About a year and a half ago, just after Donald Trump announced his presidential run, we wrote a piece about how to debate friends and relatives during tipsy Fourth of July festivities, namely by using facts to refute arguments about the Confederate flag, gay marriage and other contentious topics.
Since facts don’t work anymore, we don’t recommend revisiting that method. Instead, we have devised a list of ways to avoid getting into loud, pointless debates with your kin when you’re supposed to be, you know, enjoying your time together.
Don’t instigate. If you’re reading this, chances are you think the president is an orange doofus. You can’t wait to see what bizarre antics he’ll pull during the turkey pardon. Dude hates live animals (prefers ’em dead) and probably won’t want to be anywhere near the poor bird. You may want to revel in whatever unintentional comedy ensues, but if you’re in mixed company, save your shit-talk for later and only share it with people with whom you agree.
Keep a beverage tally. We all know cocktails are about as high-octane an argument fuel as there is. To avoid falling into the mental state in which you find it permissible to call your aunt a Nazi, make note of how many beverages you’re consuming, and switch it up with some agua now and then.
Don’t engage. The flip side of not instigating. There’s no point in letting those whose views are the polar opposite of yours drag you into a heated debate at the table.* Not that your views aren’t justified or your reasoning isn’t sound. It’s just that no amount of solid evidence is going to change the other person’s mind. Have you seen a Facebook thread about Hillary Clinton? At this point in time, it’s just utterly fucking hopeless, so tell the person who’s trying to argue that you’re not interested.
“Please pass the peas.” If they’re insistent, dodge the conversation. Get another helping of something or inquire about which aperitif would best pair with dessert. There are infinite ways to signal that you’re not interested in having an utterly useless argument.
Be diplomatic. Sure, the other guy’s candidate/party/views on Colin Kaepernick are absolute shit, and you have proof. But you’re all there for a reason: You’re family and at the end of the day, you’d do anything for each other. So instead of letting the hot-button issues divide you and yours this holiday season, make an earnest effort to focus on the values you share: love of family, dogs, nature, food, beer, Tom Petty. You may find that the things you share in common outnumber the things that make you different.
*Unless the relative in question is a flat-earther. Fuck those guys.
This article appears in Nov 16-23, 2017.