hope Davis and Campbell Scott play Dave and Dana Hurst, a pair of practicing dentists enjoying a happy but unexciting marriage to each other. And when dentist Dave thinks he spies Dana sharing an intimate moment with a male admirer, everything really starts going to hell. Charitably speaking, Alan Rudolph's movie seems to want to be some sort of savage critique of life lived according to the status quo, but the film ultimately plays it too safe, content to hint at everything while revealing next to nothing. The movie seems to run out of steam and eventually becomes a little annoying in its refusal (or inability) to illuminate any of those hidden spaces suggested by its title. Also stars Robin Tunney. 1/2

S.W.A.T. (PG-13) Cheerfully superficial rock 'em sock 'em action with Colin Farrell, Samuel L. Jackson and a host of significantly lesser luminaries playing a squad of elite cops keeping the streets of L.A. safe from all manner of armed and dangerous scum. Jackson's presence and Farrell's quietly magnetic performance give a touch (a very faint touch) of class to the project, but the movie's priorities clearly lie in pure adrenaline and gleefully embraced cliches. Stray moments of semi-sensitive, character-driven plot and dialogue are periodically thrown in to convince us there's an actual story in here somewhere. However, most of the time you're just quickly consumed by massive amounts of sound and fury. Also stars LL Cool J, Michelle Rodriguez and Josh Charles. 1/2

SWIMMING POOL (R) For his first English language movie, Francois Ozon reunites with his Under the Sand star Charlotte Rampling, who plays a stuffy writer bent out of shape when a slutty little nymphet (Ludivine Sagnier) shows up at her doorstep. As in all Ozon films, the characters we're offered are ultimately slippery ones, and their real story, as well as that of the movie itself, exists somewhere below the surface. Swimming Pool is a witty, hypnotic, and occasionally mystical experience, but one that's often simply too cryptic for its own good. How much of what we see on screen is "real" and how much is a figment of the various characters' imaginations is finally a riddle for us to ponder. Also stars Charles Dance.

THIRTEEN (R) Teenage angst, alienation and ennui are at ground zero in Thirteen, a movie about a nice young girl (Evan Rachel Wood) who hooks up with an infinitely hipper and wilder classmate (Nikki Reed) and then finds her life spiraling out of control. The nice girl is introduced to the joys of shopping and shoplifting (although not necessarily in that order) followed, in short order, by a crash course in the joys of random and copious sex, drugs and body piercing. Perhaps the scariest thing about the movie is that there are real-life, responsible adult parents present, and all their best-laid plans don't do a thing to alter the tragic course of events. Unfortunately, we've seen most of this youth-in-crisis stuff before, and the script in Thirteen conveniently explains too much of it away. Everyone's troubles can ultimately be traced to a fear of rejection, anger over an absent parent, or some other oversimplified source. Director Catherine Hardwicke's camera darts around incessantly, as if desperately trying to communicate authenticity and energy but, finally, just becoming annoying. Although there are moments of real conviction here, ultimately, Thirteen is only partially convincing. Stars Evan Rachel Wood, Nikki Reed and Holly Hunter. Held over at Channelside Cinemas. Call to confirm.

UNDER THE TUSCAN SUN (PG-13) Frances Mayes' captivating little how-to book about restoring an old farmhouse in Tuscany comes to the big screen with reports of some very bizarre revisions, not the least of which is said to be a major dose of bodice-ripping romance. Stars Diane Lane and Sandra Oh. Opens Sept. 26 at local theaters. (Not Reviewed)

UNDERWORLD (R) This obsessively chic and pathetically shallow multi-zillion dollar FX epic turns out to be infinitely more boring than even the most run-of-the-mill horror cheapie. The story is simple but framed in such a gratuitously showy way as to make it nearly incoherent — it's basically Romeo and Juliet "updated" in the form of two star-crossed members of warring vampire and werewolf clans. The movie's style is omnipresent and overbearing, a mishmash of shamelessly lifted bits from The Matrix (full-length leather and two-fisted firepower for all), Blade Runner (the eternal nocturnal drizzle) and Blade (many of the vampire effects). Underworld really isn't even stylish so much as it is hopelessly mannered, almost mummified, with the frequent bursts of extended, headache-producing shootouts and so-so special effects sequences the only things keeping us awake. Underworld is like an idiot who has too little sense to realize he's an idiot, uses words he doesn't understand and makes messes wherever he goes. It's alternately turgid, pretentious, annoying, and not nearly as entertaining as a halfway decent episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Stars Kate Beckinsale and Scott Speedman.

— Reviewed entries by Lance Goldenberg unless otherwise noted.

This article appears in Sep 25 – Oct 1, 2003.