I’ve recently been offered a job in another state, and I’m paralyzed with anxiety. I’ve only moved out of my home state once (with a partner) and moved back 10 years ago. Since then, I’ve built a nice base here, in a city about an hour from where I grew up. If I take the job, I’ll be moving in with one of my best friends, but she’ll be the only person I know. What should I do?—Ready for Relocation?
Cards to Stay: The Seeker, Ace of Swords (reversed), Nine of Swords.
Cards to Go: Seven of Pentacles (reversed), Page of Wands (reversed), The Emperor
Dear Ready,
First, to help with some perspective: moving (or not moving) is not a permanent choice. You could go to the new city and, realizing you hate it, move back. You can stay in your current city but find in two years that you want to move somewhere where there are mountains/cheap art studios/good public transportation and move then. Whatever you decide, it’s not irreversible. It might take more time or money or effort to move again, but that option will still be there.
I do understand what it’s like to leave an established community to go off into the unknown, and that’s scary, especially when so much good has come from it. With The Seeker and The Ace of Swords reversed, I think your current city and community have allowed you to become the person you are. The Ace of Swords is a card about intellectual exploration and leadership, but it’s also a card about the self. While having that existential searching energy from The Seeker, I think you really grew up in your current city and have come into your own. That is an incredible thing, and I’m glad you had a supportive place like this to experience that.
But, with the Nine of Swords, I wonder if you feel a little caged in and need to spread your wings. The Nine of Swords is often the unofficial anxiety card, and it can mean that you’re feeling restless or trapped. This city might have been precisely what you needed when you moved there, but perhaps you need something else now.
The move would be quite a transition. The Seven of Pentacles would be a pivot in your job, possibly in responsibility, and a shift in your priorities. As the Page of Wands, you’ll be back in what yogis call “the beginner’s mind.” You’ll be at the start of a new journey and, quite literally, a new phase of your life. Since these are both reversed, I’d guess you’ll be in this new starting position for quite some time. But that’s not a bad thing! The Page of Wands is someone who embraces discovery and who’s able to free themselves of preconceived notions. With that shift in priorities, you might grow in surprising ways. Maybe you get into hiking or start writing slam poetry. This big shake-up can lead you to a surprising path that you find deeply enriching.
And this path can lead you to becoming The Emperor, the true master of your own fate. The Emperor is the highest form of leadership and possesses self-control and self-actualization. This might be a literal leadership position at your new job, or it could be reaching the satisfying end of a personal journey. This could be a very fulfilling outcome.But it’s not an easy path. There is an element of self-sacrifice to The Emperor—a leader who sees beyond himself—and it’s a position that’s often lonely. What you love about your current city is the “nice base” you’ve set up. I don’t know if you’ll have a robust community if you make this move. That can be something you work towards, but sometimes it’s easier said than done. For example, working a demanding new job might take up a lot of time and energy, making it harder to meet people outside of work.
I think what may help is to think about what each option—move or stay—offers and what you really need at this time. You have a great community in one place but might feel stuck in the status quo. In the other, you have an opportunity to grow but you may be doing it alone. What do you feel, in your gut, would serve you best? If you stay, can you find ways to free yourself of that trapped feeling? If you move, what sort of setup do you need to keep on socializing?
It seems like the move might offer a higher risk/reward scenario, but that doesn’t mean it’s what you need right now. Really consider what you want and need—not just what’s easy. (You might want/need easy now, but don’t choose that without giving some thought.)
If you are leaning towards the move, some particle advice: visit your friend for an extended vacation (five days, perhaps) and do things you’d normally do without them. Go to the movies, or a yoga class, or the grocery store. Get the vibe and see how you feel without your friend to lean on.
Then, if you do move, pick a few things you like to do and do them all the fucking time. Get coffee at the same place every morning, go to trivia every week for months on end, hang out at the farmers market every Sunday, whatever. You’ll see the same people and make small talk, potentially leading to actual friendships (or at least casual acquaintances.) As someone who has moved multiple times in her adult life to places where she knew few people or no one, becoming a regular is the quickest way to ease the loneliness of a new place.
If a new place is what you need, of course. Whatever you choose, remember, it’s only for now. Best of luck, my darling.
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This article appears in Nov 28 – Dec 4, 2024.