Hello Wednesday! Here's your morning forecast: Mildly irritating, with certain pressures building through the afternoon, culminating this evening in a 70 percent chance of doing something you'll regret.
Hey, didja hear? Super Bowl LV will be played in Tampa's Raymond James Stadium in 2021! This is super duper news, because by 2021 you'll probably need that additional income from a temporary second job vending super snacks and super merch to sports tourists to pay for medicine for your kid's pre-existing environmentally derived asthma. Super!
When the mercury starts to climb, there's really nothing you want to read about less than a heinous diarrhea-inducing bacteria lurking in the pool. Come on in, the water's — well, the water might make you poop yourself to the point of medically dangerous dehydration, actually.
A suspicious device that inspired the evacuation of a Pinellas Park home and a visit from the friendly neighborhood bomb squad turned out to be "an old, spent or inert artillery round." So, yeah, much more suspicious than a rusty lawn dart, say, or an old valise full of crumpled newspaper. Good call on the evac, then. If you find something in your home that resembles old military ordnance, better make that phone call from the end of the block.
And finally, some soulless scumbag stole more than $5,000 in tools from a Lakeland church whose ministry includes repairing and providing bicycles for folks who need them to get around. If you're not sure whether or not there's a hell, this seems like a pretty good way to set yourself up for finding out.
This article appears in May 18-25, 2017.