It's Tuesday in America, where an old tape of a sick, sad conversation advocating grabbing women's genitals without their consent because you're famous can get you fired from your softball morning news-and-chat show, but not banished from the presidential campaign trail. We are all The Aristocrats.

Florida's Secretary of State reluctantly agreed that, hey, maybe the state should alert mail-in voters to signature mismatches on their ballots, rather than just throwing their ballots out, which effectively amounts to gross and arbitrary disenfranchisement. Three guesses which political party Ken Detzner belongs to, and you can use one of your other two guesses on which political party is getting more mail-in votes in Florida.

Two suspicious devices that were discovered at Hudson Cemetery and temporarily shut down traffic on Hudson Avenue were determined not to be dangerous/explosive. Were they pieces of abandoned meth-cooking equipment? A torn-off car muffler and oversized rearview-mirror disco ball missing several of its reflective facets? A semi-homeless man sleeping next to the discarded dorm-room mini-fridge where he keeps his stuff? The world may never know.

And finally, the dude who shot at acquitted killer George Zimmerman in a road rage incident was sentenced to 20 years in prison for attempted second-degree murder. Related: George Zimmerman announces new business venture in which he kisses your lottery ticket, or just arranges to be in proximity to someone you don't like.

This article appears in Oct 13-20, 2016.