Shark attacks, apparently, in most years.
By extension, living to 100 or getting injured by your toilet may also be more likely than an incidences of voter fraud. In some Florida counties, voting rights advocates argue, it might be much more likely your registration will be suspended out of "concerns" that it's not really you casting a ballot.
But newly anointed President Donald J. Trump is insisting that millions and millions of instances of voter fraud occurred—carried out by undocumented immigrants who didn't mind risking jail time and deportation in order to cast a ballot for Crooked Hillary—and that's why he lost the popular vote. So he wants to put taxpayer dollars to good use by launching an exhaustive investigation to determine its extent.
This, despite no evidence whatsoever that it occurred…other than, you know, Trump's inability to comprehend that there might actually be people out there who disagree with his views and/or think he's unfit to be president.
Perhaps somewhat trollishly, Florida Senate Democratic Caucus leader Oscar Braynon implored Florida Secretary of State Ken Detzner (an appointee of Governor Rick Scott, a staunch Trump ally) to investigate, given the president's "increasing concern" and his obligation, as the cabinet member who oversees elections, to investigate suspected voting issues.
"While President Trump has signaled, via Twitter, his intent to probe his allegations, I believe that charges of election fraud by the president of the United States are far too serious to allow more time to elapse," Braynon wrote in a letter addressed to Detzner Wednesday. "The statute appears to make clear that, on the basis of his allegations, you now have a legal obligation to act."
Trump, of course, won Florida by tens of thousands of votes, and Braynon points out that while there have been many claims of voter fraud and people purged from voters rolls as a result, the greater threat to fair elections is the habit of elections officials in states like Florida to erroneously take people off voting rolls or use other excuses to keep their votes from counting.
"I am well aware that such reviews and purges in the past failed to turn up any evidence of widespread fraud; in fact, a number of individuals, including decorated military veterans were falsely accused of such acts," he continued. "But in the interests of reassuring the citizens of this state and Mr. Trump that his election to the presidency was beyond reproach and that no voting irregularities contributed to his success in Florida, I strongly urge you to begin such an investigation."
Sick burn, dude!
This article appears in Jan 19-26, 2017.