ALONG CAME POLLY (PG-13) As its title more than suggests, what we have here is a romantic comedy that feels like a series of slapped-together outtakes from There's Something About Mary. The relationship at the center of the movie is a by-the-numbers case of opposites attracting (Ben Stiller's uptight insurance analyst falls for Jennifer Aniston's free-spirited eccentric), with semi-funny physical humor and Farrelly Brothers-ish toilet jokes abounding. There's even a blind ferret subbing for the little pooch in Mary. On the plus side, Aniston makes her underwritten character feel surprisingly real, and Philip Seymour Hoffman and Alec Baldwin deliver a few solid chuckles on the sidelines. Stiller plays the same character he always plays, and is usually much better when reacting to situations than when he's trying to drum up some laughs on his own. Also stars Debra Messing and Hank Azaria. 
BAD SANTA (R) Billy Bob Thornton stars as the world's most horrible department store Santa in this wonderfully disgusting new comedy from Terry Zwigoff (Crumb, Ghost World). The closest modern equivalent to the movie's brand of sick-sick-sick humor might be There's Something about Mary, but Bad Santa turns wallowing in ugliness into something not only very funny but also very sad and real in a way that the Farrelly Brothers rarely manage. Things get a little gooey at the end (when Thornton's relationship with a weird little kid blossoms) and chirpy Lauren Graham of The Gilmore Girls seems a bit out of place here, but the rest is solid gold, dipped in blood, booze and puke. Also stars Bernie Mac, Tony Cox and John Ritter.
BIG FISH (PG-13) Tim Burton's new movie often appears to be one absurd image and taller-than-tall tale after another. Strip away all the baroque detours, though, and you'll find a simple saga about estranged sons making peace with absent fathers, a scenario that trades in a familiar Hollywood sentimentality straight out of any number of so-so movies with names most of us have already forgotten. It's a meticulously crafted movie and, in its way, an immensely enjoyable one, but that instantly identifiable, auteurist hand behind Ed Wood and Pee-Wee's Big Adventure is almost nowhere to be found. You might say that Big Fish represents a more mature Burton, a now nearly fully domesticated filmmaker capable of creating mellower movies that don't feel the pressing need to assert their originality with every frame. With its kinder, gentler quirkiness, Big Fish has the unmistakable feel of a fairy tale, but one told by a grown-up. Stars Albert Finney, Ewan McGregor, Billy Crudup, Jessica Lange and Helena Bonham Carter. 1/2
THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT (R) Ashton Kutcher stars as a troubled young man who discovers he can travel back in time to "fix" the childhood traumas that screwed him up so badly. Only problem is that once Kutcher gets back to the present, he finds that things haven't necessarily changed for the better. The Butterfly Effect is a less-than-inspired What If project, in which the principal pleasure is supposed to lie in watching the various alternate versions of the main character's reality unfold. Unfortunately, neither the main character nor his realities are particularly interesting, the movie's way too clumsy and silly to handle delicately the themes it touches upon (such as child abuse), and Kutcher simply can't act his way out of a paper bag. Also stars Amy Smart. Opens Jan. 23 at local theaters.
CALENDAR GIRLS (PG-13) For those who just can't get enough of The Full Monty, here's a new British comedy about a group of proper middle-aged ladies who decide to raise money for a hospital by posing in the all-together for a calendar. Any questions? Stars Helen Mirren and Julie Waters. (Not Reviewed)
CHASING LIBERTY (PG-13) Life is tough when you're a pretty teenage girl who just happens to be the only daughter of the President of the United States. Mandy Moore stars as the First Teen, trying to get on with her social life while being followed by squads of secret service types. Also stars Jeremy Piven, Mark Harmon and Annabella Sciorra. (Not Reviewed)
CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN (PG) Steve Martin and Bonnie Hunt star as the loving but harried parents of 12 children in this remake of the 1950 comedy of the same name. Chaos ensues. Also stars Piper Perabo and Hilary Duff. (Not Reviewed)
COLD MOUNTAIN (NR) There's more than a whiff of dread hanging in the air in director Anthony Minghella's wildly tragic-romantic opus, and it won't be giving away much to mention that it all ends badly. Jude Law and Nicole Kidman (sporting not-too-embarrassing Southern accents) star as a pair of absurdly clear complected, Civil War-era lovebirds buffeted by the cruel winds of destiny. He's been to hell and back in the war, and spends most of the movie's two-and-a-half hours trudging through the ravaged countryside, encountering various colorful characters along the way, as Kidman's voice-over periodically implores "My love, my love, where are you?" The film practically begs for consideration as Minghella's Gone With the Wind, or maybe his Pilgrim's Progress, a panoramic study of a vanished America, bolstered by handsome cinematography and oodles of lively performances. Even at 150 minutes the movie feels rushed, though, visibly straining to cram in too many characters and events. For all the epic sprawl, there's a scattered, episodic quality to the film that makes even the better performances feel a bit like cameos. And even though everyone's faces are dutifully smudged and fingernails are appropriately dirty, Kidman and Law rarely fail to look like fashion models striking poses out in the wild. Also stars Renee Zellweger and Natalie Portman.
THE COOLER (R) A Vegas fairy tale starring William H. Macy as a well-meaning sad sack (Macy's forte) whose luck is so bad it's infectious. Macy's luck seems to turn around when he falls in love with a frisky cocktail waitress (Maria Bello), but complications set in from all directions, beginning with an old-school casino boss (Alec Baldwin) with his own plans for Macy. The movie's amusing enough and boasts three terrific performances in Macy, Baldwin and Bello, but first-time director Wayne Kramer still only barely manages to avoid skirting any number of cliches and stereotypes. Also stars Ron Livingston and Paul Sorvino. At Regal Channelside, Beach Theatre and Sarasota Hollywood 20. Opens Jan. 23 at Regal Hollywood in Sarasota. Call theaters to confirm.
ELF (PG) A good bit more than just another forgettable project for some former SNL cast member, Elf benefits from some very funny gags, smart direction, and a solid cast — beginning with its star, Will Ferrell. Ferrell plays Buddy, an overgrown Gump-ian man-child raised by elves (don't ask), who now finds himself in the urban jungle of the human world in search of his biological father (James Caan). Ferrell remains one of the funniest and most underrated performers ever to pass through the SNL factory, and director Jon Favreau gives him plenty of room to display the fearless, manic comedy he does so well. The humor veers between gleefully lowbrow slapstick and over-the-top oddness verging on performance art, but most of it works surprisingly well. The supporting cast is appealing as well, beginning with Caan, who makes a great straight man to Ferrell's ball of absurdist energy. Also stars Zooey Deschanel, Mary Steenburgen and Ed Asner. 1/2
GOTHIKA (R) In her first post-Oscar role, Halle Berry plays a psychotherapist who begins seeing nasty visions and winds up in the damaged souls section of a prison that more closely resembles a haunted house than a penitentiary. The story teases us with some Is she actually nuts or is there really something supernatural afoot? mind games, but that's only window dressing for what is essentially just your basic freaky horror flick. Neon lights flicker at predictable intervals, the wind howls incessantly, and director Mathieu Kassovitz's camera twirls about to the point of distraction, sort of a 21st-century equivalent of those irritating zoom shots of the '70s. The movie is stylish, and Berry holds her own, but Gothika's script is a plodding, convoluted mishmash of horror cliches (complete with eleventh-hour revelations). Even worse, everybody but Berry and Robert Downey often gives the impression that they're being directed by someone with a less-than-perfect grasp of the nuances of the English language. Also stars Penelope Cruz and Charles S. Dutton.
HAUNTED MANSION (PG) The year's second movie based on a Disney theme park attraction isn't quite the unexpected surprise that Pirates of the Caribbean was, but there are certainly worse ways to while away an empty hour or two. Eddie Murphy stars as a workaholic real estate agent trapped with his wife and kids in a creepy house inhabited by ghosts. The movie's target audience is 12 and under, but there's an actual attempt at a plot, of sorts (something about an ancient curse resulting from a tragically ended romance), some respectable special effects and appealing performances both from Murphy and Terrence Stamp (playing a sinister, spectral butler). Parents should be forewarned that there's a particularly frightening sequence halfway in (involving re-animated, decaying corpses), that is probably too intense for most children under the age of seven or so. So if you bring the kiddies, prepare to cover those little eyes. Also stars Marsha Thomason, Jennifer Tilly and Nathaniel Parker.
HONEY (PG-13) Dark Angel's Jessica Alba stars as an aspiring dancer/choreographer who moves to the big city to pursue her dream. Trials and tribulations ensue. Also stars Mekhi Phifer and Lil' Romeo. (Not Reviewed)
HOUSE OF SAND AND FOG (PG) Andre Dubus III's acclaimed bestseller makes its way to the big screen, complete with a couple of Oscar-winning actors to round out the pedigree. Sir Ben Kingsley stars as an Iranian immigrant who purchases a house that, owing to a bureaucratic snafu, has been taken away from recovering addict Jennifer Connelly. Also stars Jonathan Ahdout. (Not Reviewed)
IN AMERICA (NR) Jim Sheridan's new film is about characters haunted by death, but it's also something of a fairytale, the sweetly old-fashioned kind that come complete with three wishes. The director wrote the film with his two grown daughters, drawing upon their early memories to fashion In America's more-or-less autobiographical account of a family of Irish immigrants struggling to get by in New York City. The earlier and, by far, most successful sections of the film feel delightfully spontaneous and loosely sketched, conveying an unmistakable air of authenticity that makes small moments like purchasing an old air conditioner or strolling through a street fair feel quite large indeed. That magic dissipates during the film's later sections, however, when the movie cops out with a number of conventional flourishes, including a terminal illness for one of the characters and a complicated pregnancy for another. Even more problematic, however, is the movie's awkward, eleventh-hour shift into darker territory, as the film somersaults into an orgy of blood, death and drama-queen theatrics that would make a Palestinian suicide bomber blush. It's almost enough to make us forget that In America is also a movie that brims with life. Stars Samantha Morton, Paddy Considine, Djimon Hounsou, Sarah Bolger and Emma Bolger.
THE LAST SAMURAI (PG-13) Tom Cruise plays a guilt-ravaged, Civil War-era soldier who accepts an offer to travel to Japan to prepare that country's army to battle a legion of samurai warriors resisting encroaching modernity (read: Western influence). It's clear from the outset that Algren's admiration lies more with his brave-hearted adversaries than with his fat-cat employers — and when the samurais capture him, Cruise's love affair with his honorable foes begins in earnest. It's all very beautifully realized, although not particularly subtle, with endless scenes of samurai life accompanied by warm, gooey music that makes the theme from Love Story sound restrained. The movie falls into a pattern of sorts, with quieter sequences involving Cruise's character's personal transformation followed by a succession of big, juicy battle scenes that pop up roughly every 20 minutes. So even if all the sensitive stuff is putting you to sleep, you won't have long to wait for the next energetically edited sequence of heads being lopped off, swords piercing flesh, and screaming men on horses galloping in all directions. Also stars Ken Watanabe, Tony Goldwyn, Timothy Spall and Billy Connolly.
THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING (PG-13) The grand finale of Peter Jackson's masterful adaptation of J.R.R. Tolkien's books is a 210-minute, total immersion experience that's apt to leave one feeling both exhilarated and emotionally exhausted. All in all, it's a deeply satisfying conclusion to a series that now seems all but assured of a place in cinema history as the War and Peace of fantasy-adventure movies. The scale here is even more immense than that of the previous two installments, with a furious Mother of All Battles only part of a vast, Wagnerian spectacle, complete with grand transformations and much talk of blood, essence, history and destiny. Most of the movie's incredible imagery is computer-generated, but perhaps the greatest accomplishment of Return of the King is that all the high-tech shenanigans are always at the service of a story that never loses sight of its old-fashioned humanity. It can (and will) be argued that the movie's too long and contains at least one or two endings too many, but there's a lovely symmetry to the film's structure that ties together the entire trilogy with grace and humor. And frankly, I for one can't wait to see the even longer cut on DVD next year. Stars Elijah Wood, Sean Astin, Ian McKellen, Viggo Mortensen, Orlando Bloom, Sean Bean and Billy Boyd. 1/2
LOST IN TRANSLATION (PG-13) Sofia Coppola's playful and elegantly deadpan film is a cinematic poem for people who don't think they like poetry. The movie's not-so-secret weapon is Bill Murray, who plays a burned-out movie star a decade or two past his prime and reduced to hawking whiskey for Japanese television. Murray's character hooks up with another American stranger in a strange land, (Ghost World's Scarlett Johansson), and the movie follows the two jet-lagged and utterly disoriented Yanks running wild through the sensory overload of downtown Tokyo and, in their down time, back at the hotel. Coppola's eccentric little wisp of a film is a pure beauty, achieving a seemingly effortless balance of understated wit, lyricism, and off-the-wall absurdity. Also stars Giovanni Ribisi. At Madstone Theaters. 1/2
LOVE ACTUALLY (PG-13) From Four Weddings and a Funeral to Notting Hill, Richard Curtis' scripts have proven consistently funny, energetic, romantic, and just smart and quirky enough to compensate for stray moments of unruly sappiness. Love Actually, Curtis' first self-directed project, breaks absolutely no new ground, but it showcases most of the things the writer-director does best. Curtis interweaves nearly a dozen tales here, showing us all kinds of love, from the puppy and unrequited varieties, to office romances to power worship that might or might not be love, actually. Stars Hugh Grant, Liam Neeson, Colin Firth, Bill Nighy, Martine McCutcheon, Andrew Lincoln and Laura Linney.
MASTER AND COMMANDER: THE FAR SIDE OF THE WORLD (PG-13) Director Peter Weir's latest film is every bit the rousing, testosterone-infused adventure you're probably expecting, but it's also an above-average character study, and a finely drawn portrait of seafaring days in the early 19th-century. Based on Patrick O'Brian's popular novels about Captain Jack Aubrey, Master and Commander follows Aubrey (Russell Crowe) and the crew of HMS Surprise as they travel the seven seas (well, two or three of them), playing cat-and-mouse with a bigger, faster, better-armed French vessel. For all its mainstream appeal, Master and Commander in many ways harks back to its director's earlier efforts — quiet, delicately textured films like Picnic at Hanging Rock — that relied as much on atmosphere as on plot. Weir's a good enough filmmaker to infuse this big-budget, big-name production with artistry, without alienating the affections of audiences primarily craving exhilarating action scenes. Also stars Paul Bettany and Billy Boyd. 1/2
THE MATRIX REVOLUTIONS (R) Revolutions begins with a series of elegant set pieces, leading to a CGI-generated machines-versus-humans battle of numbingly epic proportions (with visuals ripped from Aliens via Robocop), and concludes with Keanu Reeves' savage messiah dishing up some obligatory cosmic comeuppance. There are few surprises this time out, but the movie feels more cohesive than the last installment, and it's so well made that we can't help but get caught up in all the fireworks. Several of the more intriguing (and complicated) ideas from Matrix Reloaded are left hanging, but the over-tidy simplification actually helps us get involved with the movie on an emotional level, rather than just in a visceral or cerebral way. Also stars Laurence Fishburne, Carrie-Anne Moss, Hugo Weaving and Jada Pinkett Smith. 1/2
MONA LISA SMILE (PG-13) New teacher Julia Roberts shakes things up at a conservative college for women in the 1950s, in this Dead Poets Society for girls. Roberts butts heads with the uptight administration and snooty students, deals with the affections of a suitor or two, and ultimately serves as an inspiration and guiding light to scads of bright young women who might otherwise have spent their lives making meatloaf for their hubbies. Roberts might just be atoning for Pretty Woman with her strong, vaguely bohemian character here, but the movie is just too shallow and predictable to really qualify as anything special. Also stars Maggie Gyllenhaal, Kirsten Dunst, Julia Stiles and Marcia Gay Harden. 1/2
MONSTER (R) First-time director Patty Jenkin's movie is harrowing stuff, topped by Charlize Theron's astonishing turn as real-life female serial killer Aileen Wuornos. Monster is one long howl of pain, focusing on the relatively brief period when hate-wracked Aileen Wuornos made the leap from bargain basement hooker to insatiable serial killer. The movie manages to paint Wuornos as a victimizer and as a victim, eliciting both our horror and empathy (sometimes in the same breath), and the frame of mind we're put in is anything but a simple one. As for Theron's spine-tingling performance, it will make it difficult to ever look at this actress in the same way again. It's the sort of performance that starts in a very physical place and then extends outward in all directions, devastating everything in its path with its sheer intensity. Also stars Christina Ricci. Opens Jan. 23 at both Channelside Cinemas and Madstone Theaters. Call theaters to confirm. 1/2
MY BABY'S DADDY (PG-13) Director Cheryl Dunye follows up her interesting Watermelon Woman with what sounds like a blatant bid for mainstream acceptance. Eddie Griffin, Anthony Anderson and Michael Imperioli (The Sopranos) star as a trio of hard-partying, inner-city bachelors dealing with impending fatherhood. Also stars Method Man. (Not Reviewed)
MYSTIC RIVER (R) Clint Eastwood's latest directorial offering dives into somewhat unfamiliar waters, with mostly successful results. Mystic River is an epic tragedy about how two devastating events, a quarter-century apart, change a handful of lives in a Boston working class neighborhood. Eastwood's film is uncharacteristically filled with charged symbols and nakedly emotional Big Speeches, but the top-notch ensemble cast is good enough to pull it off and leave us wanting more. Tim Robbins is particularly effective as the damaged man-child who never quite recovered from being molested as a child, and Sean Penn burns up the screen as a man with a dead daughter and one too many secrets. Also stars Kevin Bacon, Laura Linney, Laurence Fishburne and Marcia Gay Harden. 1/2
PAYCHECK (PG-13) While Face/Off remains John Woo's only truly worthwhile American movie, there's much to like about Paycheck, a brisk little science fiction thriller based on a short story by Philip K. Dick. Woo's new movie represents an interesting change of direction for the filmmaker, who largely eschews his familiar, over-the-top bullet-ballet style in favor of a more subtle, suspenseful approach here. Despite virtual cameo appearances of a few of Woo's trademark flourishes (a fluttering white dove, two guys pointing guns in each other's faces), the director often seems to be channeling Hitchcock (or perhaps he's just channeling Brian DePalma channeling Hitchcock). The plot feels a little Hitch-y, too — specifically North By NorthWest meets Memento, with an amnesiac hero running around trying to figure out why everyone is shooting at him. Continuing his tradition of working with popular but hopelessly lame stars like Jean-Claude Van Damme and Christian Slater, Woo teams up with J Lo's favorite stiff, Ben Affleck, who becomes the black hole at the center of what might otherwise have been a perfectly watchable film. Uma Thurman, looking more like a knock-off Modigliani than ever, has the unenviable task of acting as if she actually cares for Affleck. Also stars Aaron Eckhart and Paul Giamatti.
PETER PAN (PG) A beautifully imagined retelling of J.M. Barrie's 1924 classic, faithful in essence and in particulars to its source while adding some creative touches of its own. Director P.J. Hogan (the "wedding guy" behind Muriel's Wedding and My Best Friend's Wedding) laces a slightly darker and more erotic tone throughout, with Wendy, Tink and Hook all smacking lips over Peter at one point or another. (Even weirder, Wendy also seems to find something, uh, strangely compelling about Hook — who is played, kinkily enough, by the same actor who plays her father.) The film looks gorgeous, with some nifty special effects and a strong cast that includes Jeremy Sumpter (the first actual boy to ever play Peter!), Ludivine Sagnier (Swimming Pool) as Tinkerbell, and Jason Isaacs as the best Hook since Dustin Hoffman's turn in Spielberg's underrated Hook. There are some overly sentimental moments here, to be sure, but some magical ones too. When all's said and done, the movie succeeds mightily on smarts, style and sheer fairy power — and we're not talkin' Queer Eye here. Also stars Olivia Williams and Rachel Hurd-Wood. 1/2
SOMETHING'S GOTTA GIVE (PG-13) Diane Keaton delivers a memorable performance, both touching and very funny, as a middle-aged woman who finds herself all shook up in love for the first time in ages. Jack Nicholson is also in fine form as the aging playboy playing romantic head games with our heroine, and Frances McDormand and Amanda Peet work wonders with small roles as Keaton's sister and daughter, respectively. Other than some very engaging performances, however, there's not all that much going on in Something's Gotta Give, a romantic comedy that breezes along on a handful of cute jokes and the sort of star power that transcends a so-so script. It's all appealing enough until a disastrously predictable last act appears, demonstrating nothing less than the fact that the movie has simply run out of ideas. Also stars Keanu Reeves.
STUCK ON YOU (PG-13) As if further proof were required, this new project from the Farrelly Brothers shows the team's patented brand of "offensive" comedy has become an occasionally amusing but, for the most part, rigorously inoffensive formula that the filmmakers can apparently whip up in their sleep. Matt Damon and Greg Kinnear generate some good chemistry as a pair of conjoined twins ("We're not Siamese," snips Damon's character. "We're American"), but the filmmakers seem to be pulling their punches and playing it safer than ever. It's not nearly as awful as you might imagine from the premise (or the trailer), but — outside of one priceless moment with Kinnear performing a one-man play while dragging his twin behind him — not nearly as funny either. Also stars Eva Mendes, Wen Yann Shih, Seymour Cassel and Cher. 1/2
TEACHER'S PET (PG) Feature-length version of Disney's TV series about a little blue dog who dreams of becoming a boy. If nothing else, we can look forward to artist Gary Baseman's inimitable visual style. Featuring the voices of Nathan Lane and Kelsey Grammer. (Not Reviewed)
TORQUE (PG-13) Tough but sensitive loner Martin Henderson is blackmailed into participating in a scheme that pits him against rival biker gangs, drug dealers and cops. Can anyone say The Fast and the Furious with motorcycles? Also stars Ice Cube and Monet Mazur. (Not Reviewed)
WIN A DATE WITH TAD HAMILTON (PG-13) Puppy love comedy that occasionally seems to aim a touch higher than what we expect, but can't quite manage to get there. Small town supermarket clerk Rosalee (Kate Bosworth) is swept off her feet by Tad Hamilton (Josh Duhamel), a hunky Hollywood movie star with whom she wins that titular date. It's never quite clear how sincere Duhamel's character is, or what he's after in his wooing of the pretty little hick, and, while it's initially intriguing, the movie suffers from that vagueness. Meanwhile, Rosalee's best pal (That 70s Show's Topher Grace) turns out to be harboring a 22-year-old crush on the girl that's set to explode at any moment. The young actors are genuinely appealing and the script actually has some clever things to say from time to time, but Win a Date with Tad Hamilton is ultimately about as shallow as you'd imagine. Also stars Nathan Lane and Ginnifer Goodwin. Opens Jan. 23 at local theaters. 1/2
— Reviewed entries by Lance Goldenberg unless otherwise noted.
This article appears in Jan 22-28, 2004.
