It’s the night before Thanksgiving and procrastination has finally given way to panic. The invitations have been sent out, decorative cobs of corn have been hung, the extra computer chair from your office is now part of your dining room set, and the liquor cabinet has been overstocked. But there are some things alcohol can’t disguise — like the fact that in 24 hours your mother-in-law will be the judge and your family the jury. There better be a succulent, juicy, perfectly roasted bird on that table or you’re facing a 12-month sentence of ridicule and “What you should’ve done was…” revisionism. The following is a to-the-point guide to keep you out of culinary jail.
Traditional Roast Turkey
Difficulty: Hard
Safety Factor: If you have a critical mother-in-law, and tender feelings, this probably isn’t for you.
This is the old-school way of roasting a turkey. You marinate it just right the night before, dress it just right the day of, surgically implant butter cubes under the skin (turkeyplasty) and roast it in your oven just right, with a carefully followed schedule of basting and praying. If you can pull this one off, my hat goes off to you. This is recommended for the seasoned cook or professional chef who makes it a yearly ritual to perfect the art of turkey roasting. When done right, this yields a perfectly crispy roasted turkey with meat that is not moist — but not dry. It’s just right.
Deep-Fried Turkey
Difficulty: Medium
Safety Factor: Probably best to do this in the emergency room parking lot so they can get you in right away.
There is nothing mysterious or difficult about this method of cooking your turkey. You go down to your local hardware store, buy a turkey fryer, fill it with a few gallons of peanut oil, bring it up to temperature and deep fry that sucker! The method is crude, but the result (if done right) will yield a perfectly scrumptious, moist bird with crispy skin. Recommended for those with a backyard and plenty of space to run if things go wrong. Not recommended for condo dwellers, drunks or people who have kids running around.
This article appears in Nov 11-17, 2010.