On Barack Obama:
We aint never seen a black man this cool and legal. Muthafucka won Iowa. Thats when we knew it was over for Hilary. If you cant beat a nigga named Obama in Iowa, then you dont deserve to be President. There aint but four black people in Iowa. They only sold six copies of Thriller in Iowa, and they brought three back.
He had to get rid of his Reverend! Reverend White is a 75-year-old black man who dont like white people. Is there another kind of 75-year-old black man? You know the hell hes seen, the shit this motherfucker been through? His whole third grade class was lynched. He lucked out cause the rope broke. And you wonder why he dont sing Kumbaya.
On John McCain being too old to be President:
John McCain is too fuckin old. He used to own Sidney Poitier.
Too old.
We dont need a President with a bucket list.
Hes seventy-two fuckin years old.
Hes so old if he won it would kill him.
Whos gonna be the Vice President? A nurse?
Too old.
How many 72-year-old people did you see just doin shit today?
Too. Fucking. Old.
How you gonna make decisions about the future when you aint gonna be here?
On Hillary Clinton:
Other countries have had women leaders for centuries. But in America were so backward. What if shes on her period? Well, then the vice president takes over. At least for the first four days. You cant have her making decisions on a heavy flow. Wed be at war every month. Be bombin states. We just attacked North Carolina. Must be on her period again.
Let me get this straight: She was gonna work in an office that her husband got blowjobs in? There aint enough redecoratin in the world.
On voting:
The government tells you they want you to vote. The government does not want you to vote cause if they did they would not have elections on a Tuesday. Have you ever had a party on a Tuesday? No, cause you want people to come to your party. Ive never been laid on a Tuesday. Its partyless, sexless day. Im gonna open up a restaurant and call it Thank God Its Not Tuesday.