Here’s a selection of four trends wreaking havoc upon unsuspecting food lovers. Bacon and bacon-laden goodies, for the record, go without saying.
When Sushi Burritos Attack
If Sushirritos — a burrito-meets-sushi mashup — hadn’t arrived before your time, we’d be blaming you for this one, Cronut. Why tamper with two adored foods that are perfectly delicious on their own? I’d at least prefer the large Frankenstein-like item whole to preserve its ’rrito factor rather than sliced. Yeah, I’m looking at you, Topgolf. The entertainment and event venue calls “Mushi,” or Mexican sushi, its ultimate creation, but cilantro sticky rice, beans, chicken and Cheddar are rolled into a jalapeño tortilla and then divided. Into. Pieces. This is one critic’s thoughts: “So essentially it’s a burrito that’s sliced, effectively taking away the best part of a burrito?”
A Nightmare on Cable TV
One word: Country-music-stars-turned-food-show-hosts. What’s up with this? It’s like all the musicians my Mom had us listening to in the car to and from Catholic school (I jammed out, not gonna lie) are back to fulfill some weird, interconnected cooking prophecy. Kix Brooks of Brooks & Dunn — whose Cooking Channel tips include “Don’t be a sissy!” when seasoning — leads viewers through steakhouses around the country in Steak Out with Kix Brooks, while Little Big Town’s Kimberly Schlapman makes biscuit-covered beef stew for Kimberly’s Simply Southern. Trisha Yearwood’s Trisha’s Southern Kitchen started it all, but let’s make this the final rodeo for your celebrity chef careers, friends.
Hail, Seitan Wings
We all, and by “we” I mean “I,” are affected by the region’s lack of vegan chicken wings. At one time, my junk-food-cravings-are-overcoming-me go-to was the cheese bread from Little Caesars, but that was before I visited Denver’s City O’ City restaurant and got my mental right. I still dream about the vegan joint’s seitan wings, delectably smothered in buffalo sauce, so if for no one else, somebody launch a meat-free wing hut and put an end to this horrifying void in the name of the universe.
Gore-met Excess
Another trend that gives food scenes the willies is business owners’ fondness for incorporating “craft” into their concept’s name. The word graces local restaurants and other food- and drink-focused spots’ signage, glassware and menus, but it also presents itself similarly in places like California (The Cork and Craft, Craft Kitchen), Detroit (Craft Work) and Arizona (Urban Craft), to name a few. Hey, we get it. Everything’s “handcrafted.” Celeb chef Tom Colicchio’s Crafted Hospitality group takes the painful trend a step further with a series of projects spawned from his flagship dubbed, of course, Craft. There’s Craftbar, Craftsteak and Beachcraft, as well as ‘wichcraft, a quick-service sandwich shop. I’m diggin’ the subtlety, Tom. I’m diggin’ the subtlety.
This article appears in Oct 15-21, 2015.