You know what goes great with office coffee? Making fun of yesterday from a safe distance.
Hundreds of students walked out of several Hillsborough County schools yesterday morning in an awesome and completely DIY display of support for county teachers, who are fighting for much-needed raises they were promised but that the school district now says it's unable to deliver due to budget cuts, reallocation of funds to charter schools, etc. This is just beyond excellent. "Fuck, some of 'em still want to learn," said the school district while peering through the blinds, unsure what to do with kids who still want to learn.
And then there are these kids. Sigh.
The Polk County woman who made national headlines after being arrested for DUI while riding a horse last week says the attention is ruining her life. Let that be a lesson to everyone: When about to do something weird-stupid, one must always ask oneself, "Is this weird-stupid enough that Jimmy Fallon might talk about in an opening monologue?" Then, one must decide whether or not the desired result of said weird-stupid thing is worth maybe being talked about on Fallon. Hopefully by then one has drunkenly forgotten what the hell one was considering in the first place.
The state of Florida punished a man for murdering two people by murdering him. I'm still not sure that makes any sense at all.
And finally, beloved snack maker Little Debbie indicated via social media that it might be discontinuing one of its iconic treats. Swiss Rolls and Star Crunches were not among the products referenced, but Nutty Buddies were, raising the threat level on this particular dispatch from "man, that sucks" to "Publix riot."
This article appears in Nov 9-16, 2017.