Outtakes

NEW THIS WEEK:

FESTIVAL EXPRESS (R) A lovely little time capsule permeated with peace, love and good musical vibes, with a smattering of righteous hippie politics thrown in for good measure. In 1970, various musicians like Janis Joplin, The Grateful Dead and The Band spent the better part of a week traveling aboard a train that transported them to a series of big rock festivals taking place across Canada. The festivals were noteworthy in and of themselves, but the real show took place on the train itself, a traveling party where the famous and talented could kick back, get happily stoned and jam. Festival Express is essentially a home movie of that party, and it offers a rare and very intimate look at some of classic rock's biggest icons. Needless to say there's also some pointless noodling going on here, but some of the stoned exchanges between the performers are absolutely priceless, and a couple of Joplin's performances are as good as we'll ever get. Also features Buddy Guy, Ian and Sylvia, The Flying Burrito Brothers and, briefly but painfully, Sha Na Na. Opens Sept. 3 at Sunrise Cinemas at Old Hyde Park. Call theater to confirm. 1/2

THE HUNTING OF THE PRESIDENT (NR) Based on the book of the same name, this documentary on the trials and tribulations of president Bill Clinton is about as agenda-free as Fahrenheit 9/11. The film guides us through all the various scandals of the Clinton years, acknowledging the ex-pres' sexual indiscretions but taking a firm stand that there was indeed a vast, right wing conspiracy stirring up most of this garbage in an attempt to bring the government down. The Hunting of the President is low on production values and heavy on the talking heads, with attempts at Moore-ishly hip humor that are both transparent and cheesy, but it still manages to make its case with much righteous indignation and sporadic flashes of eloquence. Narrated by Morgan Freeman. Opens Sept. 3 at Sunrise Cinemas at Old Hyde Park. Call to confirm.

PAPARRAZI (PG-13) After his wife and child are seriously injured from a car crash caused by pursuing paparrazi, a fed-up movie star (Cole Hauser) makes it his mission to put an end to the celebrity chasers' deadly overzealousness. Also stars Tom Sizemore, with reported cameos by Chris Rock, Matthew McConaughey, Mel Gibson and Vince Vaughn. Opens Sept. 3 at Seminole 8 Theaters. Call to confirm. (Not Reviewed)

VANITY FAIR (PG-13) If Asian auteur Ang Lee can do Jane Austin (Sense and Sensibility), then why shouldn't Indian director Mira Nair have a whack at Thackeray, joining the growing club of filmmakers from formerly colonized lands demonstrating cinematic mastery over their former masters? Nair doesn't fare nearly as well as Lee, however, in this adaptation of a massive tome of 19th century English literature. The director gets most of the notes right — the atmosphere feels authentic, the costumes are sumptuous and the constant focus on the importance of class is precisely handled — and yet the movie feels rushed and ultimately superficial, trying to cram way too much story into too little screen time. Reese Witherspoon is engaging enough as Rebecca Sharp, the plucky but low-born heroine who works her way up and down the ladder of 19th century English society, but she's an odd choice that displaces the movie's emotional center of gravity. As a button-cute but surprisingly capable fish-out-of-water doing her best to make alien elements her own, she's a little too close for comfort to Elle Woods in period drag, and the movie constantly threatens to follow suit as a Legally Blonde for an earlier century. Also stars Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, James Purfoy, Eileen Atkins and Gabriel Byrne. Opens Sept. 1 at local theaters. Call to confirm. 1/2

WE DON'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE (R) Marriage looks an awful lot like Hell in this brave, brittle, but terribly dour study of two intertwined, adulterous couples living in a small college town at the edge of the world. Terry (Laura Dern) is married to Jack (Mark Ruffalo), who's having a covert affair with Edith (Naomi Watts), who's trapped in a loveless marriage to Jack's best friend Hank (Peter Krause). In point of fact, everybody in the movie is trapped in one way or another, and the film's main fault is that it's so damned claustrophobic and melancholy, so relentless in its doomed investigation of a tissue of lies, that it simply becomes a big, black hole, sucking up all the light at the edges of its own story. The movie's opening sections swing from intimacy and sweetness to pure horror show (just like a real marriage) but, by the end, a certain sameness has set in so that it's hard to remember anything but the pain. The two male leads are watchable enough, in an anguished but emotionally unavailable way, but they're no match for the intense performances of their female co-stars — particularly Dern, who will certainly be remembered at Oscar time for her remarkable work here. Think of it as Bob & Ted & Carol & Alice without the laughs. Opens Sept. 3 at local theaters. Call to confirm.

WICKER PARK (PG-13) Investment banker Matthew (Josh Hartnett) falls madly in love with a woman who one day disappears without a trace. When he thinks he catches a glimpse of her a few years later, Matthew's obsessive search for his old flame threatens his career and, more importantly, a potential new life with his current fiancee. Directed by Paul McGuigan (The Reckoning). Also stars Matthew Lillard, Dianke Kruger, Rose Byrne and Jessica Pare. Opens Sept. 3 in local theaters. Call to confirm. (Not Reviewed)

ZATOICHI (R) Like Daredevil, Zatoichi is a blind guy whose other senses have been heightened to compensate for his lack of sight, resulting in extraordinary fighting skills. Daredevil isn't quite a pop icon, though, which is exactly what Zatoichi is in Japan — the hero of some 26 feature films (!) released from the early '60s to the late '80s, as well as a long-running TV show. That background information isn't crucial to appreciating this new take on the legendary Japanese hero from director Takeshi Kitano (Fireworks), a film that perfectly encapsulates the essence of the Zatoichi stories, but stands on its own just fine as well. Kitano also plays the title character, paying homage to the self-deprecating chuckle and bow-legged shuffle of original star Shintaro Katsu, while adding a few neat twists of his own. The samurai period trappings are unfamiliar turf for Kitano, but he navigates them with typical skill and wit, crafting a movie that is both exciting and stylish, with wonderfully charming bursts of humor where we least expect them. Also stars Tadanobu Asano and Michiyo Ogusu. Opens Sept. 3 at Tampa Theatre. Call to confirm.

RECENT RELEASES:

ALIEN VS. PREDATOR (R) Don't expect it to end with a kiss. The director is Paul W.S. Anderson, specialist in video game flicks like Mortal Kombat and Resident Evil, which is probably more than you need to know. (Not Reviewed)

ANACONDAS: HUNT FOR THE BLOOD ORCHID (PG-13) Big snakes. Really big snakes. Scared people. Really scared people. Any questions? Hollywood's summer of 2004 officially ends not with a bang, but with a whimper, as a scientific expedition in the jungles of Borneo encounter super-sized snakes in this sequel to 1997's best forgotten Anaconda. Is it fall yet? Stars Johnny Messner, Matthew Marsden, Morris Chestnut and Salli Richardson. (Not Reviewed)

BEFORE SUNSET (NR) Richard Linklater's wonderful sequel to his 1995 Before Sunrise is basically just two people talking to each other, presented in something very close to real-time. Before Sunrise was a film about a boy and a girl meeting and making a connection one night in a beautiful, faraway city. Celene (Julie Delpy) and Jesse (Ethan Hawke) were strangers on a train who came together for a one-night stand of conversation, confessions and romance, then parted ways with a vow to meet again six months hence. Before Sunset catches up with those same two people nine years later as they meet, more or less by chance, in a bookstore in Paris. What ensues is a veritable talkfest between two hyper-articulate individuals who have a lot to say to one another, as well as a walking tour of Paris in the fall (and it doesn't get much better than that). At Burns Court Cinema. Call theater to confirm.

THE BEST TWO YEARS (PG) There's a whole, booming sub-genre of religious movies out there produced by Mormon filmmakers and collectively known as LDS films (stands for Later Day Saints). You can put aside those preconceived notions about religious conviction equaling dull and preachy filmmaking, because The Best Two Years is, for the most part, unusually smart, funny and, occasionally, even self-mocking. Writer-director Scott S. Anderson, working from his own semi-autobiographical stage play, introduces us to a small group of young Mormon missionaries from America rooming together in a cramped apartment while fulfilling a mandatory service in Holland. Anderson supplies us with some surprisingly witty, fast-paced dialogue as well as characters who are considerably more believable and sympathetic than the stock types found in your average Hollywood offering. The movie does get a little too sincere for its own good towards the end, with an obligatory, tearful conversion or two thrown in for good measure, but what leads up to it is a surprisingly satisfying treat. Stars KC Clyde, Kirby Heyborne, David Nibley, Scott Christopher and Michael Flynn.

THE BOURNE SUPREMACY (PG-13) Matt Damon returns as the memory-challenged assassin from The Bourne Identity. The plot here is fairly standard stuff — Damon's character is framed, resulting in a movie-length series of chases in assorted cities around the world — but the material is directed by Paul Greengrass (Bloody Sunday) with frenetic energy and a taut precision that maximizes suspense. The film has loads of texture and almost no flab, not to mention some of the best chase scenes (specifically car chases) that you'll ever see on a movie screen. Also stars Joan Allen, Brian Cox and Julia Stiles. 1/2

COLLATERAL (R) Collateral — a minimalist thriller that is basically just two guys in a cab (hit man Tom Cruise and his driver/hostage Jamie Foxx) — feels every bit as shallow and constricted as the lame, screenwriting 101 gimmick of its setup. The movie is engaging enough on a purely visceral level, if you don't think at all about what you're watching, but it's full of gaping plot holes and ridiculous coincidences that even the typically stylish flourishes of director Michael Mann fail to flesh out. Foxx holds our interest as the unfortunate cabbie, but Cruise is barely believable as the cooler-than-cool, super-smart assassin (who also happens to make some of the world's dumbest mistakes). Also stars Mark Ruffalo and Jada Pinkett Smith. 1/2

DE-LOVELY (PG-13) This latest bio-pick on legendary American tunesmith Cole Porter reportedly focuses on the man's not-so-secret homosexuality (something that was strictly taboo in previous Porter pics) and takes a stylistic approach that sounds suspiciously like what Bob Fosse did in All That Jazz. A number of contemporary musicians are on hand too, including Elvis Costello, Sheryl Crow and Alanis Morissette, performing various Porter standards. Stars Kevin Kline, Ashley Judd and Jonathan Pryce. (Not Reviewed)

THE DOOR IN THE FLOOR (R) Bad timing and worse behavior abound in this adaptation of John Irving's A Widow for One Year. All of the film's characters are either unfinished or broken, beginning with a couple still coping with the deaths of their teenage sons, a tragedy that has turned the woman into a disconnected zombie and the man into a voracious, self-absorbed pleasure seeker. The movie details an emotional journey that doesn't appear to lead anywhere, a cracked, yawning chasm of a marriage complicated by the wife's oddly detached affair with her husband's earnest but naíve young assistant. The Door in the Floor doesn't necessarily make us feel good about what's happening on the screen or answer any burning questions about the lives of its characters, but that ambiguity is a large part of the reason the film manages to linger in our minds. Stars Jeff Bridges, Kim Basinger, Dakota Fanning, Jon Foster and Mimi Rogers. At Beach Theatre and Burns Court Cinema. Call theaters to confirm. 1/2

THE EXORCIST: THE BEGINNING (R) The early years of the demon-battlin' man of the cloth played by Max Von Sydow in the original Exorcist. Action director Renny Harlin was called in to reshoot this entire film when original director Paul Schrader's ideas reportedly proved a little too, uh, ambitious. Stars Stellan Skarsgard and James D'Arcy. (Not Reviewed)

FAHRENHEIT 9/11 (R) Michael Moore's new movie is indisputably important, but not so much as a film as a phenomenon. Moore wears his agenda on his sleeve, and most of the points he drums home are already familiar to most of us, regardless of what our politics may be. Still, it's more than a little unnerving to see all those points rattled off in rapid succession, and with such iron-willed eloquence. The movie is glib enough that we barely notice Moore talking out of both sides of his mouth (exactly what he accuses Bush of doing), and it might just be the most effective political advertisement of all time. Faults aside, Fahrenheit 9/11 deserves to be seen, pondered and carefully debated. 1/2

GARDEN STATE (R) A flawed but extremely promising debut from writer-director-star Zach Braff that blends darkly surreal comedy with some genuinely and oddly touching moments. Aspiring L.A. actor Andrew Largeman (Braff) — whose primary claim to fame is playing a retarded quarterback in a TV movie — returns to his New Jersey hometown for the funeral of his mother, only to find that life in the hinterlands is crazier than ever. Largeman spars with his strangely distant father, deals with his own confused emotions, reacquaints himself with his old, wildly eccentric friends, and falls in something resembling love with a beautiful local (Natalie Portman), most of which is handled in a manner as bizarre as it is funny. The dialogue is clever — sometimes a little too clever, perhaps, in a showy, self-satisfied way — but the film tempers its precociousness with a successful blend of the appealingly sweet and the just plain weird. The emotional core of Garden State remains intact throughout, even as the movie's narrative gleefully defies expectations by zipping all over the map. The perfectly chosen soundtrack of Nick Drake and others is another big plus. Also stars Peter Sarsgaard, Ian Holm and Ron Liebman. Held over at Sunrise Cinemas at Old Hyde Park. Call theater to confirm. 1/2

HAROLD AND KUMAR GO TO WHITE CASTLE (R) Director Danny Leiner's movie is a road trip of sorts that takes place during the course of one very strange night, in which stoner roommates Harold and Kumar (John Cho and Kal Penn) embark on a quest to stuff themselves with White Castle burgers. Everything goes wrong, of course, and the more wrong things go, the more right the movie becomes. Every detour is an opportunity for another surreal gag, the jokes pile up faster than in a Naked Gun flick, and the decidedly non-PC humor targets Asians, Jews, Blacks and gays with equal relish. Despite the obvious Bill and Ted/American Pie youth-market/gross-out connections, the movie is smarter than it has any right to be, but in a way that sneaks up on you when you're not even looking. Also stars Neil Patrick Harris, Paula Garces and Malin Akerman. 1/2

HERO (NR) In Zhang Yimou's eye-catching art-fu epic, virtually every shot is suitable for framing and every battle is poetry in motion. Hero is nothing if not a feast for the senses, a cross between a lavish historical epic, a dazzling martial arts extravaganza, and an astonishingly graceful ballet performed with swords, arrows and fists. The film unfolds in flashback, Kill Bill-style, as a nameless champion (Jet Li) details his battles with a series of super-assassins — although there's more than a little Rashomon here as well, with competing versions of the truth eventually calling the original narrative into question. By the end, the film's assorted stories-within-stories and convoluted conspiracies-within-conspiracies have us shaking our heads at the elusive nature of truth, a conundrum inevitably leading us to wonder which cause here is the just one and, for that matter, what it really means to be a hero. Where the movie really transcends black and white thinking, however, is in the visual department, and Hero features some of the most stunning images you'll ever see on a movie screen. Each of the major battles is specifically color-coded in a way that may be more decorative than meaningful, but is no less ravishing for it. This is a film full of lush, unexpected pleasures, and one that puts the art back in martial arts, big time. Also stars Tony Leung Chiu-Wai, Maggie Cheung, Zhang Ziyi and Donnie Yen.

A HOME AT THE END OF THE WORLD (R) Bobby (Colin Farrell) is a gentle, androgynous and thoroughly amorphous soul. He's basically a Ken doll with a bad Rick Derringer shag. For all the time we spend with him, we don't really learn much about Bobby other than he's an orphan, smokes a lot of pot, and responds to all the slings and arrows of the universe with a half-shrug and a big, utterly non-critical smile. A Home at the End of the World follows Farrell's wide-eyed character from small town kid to big city adult, with special attention paid to Bobby's friendships and on-and-off-again sexual dalliances with longtime pal Jonathan (Dallas Roberts) and multi-hued-haired comrade Claire (Robin Wright Penn). The relationship isn't quite a menage-a-trois, but the essence of what's going on seems to revolve around everybody being maybe a little too in love with Bobby. Scattered throughout the proceedings are ham-fisted signposts that are supposed to illuminate the characters and their emotions, but don't. Even the film's gay aspects feel more like a marketing hook than something genuinely felt or essential to the story. Also stars Sissy Spacek. Held over at Sunrise Cinemas and Burns Court in Sarasota. Call theaters to confirm.

I'LL SLEEP WHEN I'M DEAD (R) Director Mike Hodges, who wowed the world in 1971 with Get Carter, disappeared for about a zillion years and then returned to great critical acclaim in 2000 with Croupier, is back on familiar turf with I'll Sleep When I'm Dead. Hodges reunites with Croupier's sullen, soulful-eyed star Clive Owen, doing that old neo-noir gangster thang again in a foggy London town full of rain-slicked streets, bad men with guns and beautiful but ultimately deceitful people. The plot itself is maddeningly convoluted and ultimately maybe even a bit trivial, but the atmosphere is to die for and, in a film like this, style is everything. Also stars Jonathan Rhys-Meyers and Charlotte Rampling. 1/2

THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE (R) Although the villains here aren't necessarily the ones you'll expect, Jonathan Demme's remake offers a near-perfect transposition of the original film's Cold War paranoia to the contemporary paranoia of the Age of Terror. An extremely effective Denzel Washington takes on the Frank Sinatra role as a nightmare-ridden soldier who starts to doubt reality as he comes to smell conspiracy all around him, beginning with a vice-presidential candidate who may not be at all what he seems. Most of the political satire of John Frankenheimer's original film has been axed in favor of a creepy and steadily gripping atmosphere, but the film works fine that way. This new Manchurian Candidate is faithful to the spirit of the original while presenting itself as nothing less than a horror movie of the scariest sort — a political horror story. The ending is a bit disappointing and there are some unfortunate oversimplifications and clumsy exposition along the way, but the film is, for the most part, a grand entertainment. Also stars Liev Schreiber and Meryl Streep.

MARIA FULL OF GRACE (R) A tough, compelling film from Colombia about a desperate young woman who becomes a drug smuggler, only to find herself in even more desperate straits. The movie is remarkably restrained (even when dealing with the most garish elements) and executed in a finely detailed, no-frills manner that at times gives the film a power and authority rarely found outside of the best documentaries. Maria Full of Grace is not without its share of narrative cliches, but writer-director Joshua Marston strikes a balance by imbuing his film's mostly female characters with complex emotions and an unexpected mix of smarts and naivete that add to a sense of authenticity and urgency. Also stars Virginia Ariza and Yenny Paola Vega. 1/2

METALLICA: SOME KIND OF MONSTER (NR) As observed in this fascinating new documentary, seasoned headbangers Metallica find themselves caught between (forgive me, somebody has to say it) rock and a hard place, struggling to balance what's expected of them as celebrity musicians with what they need to survive as human beings. Over the course of three years, this epic, 140-minute doc focuses on the various band members as they air their beefs in therapy, fall apart, come together, and try to get a new record made. Directed by probably the best team working in documentary film today, Joe Berlinger and Bruce Sinofsky (Brothers Keeper, Paradise Lost), Some Kind of Monster is a far cry from your conventional rock documentary. The talented filmmakers don't gloss over their subjects' faults, but they use those faults as entry points into the characters' lives, using their very human natures to make them engaging and even appealing. Stars Lars Ulrich, James Hetfield, Kirk Hammett, Bob Rock and Jason Newsted. 1/2

NAPOLEON DYNAMITE (PG) Maybe the best movie ever about all-American high school geeks, and certainly one of the funniest, Napoleon Dynamite is about a slack-jawed loser with a tight red perm and almost no concept of how to live in the world. Mouth permanently agape, and eyes simultaneously squinty and glazed, Napoleon is barely a millimeter away from being a zombie — but then again, so are most everybody else in the movie. The film takes place in a bland little town in Idaho where time passes slowly, as do the thoughts and words of the inhabitants, and the movie depicts it all with sly humor and affection. Among its many other virtues, Napoleon Dynamite offers proof positive that Mormons really do have a sense of humor. Stars Jon Heder, Sandy Martin, Tina Majorino and Aaron Ruell.

OPEN WATER (NR) This ultra-low budget, seat-of-your-pants production strives for a documentary-like authenticity and a premise of Blair Witch-ish simplicity — a young couple left behind by their charter boat find themselves stranded in the middle of a shark-infested ocean — but Open Water isn't The Little Movie That Could that many are hoping for. Mostly, we just watch our heroes floating around complaining and bitching at each other, so that the movie frequently seems like a production of Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf in scuba gear. Chris Kentis, who shot, edited and directed Open Water, does his best to give the film an energy that belies its low budget, but the thrills here are ultimately as minimalist as the movie's premise, and the film sinks under its own lack of weight. Stars Blanchard Ryan and Daniel Travis. 1/2

OUTFOXED: RUPERT MURDOCH'S WAR ON JOURNALISM (NR) Robert Greenwald brings us this documentary on Murdoch-owned Fox News Channel, which touts itself as "fair and balanced." Greenwald aims to prove otherwise by offering interviews with former FCN employees (and inter-office memos they provided), as well as archive footage of everyone from George Bush to Bill O'Reilly to Ronald Reagan. Also features comments from Walter Cronkite and Al Franken, among others. Held over at Burns Court Cinemas. Call to confirm. (Not Reviewed)

RIDING GIANTS (NR) In Stacy Peralta's exhaustively researched and thoroughly romanticized documentary provides what is essentially a history lesson on virtually every aspect of surfing, beginning with its founding fathers. It's those old school guys who give the movie its personality, starting with legendary hot dogger Greg Noll, a flamboyant adventurer-entrepreneur whose raunchy eloquence is a constant pleasure throughout Riding Giants. Noll and his pals, a bunch of half-slacker, half-subversive merry pranksters who first popularized the sport in the '50s and '60s, get an awful lot of screen time here, and their stories are lively enough that we rarely find ourselves fidgeting at the over-abundance of talking heads on display. If there's a real flaw to Riding Giants, it's that the movie is too damned encyclopedic for its own good. Peralta provides such a comprehensive examination of the how's, when's and why's of the sport that he often forgets it's OK occasionally to just shut up and let the images speak for themselves. Held over at Tampa Theatre. Call theatre to confirm.

SUSPECT ZERO (R) You'll find just about every cliche and convention of the serial killer movie in this new film from director E. Elias Merhige (Shadow of the Vampire). There's the brilliant but tortured FBI agent (Aaron Eckhart) pursuing the equally brilliant serial killer (Ben Kingsley) who leaves a series of clues for his pursuer and even seems to feel some sort of link with him. Then there's the agent's intrepid love interest (who also happens to be his ex-partner), the tough but fair FBI boss, and a dark, grimy visual aesthetic deeply indebted to David Fincher's Seven. Merhige doesn't exactly manage to turn these conventions inside out, but he does do a bit of slicing and dicing at crucial junctures, re-arranging at least a few of the elements in new and interesting ways that threaten to transform the movie into something we haven't seen before. Also stars Carrie-Anne Moss and Harry J. Lennix.

THUNDERBIRDS (PG) Ex-Star Trek Next Generation beefcake Jonathan Frakes can't direct an action scene to save his life, but he does a serviceable job bringing to life this vintage cult kiddie TV show about a family of high-flying rescue heroes. The production design captures the colorful, snappy vibe of the original series, the characters are pleasantly cartoonish (particularly Ben Kingsley as the resident bad guy) and the special effects are passable, but nothing much really happens until the movie's final 15 minutes. Also stars Bill Paxton, Anthony Edwards, Brady Corbet and Soren Fulton.

THE VILLAGE (PG-13) Strange creatures lurk in the woods surrounding the little rural hamlet in the latest movie from M. Knight Shyamalan (The Sixth Sense). The premise — isolated, ordinary folks encounter things that go bump in the night — is a variation on the director's previous Signs, but the late 19th-century time frame, mannered performances and austere feel more strongly suggest Carl Theodor Dreyer adapting a horror story by Lovecraft. There's more than a whiff of metaphor here too — the villagers live in fear of the sharp-clawed beasties in the forest, but Shyamalan makes it clear that the real horrors are manmade — an effect heightened by the portentously delivered dialogue and not-quite-natural behavior of his characters. A Shyamalan movie wouldn't be a Shyamalan movie without its O. Henry-by-way-of-Rod-Serling trick ending, though, and the obligatory twists and countertwists of the film's second half don't serve it particularly well. Shyamalan's movies don't have endings so much as punch lines, and when you've heard this one once, that might just be enough. Stars Joaquin Phoenix, Bryce Dallas Howard, Sigourney Weaver, Adrien Brody and William Hurt.

WITHOUT A PADDLE (PG-13) A trio of Generation Whatever's (Seth Green, Matthew Lillard and Dax Shepard) star as childhood chums who reunite at a funeral and vow to honor their dead pal's dream of locating a lost treasure. The movie quickly devolves into a road trip down river, in which our heroes encounter man-eating bears with maternal urges, evil gun-toting hillbillies, sexy neo-hippie chicks, and Burt Reynolds as a scraggly-bearded mountain man. It's every bit as stupid as it sounds, and considerably more annoying for its attempts to fuse the uninspired slapstick with overbearingly "sensitive" moments of male bonding, secret bearing and soul searching. Also stars Burt Reynolds.

YU-GI-OH! (PG) Spiky-haired punk Yu Gi must use his mystical trading cards to defeat the evil villain Anubis and save the world from potential disaster. Yu-Gi-Oh! is based on Konami's popular trading card game and television show, though the big screen adaptation seems more like an hour-and-a-half advertisement ploy than a legitimate film. Yu-Gi-Oh! has no saving grace: its dialogue is comprised of characters blurting out the game's complex and incomprehensible rulebook over obnoxious sound effects in a failed attempt to provide drama for the film's monotonous card duels. In addition to Yu-Gi-Oh!'s indecipherable dialogue and bland animation, director Hatsuki Tsuji somehow manages to incorporate a storyline more difficult to follow than 2003's The Matrix Revolutions. Hats off to the parents who are willing to please their children and sit through what is quite possibly the year's most abysmal film.

—Damien Lehfeldt

Reviewed entries by Lance Goldenberg unless otherwise noted.

This article appears in Sep 1-7, 2004.