Four more days, four more days, four more days, four more days, four more days, four more days…
A naked man who caused southbound traffic on Dale Mabry Highway to be halted at 5 a.m. this morning by jumping on cars and banging his head into their windshields was pronounced dead at St. Joseph's Hospital after being subdued and taken there by police. "He was behaving as if on [a] mind altering drug possibly," said one cop who apparently occasionally moonlights as Captain Understatement.
A Riverview woman trashed a Starbucks yesterday morning after asking for change and being told the register wouldn't open unless she bought something. Bonus: She'd been in the day before, asked for change and knocked some stuff over when denied. So, maybe don't visit that particular Starbucks this morning, because escalation.
Another day, another Bay area wrong-way drunk driver. Do NOT get in your car on New Year's Eve.
And finally, Florida may be adding three more specialty license plates to its 125 (!) options, including one for Alabama's Auburn University (!!). But why stop with nonprofit organizations, environmental causes and are-you-fucking-serious out-of-state universities? I demand my voice be heard, and my personal interests be recognized with specialty state license plates for liking cake, competitive Chia Pet cultivation and letting fellow motorists know my other car is a Packers fan. C'mon, people. I think what you're actually thinking of is a bumper sticker.
This article appears in Dec 22-29, 2016.