Who swapped Tampa's November weather for London's May weather? Probably that same happy stranger who likes to say "we needed the rain" to you while you're standing outside the office, watching it drizzle and wondering if today's the day your commute home across the bridge finally kills you.
Busch Gardens shut down Jambo Junction. Reports that the attraction was shuttered because it was haunted by the ghost of Pinky, the flamingo murdered by an asshole in August, were made up by me just now.
The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission says a record number of manatees were killed by boat strikes in 2016. "Well, that just means there are more of them around these days to run over," said somebody who doesn't know the difference between acknowledging the existence of a problem, and actually fucking fixing it.
A 13-year-old Manatee County middle school student was arrested for bringing a gun to school. This is an acceptable side effect of a guy who never finished high school being able to buy an AR-15, apparently.
And finally, what's up with the Lightning? No, seriously. I don't enough about hitty-stick sports to tell.
Image by Tracy Colson via Wikimedia Commons
This article appears in Dec 8-15, 2016.