Good morning! It's "Dollar Day" at the Hillsborough County Fair; beg off work and go win your sweetie a giant stuffed panda — the Lamb Jumping is at 7.
During a press conference about the Seminole Heights shooter, Tampa Mayor Bob Buckhorn reportedly told police to "bring his head to me." That's totally normal for a 21st-century society run by elected and appointed representatives rather than a warlord or inbred monarch, and not at all unsettling.
Speaking of unsettling, Amazon announced its new Key service, in which they charge you to put a camera and microphone in your house and grant you the convenience of unlocking your door remotely to let a delivery person put your package inside. I'll just let you ponder the ramifications of that concept for a bit; if you have any trouble digesting them, just ask Alexa for help. Also, you know your Facebook app is eavesdropping on you all the time, right?
Residents on St. Pete's 1st Street North and Tampa's Himes Avenue are fed up with people speeding through their residential neighborhoods, using the thoroughfares as less congested alternatives to 4th Street and Dale Mabry. Buy me a beer and I will exhaust you with my theories about the widespread availability of the auto catalyzing humanity's downfall. (It's true!)
And finally, a high school in Venice was defaced with racial slurs on the eve of the institution's "Unity Day." Oh, well, boys will be boys. No, wait, the other thing — stop coddling asshole kids raised poorly by irresponsible parents in the hope that they'll miraculously grow out of being assholes on their own somehow. Yeah, that's the one.
This article appears in Oct 26 – Nov 2, 2017.