Cheating is an arms race. While technologies like texting and Facebook have made it easier to cheat, they also leave an electronic trail that makes it easier to get caught. Women have evolved a heightened ability to read body language and facial cues as a means of mate-guarding. Men have the ability to completely dissociate sex from love, making it much easier for a man to tell his wife truthfully that he loves her while plowing his secretary on the side. With a little help from the private eyes at ISG who specialize in catching unfaithful spouses, I've compiled this list of telltale signs your partner is cheating. Above all, listen to your intuition. If you have a feeling your partner is cheating, he or she probably is.
• He changes his appearance: Trendier clothes, a new hairstyle, different cologne, dieting, an increased workout regime — basically any behavior he has adopted that a much younger, and much more single man, would employ to appear more attractive. Many of these signs are analogous to what many wives dismiss as evidence of a midlife crisis, which may be precipitated by an affair.
• She becomes more
interested in your schedule: If your wife usually forgets which days you always play basketball with the boys, then she suddenly starts calling to see when you're getting home, she may be scheduling lascivious activities behind your back as opposed to planning to surprise you with your favorite dinner.
• He makes secret telephone calls, emails or texts: Unless your husband is a spy, there are very few legitimate reasons he needs to conceal his communications. Remember, this is the same man who forgets to shut the door when he’s in the bathroom. It’s conceivable that his flirting may be just that, or that he had no intention of actually hooking up with the random woman he met in Vegas who keeps texting him. But one way or another, something is likely happening between these covert correspondents that doesn’t agree with most people’s understanding of a monogamous relationship.
• She doesn’t answer or return your phone calls as quickly as usual: If your wife develops the habit of not responding to your calls during times when she's normally available, she's probably silencing her phone and rolling her eyes as she bitches to her new lover about how suspicious you are for no reason.
• He suddenly acts preoccupied or distant: Sure, he could just be stressed out at work or rethinking his career path, or he could have a new sex partner who's making him seriously doubt his choice in a mate.
• She doesn’t want you to get in her car: What is she afraid you'll find in there: condom wrappers, receipts for motel rooms, used handy wipes, her soiled thong?
• He becomes more sexually adventurous: Many cheaters become sexually revived through an affair. He may suddenly want to deviate from the standard ground-and-pound move he has been performing on you for the last seven years.
• She has a more active night life or is staying at work later: It's possible that she may just be going out with her girlfriends for drinks, but what do you think is the main topic of conversation during these "ladies' nights"? Remember when she used to prefer to stay home and spend time with you? Even if she's not cheating, she's going out to fill a void which could easily be filled by that smooth Latin gentleman who promises to teach her salsa dancing.
• He comes home smelling like a woman or sex: The only way he could have picked up this feminine scent without cheating is if he's secretly taking night classes to become a hair stylist or he's frequenting strip clubs, neither of which are all that promising for your relationship.
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This article appears in Feb 3-9, 2011.
