Good morning! Today's the final day for you to have a say in exactly what you're gonna see thrown up on the Tilt-A-Whirl. Vote for your favorite new over-the-top Florida State Fair food now, or forever hold your gorge, er, peace. After that, refuse to hold your peace regarding what you think America means and go protest at USF at noon.
FRIDAY, JAN. 27:
A week ahead of the Super Bowl, snack maker Tostitos announced a new bag for its tortilla chips that doubles as a breathalyzer, and law enforcement agencies across the country made fun of it via Twitter. When all the cops troll you on social media, your marketing idea was silly. (A million dudes will still turn this into a party trick this weekend, though.)
A Polk County detention officer shanked her boyfriend when he wouldn't give her access to his phone. Never take your work home with you.
SATURDAY JAN. 28:
Tampa's annual, traditional drunken-pirate season officially kicked off when the Gasparilla Pirate Invasion drew an estimated 300,000 participants to Bayshore Boulevard and beyond. What's better than getting hammered and trying to navigate a crowd of 300K in the cold and the wet? Reading your bartender friends' Facebook posts about it while drinking wine in the hot tub. "Such a shame she felt the need to crack him with that bottle of Jaeger," you say, and sigh. "More pinot, darling? No, I'll get it, I'm absolutely steaming."
SUNDAY, JAN. 29:
People who refuse to succumb to the fear-hype responded worldwide to Donald Trump's latest attempts to deny a group of folks their human rights, including right here in the Bay area, and show no signs that they'll just go home and back to quietly finishing up the first season of The OA anytime soon.
The financially embattled Armed Forces History Museum in Largo opened its doors for the last time, and offered free admission. Folks came from states away and stood in line for hours, and a polite deal was struck in which none of the guests mentioned how they never knew the museum existed before now, and none of the owners asked where the hell all these people had been since 2008.
And finally, here's a reminder that, if you crash your car through a sign and into a lake, the incident doesn't end with you saying "Well, shit," then getting out of your car and just walking away.
This article appears in Jan 26 – Feb 2, 2017.