Outtakes

RECENT RELEASES:

THE AMITYVILLE HORROR (R) A remake of the much-loved but not very good haunted house flick from 1979, this new Amityville hails from the team responsible for the recent revisiting of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, which undoubtedly accounts for the copious amounts of gore, grisly sadism and generally messed-up atmosphere. The remake begins with creepy noises and quickly escalates into squabbles and open rifts between the various family members inhabiting a malignant house that's clearly seeking to possess and destroy them. Shortly thereafter, Amityville '05 tips its hand and then peaks way too early – less than half an hour in, the house is dripping blood all over the place and ghostly, ghoulish visions are leering over every shoulder – all but deflating the movie's more subtle, psychological side, particularly its Shining-lite proposition that true horror is what lurks beneath the surface of the All-American Happy Family. 1/2

THE BALLAD OF JACK AND ROSE (R) Daniel Day-Lewis was coaxed out of semi-retirement to act in this new project by his director-wife Rebecca Miller (Personal Velocity), making it all the more disappointing that the film turns out to be not particularly good. Basically shapeless and heavy-handed at all the wrong moments, The Ballad of Jack and Rose is about, among other things, the fading dreams and perhaps too-intimate relationship of a terminally ill, hippie-dippie dad and his precocious, nearly-grown daughter. Day-Lewis plays the dad, Jack, a chain-smoking environmentalist living in something approaching total isolation with his beautiful, budding daughter, Rose (Camilla Belle). It all feels rather airless; the characters' "lively" quirks are supposed to keep us engaged, but even the good performances here can't disguise the rambling self-consciousness of what amounts to a seriously flawed script. The film opens up, briefly, when Jack brings a woman into the house to act as a surrogate wife-mother (a pair of teenaged boys are attached, providing some amusing interactions), but Day-Lewis' central character remains too vaguely drawn and unsympathetic, and the movie's core father-daughter dynamic is a mess. Things only get worse as Jack gets sicker, and the movie becomes simultaneously sappier and more scattered. Also stars Catherine Keener and Jena Malone.

CITIZEN VERDICT (NR) Reality TV and the American legal system are the primary targets in this bungled project, set in Tampa but shot mostly in South Africa and Canada, from South Florida filmmaker Phillippe Martinez. Jerry Springer references himself, playing a sensationalistic TV personality who hooks up with a tough-on-crime Florida governor (a sleepwalking Roy Scheider) to produce a new show where viewers put someone on trial, vote on the verdict, and then get to witness a pay-per-view execution. Citizen Verdict's themes are undeniably important but they've all been tackled many times before, usually with significantly more skill and imagination – and even if the movie's attempts at satire weren't so over-obvious and out of date they'd still be watered-down to the point of no return. Ill-considered scenes designed to assure us of the movie's patriotism pop up every so often for no apparent reason other than to atone for the film's periodic jabs at America's bad habits. It's hard to say whether Citizen Verdict lacks the courage of its convictions or if it simply lacks vision, but the movie seems to be working overtime to please all the people all the time, and, as is usually the case with something so transparently desperate, fails. The clumsy editing, mediocre performances and erratic pacing don't help either (the film veers haphazardly from satire to melodrama via glimpses into the cliché-ridden personal lives of its characters), and the numerous shots of South Africa unconvincingly standing in for Tampa don't exactly add much local color. Also stars Armand Assante and Justine Mitchell.

CRASH (R) In a nutshell, Crash is a sort of A-Z guide to racial tensions in modern America, and about how even the best of us sometimes use those tensions to drive ourselves and each other crazy. The movie takes the form of an Altman-esque ensemble piece a la Short Cuts, with writer-director Paul Haggis (screenwriter of Million Dollar Baby) introducing some dozen characters of various ethnic backgrounds, and then elaborately interweaving their lives over a brief period of time. Haggis constantly complicates the playing field, exposing ethical dilemmas, supplying extenuating circumstances that effectively alter what just a scene or two ago appeared to be the rules of the game. The movie is all about tensions between black and white, certainly, but the shifting context in Crash leaves no doubt that what we're really dealing with is mostly shades of gray. Ultimately, everything is laid out in a manner that's just a bit too symmetrical, with all of the stories neatly counter-balanced and with the narrative-advancing coincidences piling up so thick and fast it's nearly overwhelming. Still, it's hard to complain too loudly about a filmmaker trying to do too much for once as opposed to too little. Stars Don Cheadle, Ryan Phillippe, Terrence Howard, Matt Dillon, Sandra Bullock, Jennifer Esposito, Larenz Tate, Thandie Newton, Chris "Ludacris" Bridges and Brendan Fraser. 1/2

ENRON: THE SMARTEST GUYS IN THE ROOM (NR) Director Alex Gibney's documentary about the rise and fall of the infamous corporate juggernaut is based on a book by Fortune Magazine reporters Bethany McLean and Peter Elkind. It opens with a reenactment of Enron exec Cliff Baxter's suicide, then travels back in time to describe chairman Kenneth lay's humble beginnings and eventual ascent in the corporate world; the financial malfeasance evident as far back as 1987; and the "aggressive accounting" philosophy that took hold of the company with the arrival of CEO Jeff Skilling. (Not Reviewed) Currently playing at Tampa Theatre in downtown Tampa. Call to confirm.

FEAR AND TREMBLING (NR) It's not just the Lost in Translation fan club who'll be taken with this delightfully droll account of a Westerner on the other side of the looking glass in Japan. Sylvie Testud is marvelous as Amelie, a Belgian woman whose nostalgia for a brief childhood stint in Japan prompts her to leave Europe and secure a translator's job at a big Japanese corporation. Positioned at the very bottom of a long and elaborate chain of command, Amelie soon finds herself thrown into a state of perpetual confusion and humiliated at every turn by her various superiors, often for the apparent sin of doing too good a job. Burdened with ever more maddening or mundane tasks, Testud's character takes the very Japanese tack of saving face and refusing to resign, while taking the very un-Japanese tack of sticking around the office after hours and prancing about on her bosses' desks stark naked. Based on an autobiographical novel by Amelie Northomb, Fear and Trembling has a ball skewering the rigidly codified and (to us) incredibly bizarre hierarchies of the Japanese workplace. The film is most engaging when it's observing the oddities of Japan's corporate arena as conscience-less food chain, but there are glimpses of compassion here too that keep the film from becoming anything less than three-dimensional. Also stars Kaori Tsuji, Taro Suwa and Bison Katayama. 1/2

FEVER PITCH (PG-13) Without looking at the credits of Fever Pitch, you'd probably never know this was directed by gross-out kings Bobby and Peter Farrelly (There's Something about Mary, Kingpin, et al). There are a handful of gags involving Farrellian fave topics like vomit and testicles, but this is otherwise a surprisingly conventional and sweet-natured romantic comedy, all but devoid of the shock tactics, low humor and high concepts of most of the brothers' output. Former SNL funnyman Jimmy Fallon stars as a mild-mannered Boston schoolteacher, whose seasonal transformation into a rabid Red Sox fan threatens his budding relationship with a pretty young professional (Drew Barrymore). It's all fairly predictable stuff but it goes down fairly easy, thanks largely to some brisk direction by the Farrellys, who imbue the proceedings with their typical respect for working class authenticity and pepper the script with just enough clever dialogue and amusing jokes. The main problem here is Fallon, who's far better than he was in Taxi but still looks like someone who simply can't carry a movie. Fallon is both funny and likeable in Fever Pitch, but with such a limited emotional range and so lacking in depth that it's hard to believe anything we watch him going through. Also stars Jason Spevack, Jack Kehler and Ione Skye. 1/2

FRANK MILLER'S SIN CITY (R) Maybe the most extravagantly brutal live-action cartoon ever made, Robert Rodriguez's new movie boasts a ravishing look, an all-consuming attitude, and, most of all, a devotion to excess. This is the sort of movie where even the good guys are bad, where characters are shot dozens of times before they finally die, and where faces are beaten to a bloody pulp, all captured in loving close-up as if to demonstrate the true meaning of pulp fiction. Rodriguez is officially the director here (with pal Quentin Tarantino listed as "guest director"), but, as the movie's full title more than implies, this is Frank Miller's show all the way. Miller is the designer and guiding light of the graphic novels on which Sin City is based, and virtually every frame of the film is a stunning ode to the monochromatic artistic sensibility that permeates Miller's work. For all but the most insatiable gorehound, Sin City inevitably begs the question of why watching something so purely nasty should be so much fun, but with designer sensationalism this tasty, this fit-to-bursting with energy and imagination, it's nearly impossible to Just Say No. Sin City won't open up the doors of perception, but it takes no prisoners, generates one of the wildest rides in recent memory, and it doesn't apologize for anything. Stars Bruce Willis, Mickey Rourke, Clive Owen, Benicio Del Toro and Rosario Dawson.

THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY (PG) The long-awaited film adaptation of Douglas Adams' cult-beloved sci-fi absurdity finally hits the big screen, with mostly entertaining results – so long as the viewer doesn't expect the full impact of the late author's dry, engaging and definitively British prose. We do get plenty of it, in voiceover form, and both Stephen Fry's narration and the oddly Art Deco visual rendering of the Guide itself are highlights, but the movie's refusal to commit to any certain feel hampers that immediate connection so easily inspired by the original work. Martin Freeman (from BBC's The Office) plays Arthur Dent, the hapless English everyman yanked off of Earth by a friend who's more than he seems (Mos Def) seconds before the planet is destroyed to make room for an interstellar highway. Dent and friend shortly end up on a runaway starship piloted by the idiotic President of the Galaxy (the always watchable Sam Rockwell) and Dent's Girl Who Got Away (Zooey Deschanel); along with Marvin the Paranoid Android, the motley crew endures sidetracks and setbacks on its quest for The Answer to Everything. Director Garth Jennings plays it fast and lavish, mixing Gilliam-esque live-action puppetry and cutting-edge CGI. Freeman and Deschanel both bring warmth to somewhat underdeveloped roles, and Rockwell plays the over-the-top Zaphod Beeblebrox with deceptive ease (and a drawl that occasionally parodies that of America's current Commander in Chief). It's Mos Def, however, who steals every scene in which the characters actually matter – his perfectly human Ford Prefect never under- or overdoes it. Overall, Hitchhiker's Guide is an entertaining ride, but one that's kneecapped a bit by its attempt to cover every base between edgy satire and family fun. Also stars John Malkovich and the voice of Alan Rickman.

HOUSE OF WAX (R) If you're expecting anything remotely like a remake of the 1953 Vincent Price film by the same title, forget it. Other than boasting a deranged sculptor as one of its characters (here lovingly renamed Vincent), this House of Wax bears virtually no resemblance to the quaint little 3D thriller for which it's named. Instead, what we have here is one of those ultra-aggressive, modern-day descendants of the slasher movie and the Texas Chainsaw school, in which attractive-but-none-too-bright kids venture into some area where they have no business being and find themselves summarily sliced and diced by sadistic mutant rednecks. There are lots of creepy mannequins on display, the one big holdover from the original House of Wax, but the movie mostly eschews atmosphere in order to do what's expected of it. Half of the film is devoted to young girls wandering around in tight T-shirts and putting themselves and their studmuffin boyfriends in jeopardy, while the other half (well, maybe not a full half, but it feels like it) is comprised of extremely freakish and brutal sequences of torture and death. To the movie's credit, it does what it does pretty well, and some of its imagery is genuinely disturbing in a borderline surreal way, but the real reason to buy a ticket is for the sheer weirdness factor of watching Paris Hilton's "performance." Also stars Elisha Cuthbert, Chad Michael Murray, Brian Van Holt and Jared Padalecki.

THE INTERPRETER (PG-13) Glossy production, political relevancy and an A-List of names behind and in front of the cameras can't save director Sydney Pollack's The Interpreter, a suspense thriller with very little suspense and even fewer thrills. Nicole Kidman stars as a U.N. translator who accidentally overhears a plot to assassinate an African dictator and then finds herself locking horns with and (you guessed it) eventually drawn to the secret service agent (Sean Penn) handling the case. At root, the plot is simple – a race against time to stop foreign terrorists from making a spectacular kill on American soil – but the movie is so concerned with making us think it's smarter than it is that it endlessly and needlessly complicates itself with Maguffins involving the various competing (and imaginary) African factions who may or may not be part of the conspiracy. Nothing too terribly interesting results from any of this, and the movie's topical touchstones, such as global terrorism and ethnic cleansing, aren't explored so much as they're used as texture and background scenery. (The film would probably have been far more compelling had Pollack dived right into the whole ideological morass of terrorism and jettisoned his movie's African orientation for a less PC but infinitely more applicable Islamist one.) There are some exciting individual sequences in The Interpreter but they don't hang together or add up, and the simmering but basically dull romance between Kidman's and Penn's characters is a cliché of the worst sort. It's hard to shake the feeling that the movie's script was pieced together from the suggestions of too many cooks, with the only unifying element being director Pollack's proudly liberal faith in the grand and glorious possibilities of the United Nations – a sensibility that's sure to go over big with megaplex audiences across America. Also stars Catherine Keener.

KICKING & SCREAMING (PG) Despite the title, this is a curiously listless comedy from wild man Will Ferrell. The former SNL player isn't given much room to stretch or improvise as the incompetent coach of a kids' soccer team, and there are even more wasted opportunities when Ferrell finds himself competing against the league's Ubercoach – his own bullying, alpha-male dad (Robert Duvall). There are a few amusing moments as Ferrell's character finds his inner sports jerk and transitions from mild-mannered to over-caffeinated and hyper-aggressive, but Kicking & Screaming is, for the most part, formulaic family fun, with an assembly-line feel to nearly every aspect of the project. Ferrell's team is a collection of obligatory "types" (the precocious one, the adorable little one with glasses, the big lunkhead, the one who eats worms), the physical comedy is remarkably unfunny, and director Jesse Dylan (son of Bob) shoots the action in a thoroughly uninspired way that makes even the most exciting soccer game look dull. Also stars Mike Ditka and Kate Walsh.

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN (R) Ridley Scott's two-and-a-half hour epic about the religious Crusades of the middle ages has armies marching every which way, of course, but the biggest army of all might be behind the scenes – the teams of advisors employed by a non-Muslim director to make sure no delicate Muslim toes were stepped on. The result is a rigorously even-handed epic about a subject over which, nearly a millennium later, passions still run dangerously high. The film treads so gingerly on its core conflict, in fact, that it feels very nearly drained of passion – perhaps the deadliest sin for a movie that is ostensibly about, above all else, passion. Kingdom of Heaven is too long by at least half an hour, its central figure (a blacksmith-turned-knight portrayed by Orlando Bloom) is curiously uncharismatic, and too much of its running time is taken up with speechmaking and pretty platitudes. Scott and screenwriter William Monahan divide up their Muslim and Christian characters into two camps – men of conscience and fanatics – and then place words in their mouths that offer thinly veiled but not particularly enlightening commentary on the current-day clash of civilizations. Also stars Jeremy Irons, Liam Neeson, Eva Green, David Thewlis, Ghassan Massoud and Brendan Gleeson. 1/2

KUNG FU HUSTLE (PG-13) Even though they share a lot of the same cultural baggage, Stephen Chow's Kung Fu Hustle is worlds apart from the highly poeticized elegance of something like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Silly, sloppy, sometimes gleefully crude, Chow's movie is a hoot, pure and simple, a goofy throwback to the glory days of Hong Kong's Shaw Brothers studio, sort of like Kill Bill minus all the blood and attitude. Think of it as an old-school martial-arts action-comedy melding classic Jackie Chan with the concentrated surrealism of a Roadrunner cartoon. Kung Fu Hustle sends up the whole martial arts genre even as it proves immensely satisfying as the very thing it spoofs – a kick-ass kung-fu flick. The plot, which constantly winks at its own silliness, revolves around a colorfully seedy neighborhood called Pig Sty Alley, whose residents attempt to fend off various super-assassins sent out by a gang of thugs they've managed to offend. There's not much more to it than that, but it's enough – more than enough, actually. Kung Fu Hustle essentially becomes a series of increasingly outrageous battles, mostly played as hyper-exaggerated physical comedy, and with each "ultimate" encounter one-upping the one that's come before. The movie's humor is an unapologetically broad mix of slapstick and low-brow wackiness: exposed butt cracks and bugged-out eyeballs are the order of the day, and politically incorrect stereotypes run rampant (an effeminate gay character is particularly trying of our patience). Still, there's a lot of pleasure to be had here, at least for anyone willing to suspend disbelief and get in touch with their inner Three Stooges fan. Also stars Lam Tze Chung, Yuen Qui, Leung Siu Lung and Huang Sheng Yi. 1/2

MILLIONS (PG) Millions is a fairy tale and proud of it, a sweet, heartfelt story of children navigating the adult world, and of the perils and pleasures of lost and found treasure. Our heroes are 7-year-old Damian (Alexander Etel) and his slightly older brother Anthony (Lewis McGibbon), two Liverpool lads who, the week before the UK's conversion to the Euro, find a bag of soon-to-be-worthless English pound notes that must be spent in a very short period of time. Director Danny Boyle (Trainspotting) finds both humor and emotional resonance in the boys' mostly bungled attempts to satisfy their materialist fantasies, even as they're unable to resist throwing pizza parties for the homeless or stuffing wads of cash through the mail slots of neighbors. And then, of course, there's the shifty-eyed creep with his own claim to the money, an ominous Big Bad Wolf who comes calling at the most inopportune times, turning the kids' dreams to nightmares and the movie, briefly, into a retooled Night of the Hunter. Despite some artsy flourishes, Millions never seems like it's condescending to its own simple, storybook logic, and the movie almost always connects on the most basic levels. It's all good fun and, by the final act, the mad rush to spend the money takes on a life of its own, as Boyle and Boyce throw in an emotional catharsis for the movie's wee-est player and a bona fide miracle or two. Also stars James Nesbitt, Daisy Donovan and Christopher Fulford. 1/2

MINDHUNTERS (R) Originally scheduled to open way back in January 2004, then postponed to last summer, and then finally dumped in the summer of 2005, all the signs should have alerted us that something truly rotten was afoot here. Fading stars Christian Slater and LL Cool J are among a team of FBI agents participating in a simulation exercise gone horribly wrong when one of the team members turns out to be a serial killer. The movie is basically a dumbed-down and amped-up variation on that old mystery-story schematic where a murder is committed in a locked room and we have to figure out which of the guests is the killer. The, uh, innovation here is that few clues are supplied and all of the suspects are simply knocked off (in gruesome fashion) one by one, virtually eliminating any possibility of the guesswork that might have generated some suspense or fun. Mindhunters lurches on, sloppily written and not particularly scary (except for that shot of Christian Slater's ass), finally resorting to flinging red herring after red herring at us and winding up with the biggest letdown since someone first heard that the butler did it. Also stars Val Kilmer, Jonny Lee Miller, Will Kemp and Kathryn Morris. 1/2

MONSTER-IN-LAW (PG-13) Monster-in-Law is the next generation of Meet the Parents/My Best Friend's Wedding-genre movies, drawing on both crude and cute humor. Jennifer Lopez stars as Charlotte Cantilini, an artist who, while working to further her career, meets the love of her life in the form of a handsome, charming doctor, Kevin (Michael Vartan of Alias fame). Unfortunately, he also happens to be the son of Viola Fields, a Barbara Walters-esque television interviewer played by Jane Fonda. Of course, no one is good enough for her baby, so the over-protective Fields devises a underhanded plan to botch her son's imminent nuptials. Fonda manages well enough with the younger cast, slipping into the role of a conniving and overbearing mother with ease. Lopez performs in her usual endearing, clumsy love-interest mode to moderately funny effect. The film also stars Wanda Sykes as Ms. Fields' personal assistant. After two television shows and a successful career in stand-up, Sykes has proven herself worthy of carrying an entire movie; Monster-in-Law has her holding together the less-humorous scenes between Lopez and Fonda, only appearing in frame long enough to deliver punchy one-liners. Also stars Will Arnett.

-Matthew Pleasant

NOBODY KNOWS (PG-13) Based on a true story that shocked Japan in the late '80s, Nobody Knows offers a refreshingly unsentimental and unsensationalized account of four young brothers and sisters getting by more or less or their own. Twelve-year-old Akira (Yagira Yuya) is the man of the house, while a flaky, promiscuous mom flits in and out of the kids' lives, disappearing from the scene altogether by the film's mid-point. Abandoned and unschooled, both formally and in the ways of the world, the kids create their own insular community, and Nobody Knows takes place almost entirely within that private world of the children's apartment, with only occasional forays into the outside world. Director Kore-eda Hirokazu (After Life, Mabarosi) coaxes some amazingly rich and natural performances from his young, non-professional actors, adding to the documentary-like effect created by Yutaka Yamazaki's supple but never slick, handheld camerawork. Also stars Kitauru Ayu, Kimura Hiei, Shimizu Momoko and Japanese pop star You (yep, that's her name) as the mother.

SAHARA (PG-13) A bland, by-the-numbers action-adventure project mostly notable for being the directorial debut of someone named Breck Eisner, who just happens to be the son of former Disney CEO Michael Eisner. Sahara is based on one of Clive Cussler's Dirk Pitt books, with an artificially tanned and carefully rumpled Matthew McConaughey playing Pitt as a cocky, carefree Indiana Jones-lite. The plot is a mishmash that brings together a search for a lost civil war battleship, a deadly virus, corrupt Euro-industrialists and African warlords, with some faux-007 music slapped on the ostensibly suspenseful parts, and classic rock chestnuts by Lynyrd Skynyrd and Steppenwolf liberally and gratuitously applied elsewhere. On the upside, there's nothing too terribly awful or pretentious here, but everyone seems to be sleepwalking through their non-demanding roles, from Steve Zahn as the obligatory comic relief sidekick to Penelope Cruz as the love interest. You might just find yourself dosing off, too. Also stars William H. Macy. 1/2

UNLEASHED (R) This latest Jet Li vehicle stars the pint-sized martial artist as a mob enforcer who escapes the clutches of his evil employers and finds refuge with a kindly blind man (Morgan Freeman) and his sensitive teenaged daughter (Kerry Condon). This is a Jet Li movie, though, so don't expect those flying fists and feet to stay still for too long. Also stars Bob Hoskins. (Not Reviewed)

WALK ON WATER (NR) Although it's essentially what you'd call a cloak-and-dagger thriller, Walk on Water piles on so many disparate thematic elements that you can almost hear it groaning beneath the weight. But better too much than too little, I suppose, and there's a lot of bang for your buck here. This is the new film from Israeli director Eytan Fox, whose Yossi & Jagger became a staple at recent gay film festivals with its same-sex romance between two Israeli soldiers, and Walk on Water also dips its toes, briefly, into queer territory. Israeli superstar Lior Ashkenazi (Late Marriage) stars as a grieving secret service agent dealing with his wife's recent suicide, and assigned to root out a Nazi war criminal by becoming friendly with the man's adult grandchildren. The female grandchild becomes a bit of a romantic diversion, the male grandkid turns out to be gay and forces the macho Mossad to confront his homophobia, and other plot thickenings touch on Israeli-Palestinian animosity and German guilt vs. Jewish paranoia regarding the Holocaust. Director Fox juggles all of these elements and, against all odds, keeps them aloft much of the time, although we can frequently feel the film straining to do so. Ashkenazi is compelling in the lead role, but suffers somewhat when he's speaking English (the film is in Hebrew, German and English), as do the other actors when navigating dialogue not in their native language. Also stars Knut Berger and Caroline Peters.

XXX: STATE OF THE UNION (PG-13) Xander Cage, the token badass from 2002's XXX (played by Vin Diesel), has been mysteriously killed in action – or perhaps he was just too busy pursuing a family-friendly image with Disney. Either way, NSA agent Augustus Gibbons (Samuel L. Jackson) has already managed to find Darius Stone (Ice Cube) to fill Xander's shoes. Just in time, too, because a right-wing nut job (Willem Dafoe in Green Goblin mode) is conspiring to kill the president! What follows is a garbled mess fraught with clumsy exposition, confusing editing, plot holes, absurd situations, bad rock/rap music and a remarkable disregard for proper U.S. presidential succession procedures. Even the action is surprisingly lackluster. Occasionally, the film manages brief flashes of wit, satirizing its obvious Bond origins to humorous effect; the cars are pretty cool, too. For the most part, however, the new XXX is just as tired, dumb and as predictable as the films it shamelessly rips off, without any of the charm. Also stars Xzibit and Nona M. Gaye. 1/2

-Zach Rosenfeld

Reviewed entries by Lance Goldenberg unless noted.

This article appears in May 18-24, 2005.