Dear Dan,
As you now know, you’ve become the butt of yet another Cleveland sports joke.
I’m sorry that Lebron broke up with you on national television. You should have known that attention comes with celebrity and everyone wanted to “witness” this moment in history. The moment us Clevelanders were so sure would never come.
Clearly, you’re bitterly disappointed. After all, what else could inspire a high-school break up note like this? Come on. You used blue Comic Sans. Are you actually a 14-year-old girl?
The good news is that more of LeBron’s games will be on TV in Tampa and those of us outside of Northeast Ohio don’t have to hear about the betrayal of a star player switching teams.
There is so much more I could tell you that you could have done differently to keep LeBron in Cleveland. That weird commercial could have been promoted better. You could have found a better way to prevent the Cavs from being known as the Cleveland LeBrons.
You simply don’t seem to have what it takes to deal with talent that’s motivated by championships.
You have given us so much to make fun of.
In the meantime, I want to tell you one thing.
“YOU SHOULDN’T WRITE IN ALL CAPS OR MAKE GUARANTEES YOU DON’T KNOW YOU CAN KEEP.”
That advice will go all the way to the bank.
If you thought the media wasn’t kind to you before, I can tell you that this display of immaturity has only driven the media’s attention on LeBron to unknown and “never experienced levels.”
Some people think they should get what they want but not have to do the work to get it.
I’m going to quote you here. “Sorry, but that’s simply not how it works.”
This somewhat shocking act of childishness from our team’s owner sends the exact opposite message than we should be sending our children. Shouldn’t we show children that change can be positive and we should make the most of the opportunities we’re presented?
But the good news is that you’re quite confident that the “curse” is broken and the remaining players on your team will bring in the hardware.
