Upcoming RELEASES
BLIND DATING (PG-13) Did you hear the one about the incredibly handsome, capable blind guy (with basketball skills that make Daredevil and Zatoichi look like klutzes) who also happened to be a 20-something-ish virgin? Well, here it is, in all its well-meaning, pathetically inept anti-glory. Chris Pine stars as Danny, the blind hunk whose raging stereotype of an Italian goomba brother sets him up on a series of, you guessed it, blind dates, each of which turns out to be more predictably awful than the last. Even more awful are our hero's periodic attempts to pass as a "normal" sighted stud, a set-up for some astonishingly embarrassing slapstick and an even more embarrassing turn by Jane Seymour as a therapist who can't seem to keep her clothes on. Wafting through the proceedings is a culture-clash romance in which Danny falls for an Indian girl who's expected to marry one of her own and a melodramatic subplot involving the protagonist volunteering for a dangerous experimental operation to restore his sight. Pine is passable in the lead role, and Anjali Jay is a likeable enough object of desire, but virtually everything else about Blind Dating is too bogus to be believed. Also stars Eddie Kaye Thomas, Stephen Tobolowsky and Pooch Hall. Opens May 4 at local theaters. 1.5 stars
GEORGIA RULE (R) Two of the actresses you love to hate — Lindsay Lohan and Jane Fonda — are among the three featured female leads here. That, along with the fact that the high-testosterone Spider-Man 3 is the only other game in town this week, should insure this movie attracts an audience of sorts, whether it be those seeking a car crash or a chick flick. As it happens, Georgia Rule is a bit of both. Felicity Huffman makes up the final third of the movie's female triad, playing a boozy Californian who sends her out-of-control teenaged daughter (Lohan) to spend the summer in Nowheresville, Idaho, with Huffman's estranged, iron-willed mother (Fonda). Director Garry Marshall (Pretty Woman, Runaway Bride) mercilessly milks the shtick resulting from three generations of feuding mothers and daughters, but the conflicts are mostly too tidy, the personalities too rigid, and every other gesture over-enunciated, like a so-so play, stiffly executed and slapped up on the screen. The movie begins by throwing out streams of strident humor (much of it rooted in the promiscuity of Lohan's character), then abruptly shifts gears to heavy drama without having much of a handle on either. It's like randomly channel surfing from Steel Magnolias to Porky's to some faceless Lifetime Movie of the Week, and rest assured that there will be hugs all around if you wait long enough for them. Also stars Dermot Mulroney, Garrett Hedlund and Cary Elwes. Opens May 4 at local theaters. 2 stars
RECENT RELEASES
300 (R) We've come a long way from Final Fantasy, to the point where it's easy to forget that the digitally tweaked imagery washing over us in 300 is not, strictly speaking, real. The source here is a graphic novel by Frank Miller, and the sense that's imparted is that director Zack Snyder (rebounding nicely from his Dawn of the Dead remake) has imbued the panels not only with motion but also with life. An even more sophisticated blend of human actors and computer-generated environments than what was achieved in Miller's Sin City, 300's virtual universe recreates the battle of Thermopylae, when a small band of Spartan warriors held off a much larger army of Persians in 480 B.C. There's style to burn here and gore aplenty, as three hundred Spartan musclemen (resembling Tom of Finland fantasies in their red capes and black leather jock straps) take on hordes of fantastic and fearsome foes in a spectacle both elegant and unabashedly grisly. The movie is mainly notable for being an amazing technological achievement, but there's an actual story here as well (with some engaging characters and surprisingly smart writing), revealing 300 as something more than simply style for its own sake. Stars Gerald Butler, Lena Headey, Dominic West and Rodrigo Santoro. 3.5 stars
BLACK BOOK (NR) A wartime resistance film incorporating the Holocaust and comic book adventurers, Black Book often plays like Melville's Army of Shadows by way of Modesty Blaise. A few wags on the festival circuit reportedly went even further and dubbed it Schindler's List meets Showgirls, which makes sense when you consider that the director of Black Book and Showgirls are one and the same — Paul Verhoeven, the Dutch-born filmmaker whose Hollywood resume also includes Robocop and Basic Instinct. Carice von Houten stars as Rachel, an attractive and spunky Jewess in the German-occupied Holland of 1944, who winds up working some Mata Hari magic for the Dutch resistance. Rachel dies her hair blonde, sheds her clothes and becomes the mistress of a high-ranking Gestapo officer, at which point various plots and conspiracies unravel as the bullets fly and bodies pile up. Verhoeven seems re-energized working in his native Holland again, and Black Book moves at a brisk pace that manages to keep things fairly suspenseful for well over two hours. The movie also offers some interesting and surprisingly sophisticated moral observations in which there often doesn't seem to be all that much difference between the Nazi villains and the "good Dutchmen" the film is constantly holding up to the light. That said, the movie's more vulgar excesses sometimes make it hard to take Black Book all that seriously. Even if you can get past the fat, naked Nazis groping all that nubile flesh, there's some pretty silly melodrama going on here, and enough coincidences in the last act to test anyone's patience. Also stars Derek de Lint, Sebastian Koch, Thom Hoffman, Halina Reijn and Waldemar Kopus. 3 stars
BLADES OF GLORY (PG-13) Will Ferrell and Jon Heder play rival figure skaters forced to make nice. After Dodgeball and Talladega Nights, Blades of Glory leaves us wondering what sports could possible remain for folks like Ferrell and Ben Stiller to spoof. Ping-pong, anyone? Also stars Amy Poehler, Will Arnett and Jenna Fischer. (Not Reviewed)
THE CONDEMNED (R) Ten condemned convicts duke it out on a remote island, with only one survivor winning his freedom. It's all for the greater glory of American television, of course, and the movie's imaginary concept might just be the next step up (or down, depending on your perspective) from Survivor and dwarf tossing. Stars Stone Cold Steve Austin, Rick Hoffman, Vinnie Jones, Nathan Jones and Manu Bennett. (Not Reviewed)
DREAMGIRLS (PG-13) A uniquely African-American variation on that old Chicago razzle-dazzle, Dreamgirls lunges from one fabulous musical number to the next, a nearly nonstop hit parade with scattered bits of story thrown in during the downtime. Revolving around the rise of a girl-group called The Dreamettes (The Supremes by any other name), Dreamgirls attempts to tell the story of Motown, but it's all so slick and super-sized that it rarely resonates as it should. Ditto for the characters served up here, all of whom double as big, fat cultural icons in a flamboyantly superficial survey of what is arguably black music's most important decade. (For all the outsized drama, Dreamgirls often unintentionally comes pretty darned close to being soul music's Spinal Tap, minus the jokes.) What saves Dreamgirls is that its core performers — particularly Beyonce Knowles, Eddie Murphy and newcomer Jennifer Hudson — are talented and charismatic enough that, even when the material is bogus and the movie is just going through the motions, it's a pleasure to watch the singers and dancers vigorously strutting their stuff. Dreamgirls is mostly empty calories but, like most junk food, it's pretty hard to resist. Also stars Jamie Foxx, Danny Glover, Anika Noni Rose and Keith Robinson. 3 stars
FRACTURE (R) Although this is basically just a pumped-up version of one of those old Alfred Hitchcock Presents TV episodes about trying to get away with the perfect crime, Fracture works best when it's pretending to be The Silence of the Lambs, minus the fava beans and tasty liver. Ryan Gosling takes the Jodie Foster role (complete with down-home accent and humble beginnings), a law-abiding golden boy playing, and mostly losing at, a game of wits with a brilliant psychopath — portrayed by none other than Anthony Hopkins. Hopkins hams it up in fine, Lecter-ish style, right down to the creepy little facial ticks and reptilian stare (accented by ghoulish low-key lighting straight out of Silence). In fact, the Lecterisms are so in-your-face that at times the movie seems to be emulating The Freshman's postmodern hat trick with Brando's tongue-in-cheek reprise of his iconic Godfather role. There's ultimately nothing remotely postmodern or self-reflective about Fracture, however, and it soon becomes clear that the movie is simply cashing in on a registered trademark. That said, you could do worse. It's so entertaining watching Hopkins oozing his creepy charisma that we hardly notice all the plot holes and lack of gravitas around him. Also stars Rosamund Pike, Embeth Davidtz, Billy Burke and David Straithairn. 3 stars
GRINDHOUSE (R) The gimmick here — an inside joke grown so enormous it happily devours itself — is that the two movies bundled together in Grindhouse simulate the whole experience of taking in a double feature at some bottom-tier (aka "grindhouse") movie theater back in the 1970s. You can almost feel the sticky floors beneath your feet as grindhouse aficionados and co-directors Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino touch all the bases, right down to the previews for (fake) coming attractions and the scratched, faded and badly spliced film stock. As for the main features here, this is basic so-bad-it's-good stuff, gleefully violent, brainless fare. Rodriguez's Planet Terror is yet another Night of the Living Dead mash-up, in which flesh-munching zombies are complimented by cartoonish helpings of gore and the already iconic image of Rose McGowan with a machine gun attached to where her leg used to be. Tarantino's Death Proof gives us a psychotic stuntman (Kurt Russell) repeatedly smashing his car into a bunch of comely females for no discernable reason. With its exploding body parts and nonstop go-go frenzy, Rodriguez's contribution is just one step removed from the nonsensical commotion of his Shark Boy and Lava Girl. Oddly, Tarantino, that most movie-mad of director-fetishists, keeps things more grounded in reality, but his film also winds up being the duller portion of this double bill. Although it concludes with a wonderfully gratuitous car chase, 80 percent of Death Proof is simply girls sitting around shooting the breeze — and Tarantino still has a tough time writing decent dialogue for women. Also stars Freddie Rodriguez, Sydey Tamia Poitier, Vanessa Ferlito, Rosario Dawson, Zoe Bell, Josh Brolin, Marley Shelton, Stacy Ferguson and Naveen Andrews. 3.5 stars
HOT FUZZ (R) An even more seamless genre-bender than the director's previous Shaun of the Dead, Edgar Wright's thoroughly entertaining Hot Fuzz mashes up comedy, action, buddy movies and the odd Agatha Christie whodunit, while gleefully taking the piss out of everything it touches. The movie's smart enough to show some respect too, and its bottom line simultaneously spoofs and cherishes big, splashy action movies in much the same way that Shaun stroked and skewered horror. Wright's co-scripter Simon Pegg stars as Nicolas Angel, a London supercop who makes his less dedicated colleagues look so bad that he finds himself "promoted" to a beat in a picturesque, backwater burg (at which point the movie's perfectly chosen soundtrack becomes dominated by The Kinks' Village Green Preservation Society). The big joke here is that the sleepy village turns out to be anything but, and Angel winds up matching wits with a hooded reaper who's slicing and dicing the locals (and making it all look like a series of extremely unconvincing accidents). Hot Fuzz is some very funny stuff, with comedy that does droll as well as slapstick, and a well-stocked bank of almost too-clever pop culture references. It all tends to go on a bit too long for its own good (there are at least two climaxes too many here), but even the excesses are worth a look. By the end, Hot Fuzz is all glorious anarchy, as it should be. Also stars Nick Frost, Jim Broadbent, Timothy Dalton, Paddy Considine, Billie Whitelaw and Edward Woodward. 4 stars
THE LAST MIMZY (PG) The story here is actually pretty simple, but it's communicated in such a tedious, convoluted manner that it's hard to get a handle on what's happening until the movie's nearly over and even harder to care. Adorable little Emma (Rhiannon Leigh Wryn) and big brother Noah (Chris O'Neill) discover a box filled with mysterious "toys" that seem to be giving them special powers — although, as it turns out, the children's powers are just one more red herring in a movie filled with them. Very little of what occurs here seems specifically connected to anything else, entire areas of the plot are introduced and then haphazardly discarded, and even the main idea driving the story — some gobbledygook about the toys being beamed here by a future civilization in need of saving — is only explained in what amounts to a perfunctory postscript. Pitched in some bizarre netherworld between kid-friendly fare and adult drama, the movie gussies itself up with what is essentially very slight material with baroque visual effects and contrived narrative flourishes that are probably supposed to pass as sophisticated but that only add to the general air of incoherence. Also stars Timothy Hutton, Joely Richardson, Rainn Wilson and Michael Clarke Duncan. 2 stars
THE LOOKOUT (R) Screenwriter Scott Frank (Get Shorty, Out of Sight) makes his directorial debut with this much anticipated thriller about a brain-damaged janitor (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) who winds up involved in a bank robbery. Also stars Jeff Daniels, Matthew Goode and Isla Fisher. (Not Reviewed)
LUCKY YOU (PG-13) Eric Bana and Drew Barrymore are the beautiful losers at the center of this latest project from director Curtis Hanson (L.A. Confidential). Barrymore plays a not-particularly gifted singer, Bana's an unstable, high-stakes poker player, and Robert Duvall plays the legendary gambler who just happens to be Bana's domineering father. Also stars Debra Messing and Horatio Sanz. Opens May 4 at local theaters. (Not Reviewed)
MEET THE ROBINSONS (G) A Jimmy Neutron-like boy genius time-travels to the future where wacky adventures await with the titular, space-age family. Treat the kiddies (and yourself) to an even bigger kick by checking out the 3-D version of this latest Disney digital animation, playing at a handful of Bay area theaters (including Regal Citrus Park). Features the voices of Angela Bassett, Tom Selleck, Harland Williams, Adam West and Laurie Metcalf. (Not Reviewed)
MUSIC AND LYRICS (PG) Hugh Grant stars as Alex, a self-described "happy has-been" who enjoyed brief fame in a '80s pop band and now finds himself reduced to playing high school reunions. Drew Barrymore, assuming a role that a few years ago would have gone to Meg Ryan, plays a lovably neurotic ditz named Sophie. Alex and Sophie meet cute within the film's first 10 minutes, then wind up spending time together to collaborate on his big comeback song. And it's pretty much a given that by the time their brief artistic partnership comes to its conclusion, romantic sparks will have flown. And does it ever — in the hothouse bubble of Music and Lyrics, Alex and Sophie are veritable fruit flies of love, with a relationship that flourishes with all the prepackaged, just-add-water gusto of a packet of sea monkeys. A feel-good comedy coasting on featherweight charm, Music and Lyrics is not quite Two Weeks Notice pointless (another rom-com starring Grant and from the same director, Marc Lawrence), but it's certainly nowhere near Four Weddings and a Funeral smart, or even Notting Hill clever. Still, Grant and Barrymore are both appealing performers (even though their chemistry together doesn't exactly set the world on fire), and just the presence of their company is enough to make Music and Lyrics a bearable experience. Also stars Brad Garrett, Kristen Johnston, Campbell Scott and Haley Bennett. 2 stars
THE NAMESAKE (PG-13) A family saga spanning two generations, The Namesake is a film about packing up one's life and moving from one place to another. The principal bodies in motion here are Ashoke Ganguli (Irfan Khan) and his wife Ashima (Tabu), a Bengali couple who make a move to the United States and wind up living there as hyphenate-Americans, one foot in the old world and one foot in the new. Adapting Jhumpa Lahiri's 2003 bestseller in fine, cinematic style, director Mira Nair chronicles the Gangulis' changing lifestyles and attitudes over the years, detailing their trajectories with affection and rare intelligence, and giving the film a fluid, episodic feel that's mainly concerned with the everyday textures of life. Nair begins to lose control of the all-important rhythms of her film at the midpoint, as the focus shifts to son Gogul Ganguli (Kal Penn), and the story begins to push in more conventional directions that occasionally skirt the edges of melodrama. But even at its soapiest, there are more than enough grace notes to redeem The Namesake and keep it well on track. Also stars Jacinda Barrett and Zuleikha Robinson. 4 stars
NEXT (PG-13) Nicolas Cage stars as a Vegas magician who — surprise! — really can tell the future and who finds himself forcibly recruited by the feds to help thwart a terrorist plot. Yeah, it does sound a lot like 24 meets The Illusionist, but the director here is Lee Tamahori, who's made a couple of good films in his time (notably Once Were Warriors), so anything's possible. Also stars Julianne Moore and Jessica Biel. (Not Reviewed)
PERFECT STRANGER (R) Despite the perfectly generic title and perfectly bankable A-List stars (Halle Berry flirting with Bruce Willis!), Perfect Stranger turns out to be far from perfect and not at all strange. James Foley, who has directed some pretty good films in his time, cooks up a slick but basically pointless thriller that never quite kicks into gear. The movie is pretty much all foreplay, promising puzzles within puzzles without ever really providing one worth pondering. Berry stars as Rowena Price, a foxy newspaper reporter who goes undercover at a top advertising agency run by a philandering executive (Willis) who may have murdered Berry's friend. The stars are fun to watch — Willis plays a slightly more ominous version of his standard scalawag, and Berry's cartoon crusader may be her best since Catwoman (take that with as many kernels of popcorn as you wish) — but the script is lazy to a fault, with cheesy flashbacks surfacing every so often in lieu of actual character development. Also stars Giovanni Ribisi, Gary Dourdan and Patti D'Arbanville. 2 stars
THE REAPING (R) With current debates over whether the Bible should be taught in public schools and media depictions of a conservative party entrenched in extreme Christianity, it seems like a bold move to produce a film as blatantly religious as The Reaping. Unfortunately, any originality, substance or even novelty is lost in a parade of tired plot devices and predictable story progression. Hilary Swank plays Katherine Winter, an Indiana Jones sort of professor who treks the globe disproving various religious phenomena with her large muscular partner, Ben (Idris Elba). The duo run into trouble when they investigate a series of bizarre occurrences in the swamps of Louisiana that resemble the 10 Biblical plagues. The plot is forced onto the viewer without any tact or pacing and any attempt at depth or substance is crushed under the weight of a convoluted and disjointed mishmash of erratically delivered flashbacks, dream sequences and prophetic visions. In the end, the movie shows its real intentions with a gaudy orgasm of fire, brimstone and CGI. Also stars David Morrissey. 2 stars —Tristan Wheelock
SHOOTER (PG-13) Even in those rare moments when nothing seems to be happening, there's a sense of forward momentum here that reminds us of why they call these things action movies. (Our sense of the story advancing is so palpable, in fact, that's a bit of shock when we finally realize there's not really much story to advance.) Mark Wahlberg stars as an ex-marine sharpshooter who becomes the fall guy for a high-level political assassination he's been recruited to foil. With every armed body in America on his tail, Wahlberg spends most of the movie running for his life, pausing only for brief attempts at proving his innocence, with the whole thing playing out a little like The Fugitive meets Sniper on a grassy knoll (the movie teases us not just with presidential assassinations, but with all manner of shadowy conspiracies). There's nothing particularly spectacular about Shooter, frankly, nor are there any spectacular screw-ups (at least until the climatic face-off, when all the omnipotent bad guys turn themselves into convenient targets). It's sometimes a bit difficult to catch all of the characters' dialogue — what with all the gruff, Dirty Harry whispering going on, they could be pretty much saying anything — but by now you've probably figured out that doesn't much matter. Also stars Kate Mara, Michael Pena, Danny Glover and Ned Beatty. 3 stars
SPIDER-MAN 3 (PG-13) There's eye candy aplenty and tons of nutrient-free fun, but there are simply too many villains for comfort in this summer blockbuster, and they come crawling out of the woodwork with scant regard for rhyme or reason. The basic template here seems to be those more-is-more, super-powered free-for-all's that began taking over the Batman movies right around the time of Batman Returns and nearly sunk the franchise. There's nothing nearly as pointless as those Bat-fiascos here, but the script for Spider-Man 3 does show clear signs of franchise fatigue, making the mistake of confusing true spectacle with the process of simply piling on one damn thing after another. The fighting is interspersed with moments of mild comic relief (including Bruce Campbell channeling John Cleese as a snooty maitre d'), a subplot involving the hero's struggle to overcome his baser instincts for revenge, and some moderately engaging soap opera (and yes, one of the characters actually does get amnesia, only to regain his memory and make big trouble for everybody). The recipe essentially just repeats until the closing credits and, in the end, any characters left standing learn a valuable life lesson or two. Where Spider-Man 2 felt richly textured and, at its best, primal (or at least as primal as a movie about a guy in spider tights can be), this year's version too often feels overstuffed and shapeless. In any event, it's not what we deserve from a movie that reportedly cost more to make than the GNP of some countries. Stars Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst, James Franco, Thomas Haden Church, Topher Grace and Bryce Dallas Howard. 3 stars
TMNT (PG) Between the upcoming big screen version of Transformers and this state-of-the-art CGI revival of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise, 2007 is turning out to be a plum year for '80s nostalgia. In TMNT, our heroes on the half-shell face off against an evil industrialist (Patrick Stewart) and an army of deadly monsters — with periodic breaks, no doubt, for copious pizza consumption. Also features the voices of Sara Michelle Gellar, Chris Evans, Billy West, Ziyi Zhang and Kevin Smith . (Not Reviewed)
WILD HOGS (PG-13) In Wild Hogs, four suburban guys, each suffering the slings and arrows of midlife crisis, hoist their aging carcasses on motorcycles-cum-phallic-symbols and set out on a cross-country road trip to rediscover their old mojo(s). It's not a particularly good movie or a particularly funny one (did I forget to mention it's a comedy?), but Wild Hogs coasts comfortably on the likeability of its cast — John Travolta, Tim Allen, Martin Lawrence and William H. Macy — each riffing on familiar aspects of their respective screen personae. The humor here is mostly physical and of a lower-brow variety (characters frequently injure themselves and others, make funny faces in the shadow of emotional or material loss and deal with massive feces spillages, literally). to the movie's credit, there's a blithely cheerful quality to even its most potentially cruel bits that, like a vintage Road Runner cartoon, keeps Wild Hogs from feeling mean-spirited. Even the obligatory soundtrack of classic road songs is a tad less annoying than you might imagine. At least I don't think I heard "Born to be Wild" in there. Also stars Ray Liotta and Marisa Tomei. 2 stars
YEAR OF THE DOG (PG-13) Mike White (who wrote Richard Linkater's School of Rock, as well as Chuck & Buck) directs a semi-sweet but slightly off-kilter tale of a girl and her dog — or rather, a girl and her lack of a dog, since the beloved pooch in question dies shortly after the film begins. Former SNL-er Molly Shannon plays Peggy Spade, a woman devastated by the loss of her pet and captured in a series loosely connected vignettes featuring an assortment of quirky acquaintances. White fashions the material as comedy of a mostly droll sort, putting Peggy through her paces as we watch her become, in due course, a vegan and then an animal rights activist. By the end of Year of the Dog, Peg has taken it upon herself to rescue a small army of homeless canines who, naturally, proceed to wreak havoc upon her personal space — but the deeper the woman's life spirals into chaos, the more strangely serene she becomes. White doesn't seem to know quite how or when to end his story, but these odd little moments of contrast become punch lines unto themselves. It's all a little too perplexing, since, a lot like one of the abused, confused animals that Peggy rescues, the movie licks your face one moment and nips at your hand the next. Also stars John C. Reilly, Peter Sarsgaard, Laura Dern, Regina King and Josh Pais. 3 stars
This article appears in May 9-15, 2007.