Pouring it out for Wednesday.
Florida Governor Rick Scott — who certainly bears no resemblance to a Roger Moore-era Bond villain — took some time out from trying to keep felons who've paid their debt to society from reclaiming their right to vote and declared war on the tegu lizard and other exotic species. See, now, this is the kind of crackdown on illegal immigration that the state actually needs. No sanctuary cities for you, tegu.
"Waffles are waffles," said somebody whose taste buds are obviously on the fritz, because all waffles are most definitely not created equal — and the Food Network just named the waffles at Sarasota's Toasted Mango Cafe the best in the state. We think Leslie Knope would agree.
Hernando County fined a waste management company more than $135K for failing to pick up garbage along more than 1,000 of the county's streets. That stinks.
Speaking of Hernando, a six-year-old Weeki Wachee boy was released from a Brandon hospital after being bitten by a venomous pygmy rattlesnake. The cost of the kid's life-saving treatment — 18 vials of antivenin — is reportedly just shy of $200K, and not covered by his family's insurance. Welcome to the most prosperous country on the face of the planet, where you gotta set up a crowdfunding campaign when your kid is nearly killed by a random act of nature. We'll get into all the ways the American healthcare system is criminal at the bar later; for now, if you can help, here's the link.
And finally, purveyor of unreasonable facsimiles of food and fun Applebee's is offering $1 margaritas at select locations throughout the month of April. Unless you're a 22-year-old member of a bachelorette party happening in a town so small that it can't sustain a Walmart, this news should not excite you.
This article appears in Apr 5-12, 2018.