As the pace of the live music season picks up and Bay area venues fill with warm bodies, I thought it’d be prudent to offer some tips on how to get the most out of your concert experience without becoming the asshole who ruins it for someone else. While much of the following advice might seem like common sense, it’s surprising how social courtesy falls by the wayside when the drinks and adrenaline are flowing, and there’s music in the air…
Be respectful of your neighbors. We get it — you’re way way into the band, and you want to scream and jump and flail and dance like a wild animal so they can see and/or hear your appreciation from the stage and feel your full-body energy … but remember that those people standing all around you might not share your enthusiasm and don’t like getting bumped and battered, especially more than once. Outbursts of excitement and energetic dancing are perfectly reasonable; making a complete nuisance of yourself through an entire show — whether via your loud mouth or generalized flailing — is not.
Leave some space. A general admission show sometimes means there’s not a lot of personal space to go ’round. However, it doesn’t mean the small breathing space directly in front of me is made for you and your brother and two of his meathead friends. So, please don’t jam yourselves into it and I won’t have to elbow the shit out of you if you do.
Arrive early or stand in the back. If it is a GA show, don’t be the asshole who shows up five minutes before the lights go out and tries to railroad his way through the crowd to claim a spot near the stage. Arrive earlier if you want to be closer. Most of the people you’re trying to wedge yourself in front of likely got there a long time before you and some will aggressively protect their square of dance floor like it’s the Alamo.
Sweat much? Bring a towel. If you’re prone to dripping or oozing, please bring a sweat rag (or several). I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been defiled by the spatter of some unknown person’s juices or felt a wet smear of foreign flesh against my own. Every time it makes me wonder how I’m not a germaphobe…
Try Tic Tacs. If you ate sausages and sauerkraut, consumed a steady chugging stream of PBRs, and feel that hot gassy air pushing its way up through your windpipe, blow that putrid expulsion away from anywhere a person might get an unexpected faceful of your nastiness.
Stop shouting song requests. If it’s something popular, there’s a 95 percent chance the artist was already planning on playing it. Your shouting not only annoys your fellow fans, it might even annoy the artist if you’re in a venue small enough that he can hear you. Anyone who saw Jason Isbell a few years back knows exactly what I’m talking about. If you’re shouting requests in an arena, you’re just being a jackass — because do you really think the band can hear you over the 15,000 other screaming jackasses?
Silence is golden, so shut the fuck up. A quiet moment is not your opportunity to catch up with your buddy. Some of us want to hear the music, not your loud mouth discussing the Celtics-Bulls game or your ex’s doctor-enhanced cupsize. If you have to chit-chat, do it by the bar or back where the rest of the chatty folks gravitate — or stick your mouth up next to your friend’s ear and speak directly into the hole. No shouting necessary.
Practice safe surfing. Crowd surfing is a classic concert pastime, just make sure you’re doing it over a dense and willing crowd. I’ve seen too many people stage dive head first to the floor, kicking a few people on the way down. I’ve also seen a few stage dives where the seemingly dense crowd parted like the Red Sea. A few good questions to ask yourself: How many of these people would you really want at the other end of a trust fall? More importantly, has someone taken a successful dive already? Most important: Are you female and do you like being groped?
Mosh only when appropriate. A moshing rule-of-thumb: follow the mood of the room. If you are at a punk-jazz show and the majority of people are standing with their arms crossed staring intently at the stage, they probably aren’t interested in dealing with your overzealous attempts at aggression. Moshpits tend to start naturally and are made up of willing participants. One dready dude slamming into 12 unwilling music fans does not a mosh pit make.
Put your iPhone down. I’m not interested in watching the entire show through your goddamn screen. Take a look around. If there are at least three people holding up phones or digital cameras, put yours away and look up the concert on YouTube later. If you must record, see if you’re obstructing someone’s view, move someplace you aren’t, or limit your recording to a song or two.
Go easy on the club drugs. Enjoying a romantic moment is one thing. Tonguing each other's tonsils the entire show harks back to the whole "be respectful of your neighbors" thing. Go to the club if you didn’t come to check out the music. Or get a goddamn room.
No! Don’t touch the band, don’t touch the band’s instruments/notebooks/lucky C-3PO doll, and unless you’re at a rock show and you’re about to vault off of it, don’t jump on stage. It’s just not cute. Also, seats do not mean that sitting down is mandatory, especially if the majority of people are standing and dancing.
Yes! A simple "Excuse me" goes a long way.
This article appears in Jan 19-25, 2012.