Wow, it was really nice to enjoy a restful weekend without the barrage of political… wait, who's naked?
FRIDAY, JULY 29:
Two Manatee County brothers hogtied a man who broke into their home while they were there early Friday morning. What's really scary here is the fact that nobody got shot sort of makes it sound like this incident happened in the '70s instead of last week.
A homeless man walked into a Largo Target, took two bottles of wine out of a reach-in cooler, drank them, then passed out a storage room before police arrived. "Hey Ronnie, remember the other day when you asked me exactly what I meant when I said 'punk as fuck'?"
SATURDAY, JULY 30:
A delegation from the Cuban Embassy in Washington D.C. toured St. Pete as part of the consideration process for placing a consulate here. Here's hoping negotiations don't break down when the Cubans find out they're required to host a mural on the embassy's wall featuring locally made kombucha.
SUNDAY, JULY 31:
A 29-year-old jackass was arrested after he threw a tantrum at a Seminole bowling alley when he couldn't find his phone, slamming a door hard enough to shatter its glass. Come for the impulse control, stay for the triumph over an adverse situation. Jesus, what a mantoddler.
And finally, Clearwater police chased down and recaptured a goat that had escaped from a private school, filling your Facebook page with "on the lam" puns and jokes about whether or not the animal would be charged with a crime. So we wouldn't have to. So we won't. Enjoy your day!
This article appears in Jul 28 – Aug 4, 2016.