In an April 16 webinar with the South Tampa Chamber of Commerce, Dr. Rick Weinberg—a licensed psychologist, diplomate in clinical psychology and clinical Associate Professor in the Department of Child and Family Studies at the University of South Florida—focused on three parts of the amazing human brain, which has evolved over the last 200,000 years. One of those cogs was the amygdala, an almond-shaped mass that’s part of what’s commonly referred to as our “reptilian” or “primitive” brain.
“It’s the part of our brain that detects threat. Whenever there is something that we believe to be dangerous out there, our amygdala goes off like Fourth of July fireworks,” Weinberg said. “It works 24-7, even when we're sleeping. If we should smell smoke, God forbid, we wake up right away because it’s saying, ‘Look out, there's something going on.’”
In spite of our best efforts to recognize its power, the amygdala can also lead to a flood of emotion, leaving us feeling overwhelmed. Kids, obviously, have an amygdala, too, and it can get activated in the context of the coronavirus no matter how emotionally intelligent they are (the brain’s prefrontal cortex works in tandem with the amygdala to help control anxiety).
Clara Reynolds (pictured above) is President and CEO of the Crisis Center of Tampa Bay, which runs the Bay area’s 2-1-1 catch all help line. Professionals answering the phones there are trained to speak with callers and connect them to the resources they need, be it related to mental health, food, shelter, domestic abuse and more.
Last week, Reynolds told Creative Loafing Tampa Bay that 2-1-1 was still receiving a high volume of calls pertaining to COVID-19—630, to be exact. She said the nature of the calls remained the same (financial resources, unemployment, emotional support and food), but later added that the Crisis Center does get calls from both kids and parents or guardians who don’t know how to talk to children about the pandemic.
“We actually encourage teens who are struggling to call. We can provide emotional support and information about specific programs for teens,” she told CL. “The specialist can [also] provide some tips to the adult to help facilitate the conversation.”
Dr. Shea Quraishi is a former elementary school teacher and Chief Academic Officer at Frameworks of Tampa Bay, a nonprofit that empowers educators, youth services professionals and parents and guardians with training, coaching and research-based resources to equip students of all ages with social and emotional skills.
On the Chamber webinar, Quraishi outlined how parents and guardians might help children navigate this moment of upheaval and teach them social and emotional tools that won’t just help them succeed in school, but in their adult lives, too.
“These skills require reinforcement and practice,” Quraishi said. “In other words they take a minute to teach but a lifetime to learn.”
Healthy development and school readiness traits like stress-management, self-regulation, social awareness and self-awareness have to be in place before a child can start to learn a sense of belonging or self-efficacy, but Quraishi noted that in the context of COVID-19, kids not headed to school or daycare have lost their foundational sense of attachment and structure. They’re also dealing with parents’ stress, plus their own new stresses like learning how to use Zoom.
“And they're practicing self-regulation, because we're asking them to handle all of this change somewhat independently,”Quraishi said, adding that adults are working from home and pressing forward with their own applications. “So before we expect kids to be resilient, we have to acknowledge the magnitude of what they're experiencing right now, add a foundational level and make them feel seen and heard.”
All the details of the steps Quraishi offers for starting to help our kids cope and learn are better absorbed in the video below, but they include talking about emotions (they’re not “good” or “bad,” but “comfortable” and “uncomfortable”), different calming strategies, schedules for your kids (co-create it, don’t be militant), and less structured items (hugging and cuddling).
Quraishi added that even though they don't always show it, kids do feel these changes acutely. Reynolds told CL that guardians should look for overall changes in behavior (sleep, eating, mood) and that kids and teens may also start asking questions about COVID-19 or wondering if people they love will be OK.
“It’s a good idea to just be open with them. Ask them how they are feeling and reiterate that everyone is doing their part to help them be safe,” Reynolds said. “Keep it simple. Reinforce that all the changes going on are temporary and are there to keep everyone safe and healthy.”
While she didn’t have a one size all recommendation, Reynolds did say that limiting media exposure—especially news coverage—helps.
“This is going to be different for each person,” Reynolds said. “We definitely don’t think running CNN or Fox News 16-hours per day is good for the emotional health of anyone right now.”
The Crisis Center has even built in mechanisms for its own staff to practice self-care after repeated and extended crisis conversations.
And at the end of the day, Dr. Quraishi breaks down a simple approach to facing the day with your kid or teenager.
“Take the time to hug your child. Say ‘I love you’ several times a day. Sometimes when we are so stressed or busy it's easy to forget how important this is,” Quraishi said. “And finally I would encourage you to remember that even during normal times, there is no such thing as perfect parenting. That's certainly true now as well, so please show yourself some grace.”
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This article appears in Apr 30 – May 6, 2020.