When straight people say "I just want to be friends," it's usually an attractive way of saying "I never want to see you again" or even, "If you died, I wouldn't be sad." Gay girls, though, will manufacture crafty and creative ways of keeping tabs on their exes. "I want to make sure she's doing ok" translates into "I want to make sure she's with someone who's much much uglier, and stupider than I am, so then I can feel good about myself." Then, if she does in fact end up with this horribly unattractive, emotionally unstable, stupid person, our bliss and glee immediately becomes anger and confusion. "She chose THAT over ME?"
This is when our college buddies, and of course other exes should say the phrase that is so appealing to hear "You were too good for her!" Those "friends" should also make sure you don't make any stupid Facebook posts regarding her new girlfriend. You know Facebook is REAL and it will make every lesbian in the greater Tampa Bay area delete you. Eventually you will no longer be invited to any parties. (Just a small disclaimer to those friends reading.)
The first major step after a lesbian break-up —- after the months, maybe years, of break-up sex of course —- is defining that lifelong friendship that is to come. This is easy to do for anyone, except of course lesbians. We love our drama, so don't be shocked
when hijinx ensue at the local dyke bar.
After months of "defining" our "friendship" we will then place major boundaries on the friendship, and it's only a matter of time before one of us crosses the line. Then we will have to renegotiate the appropriate boundaries of our "friendship." Such conversations can last for years and will only dissipate when both parties have found a new girlfriend.
Another reason we are forced to stay friends with our exes is there are only a few available establishments in any given city that cater to lesbians. For every random night you enter one of these sparsely scattered joints, you run the risk of seeing her. So save yourself a hideous catfight. Being friends with your ex can be a very important nightlife survival skill.
Take me for example, my ex-girlfriend lives in New York City now -— I can only imagine to get away from me. She's one of my best friends, we talk everyday, and whenever I have a problem, she's the first person I call —- even over my current girlfriend.
When I think back about how I treated her when we were together, I can't believe she still even talks to me, much less is that close with me. I was a horrifying girlfriend. I broke her heart, and she still forgave me. I am friends with her new girlfriend, and she's always been friends with mine. Is this healthy? Is this a lesbian phenomenon? I have no idea, but I know that I'm not alone. Every lesbian I know is friends with at least one of their ex-girlfriends.
Even more fascinating is this question: Is there one ex that didn't make the buddy cut? I have two. What did they do wrong?
