Sh*t Happened 4/5/17: Lightning playoff hopes dim, NPR gator slaughtered, Cali mermaid probably just girl on LSD

Oh, Tuesday. And after we said those nice things about you yesterday. You've betrayed us for the last time, Tuesday; from now on, you shall be known as The Slowly Receding Ass End of Monday.

A fuel spill completely shut down the eastbound lanes of Gandy Boulevard's Pinellas side for hours during the middle of the day yesterday. Tampa reportedly initiated an attempt to annex that part of Pinellas County east of 2nd street while it was cut off, but canceled when they realized it was basically just the dog track, the beach where everybody poops and sets fires and that weird strip club that stays open somehow.

The Lightning lost to the Boston Bruins 4-0. At this point, to get into the playoffs, TB's gonna need witchcraft, time travel, and for a famous Canadian with a popular Twitter account to piss Trump off to the point that he tosses anybody with ice skates and a French-sounding name out of the country. Ryan Reynolds, are you up to this?

Some New Port Richey folks are upset that a gator that resided in a fenced-in retention pond for several years without incident was killed and removed by wildlife officers. To be fair, it was a giant, prehistoric carnivorous reptile of the type known to kill and eat small dogs and young humans. But on the other hand, the guys at the bar liked to feed it buffalo wings.

And finally, a wet, mostly naked woman found wandering near Table Mountain, California on Tuesday claimed to be a mermaid named Joanna. Heh, how many mushrooms do you have to take to holyshitshesgotwebbedfeetthisisnotadrillsaveusyouperfectcreaturefromawateryworld

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