My girlfriend is bisexual, and I'm not. We both think the idea of a threesome with another girl is hot, but my girlfriend says if we're going to do it, I should also agree to a threesome with another man, "for her." I don't think I should be on the hook for some sort of reciprocal deal, because the threesome with a woman wouldn't be "for me," it's something both of us want, and I'm just not into doing it with another guy. What do you think?
Dear Jack Tripper,
OK, so who is the threesome for, then? Because I'm going all media-on-Donald-Trump here and using your words: "the idea of a threesome with another girl is hot." Don't pretend you're a sexual martyr; it's for you — especially since you're unwilling to reciprocate.
Of course, if you don't want to sleep with a man, you shouldn't. End of story. But you can't have your cake and eat it too, to borrow a convenient euphemism. You're going to have to decide.
Also, I think you guys are heading for disaster. Here's the thing: bisexuality isn't the same thing as polygamy. Oftentimes it works out that way, but I know plenty of monogamous couples who had threesomes who ceased being couples shortly thereafter. Have you and your gf agreed to a polygamous relationship? Because it sounds to me like you're using her sexuality as a license to have sex with another woman. That's… that's pretty sleazy, actually.
But I could be wrong. Have you talked to your gf and told her that being with another guy isn't just "not for you" but that you really don't think you could get into it? Maybe — and this is a big maybe — she'll say OK, so we'll just do the one with me and Tina. Or you could propose some other arrangements, like she'll do a threesome with another girl and you if you don't mind her having a threesome with two other guys. Or maybe you could just watch, although that's not wildly satisfying. Maybe you can work out a way to have a threesome with her and another guy where the two of you don't touch.
Bottom line, ask her how you can work it out. But do not — under any circumstances — make it sound like you did with me, like it was a business deal. Try a little gentler approach, eh?
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This article appears in Jun 29 – Jul 7, 2017.