What do you do when you discover you're gay after you're already married?

I suppose a lot of spouses trip over themselves as they run to find a lawyer. I suppose others cry or yell or throw things. I suppose still more sprout feathers and thrust their heads into the sand. But not my husband. Actually, he was the one who told me that I'm bi.

No, it was I who sobbed into our bedspread until my eyes could hardly open. It was I who said "No, no, no" as my husband rubbed my back and told me everything was okay and that he still loves me. It was I who woke up the next morning and denied that night had any real meaning. And it was I for whom it took eight more months until I could finally learn to realize, then accept, then love the fact that I also love women.

But what then? I am married. I am loyal. I am … so gay.

This article appears in Jun 24-30, 2010.